And couldn't be happier.

My boss is out of town until Tuesday, which means that for today and Monday, I get to run the lab by myself without supervision. Which I guess isn't too much of a change, since he's been busy working on grant proposals and publications recently so he hasn't really been in the lab all that much. But still, this means he won't be coming around giving me extra stuff to do when it looks like I'm not busy... which is quite frequently because I am just that efficient (well, most of the time).

I work so much better when I'm by myself. I think I get nervous just having someone in the room with me because I feel like everything has to be done absolutely perfectly so as to not be criticized for doing something in a certain way (especially when the way I'm doing something is still correct, but different from what the other person is used to). And the pressure inevitably leads me to fuck up in some small way. It's something I need to work on, but the truth will always be that I am much more comfortable working alone than with someone else there.

Of course, his absence means that I can get in later and leave earlier than usual. It also means I will feel alright taking a longer-than-usual lunch. In essence, today I will be able to enjoy all the free time that I would have by being so efficient in lab.

Thrilled? Yes. Fucking ecstatic.

EDIT:

Completely unrelated to the entry, but this craigslist ad is preeeetty creeeepy.

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I slept really early last night--a little after 9:00--but I never sleep the entire night through. I woke up at around 1:00 am, and there was a bit of a commotion. My cousin and her husband went to the hospital at that time, but I didn't know it. I just headed back to sleep.

When I woke up this morning, I kinda pieced it together from what I heard my parents discussing in Ilocano and from what I'd seen last night.

My mom confirmed it when she got home today: my cousin had a miscarriage.

Despite the feelings that I laid out in the previous entry and others like it, I feel bad for her. It doesn't change what I felt previously and what I continue to feel, but it sucks to lose a child, even if it is just a developing fetus.

But in all honesty, she wasn't ready for the child. And I don't know if she was going to be when she had it six months down the road; my confidence in that possibility is next to none. Perhaps now, though, she can concentrate on getting her shit together so that the next time she's pregnant--which I hope isn't until after she and her husband move out of that one room they're staying in, and after she has a better grasp on her personal finances--she will be ready for the responsibility of having a child.

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So on my drive home from class today, I was stopped at a red light at the intersection of two one-way streets, waiting to make a left turn. There was a car in the far lane coming into the intersection, but since I was waiting to turn into the close lane I decided to go for it. Next thing I know, this bitch is honking her horn and swerving around me, flipping me off.

The gall of this woman--to try to pin this near-accident on me! SHE was the one in the far lane; SHE was the one who didn't signal her intent; SHE was the one who almost hit MY car, and not the other way around! I thought about following her to scare the shit out of her, maybe jumping her when she got out of her car and socking her in the face. Sometimes, I absolutely HATE how we have to remain civil when we have clearly been wronged. Sometimes I think that we're actually making ourselves psychologically unhealthy when we hold these murderous impulses in and allowing them to fester until you want to amputate your own limbs just to have a weapon with which to engage the other person in combat.

Thank goodness for blogs, I guess, without which I would be stewing in my anger all day.

(But yeah, I hope this woman gets her tubes tied just so she doesn't risk bringing into this world another generation of shitty drivers; the world is already oversaturated with them as we speak.)

Anyway, when I got home, my cousin's car was still here. Still frustrated, I couldn't help but think about the last few weeks and how my mom is getting completely fed up with my cousin. First of all, she tried to hide her pregnancy from us. Like we wouldn't notice the 7 pound miniature human being popping out of her vagina and keeping us awake at all hours of the early morning. Then, my mom found out that my cousin is resigning from her new job as an LVN at a local hospital, after FINALLY passing her boards after however many fucking years its been. So not only does my cousin have a BABY growing inside of her, but also, apparently, no income. And she still has credit cards to pay off, and she needs to come up with some form of monetary contribution to my family who has been letting her stay here rent free for like 8 or 9 years now, and I'm just sick and tired of her shit. How's she going to buy baby stuff--charge it on her maxed out credit cards? And how will she pay those off? She will soon have no more job, and her husband is in the middle of studying for a physical therapist licensing exam, so it will be a while before he has one. Is she going to mooch off my parents? Our aunties? She already has had too many handouts. And there's nothing we can really do about it. We can't kick her out--even if she is a bitch, she's still family, and she's still pregnant, and we can't tell a pregnant woman to fuck off because that baby didn't choose to be conceived in the womb of a stupid bitch like her. The best we can do is tolerate this bullshit until she DOES get her life back on track and starts repaying us for all the crap we've done for her and I can't type anymore because I'm afraid I'll break the keyboard...

Ugh. These things completely overshadow the joy that I felt when I learned I had the second highest grade on my virology exam in a class with about 40 undergrads and 10 graduate students in it. This does wonders for my confidence, but right now, all I want to do is strangle someone.

I'm done.

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Linh D____
Today at 8:01pm

Fifth week of class on physiology, my student asked me whether the inside of a cell is more positive or negative relative to the outside.

It's only the fundamental of physiology! Been repeated for how many times, I can't even count!

By the way, midterm is on Thursday.

Ranor B____
Today at 8:30pm

I guess this kid isn't living up to his... POTENTIAL!

Okay. I need to shoot myself for bringing that pun into the world.

If you didn't get that pun, then good for you. Congratulations--you probably have a life!

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For the bulk of the last 9 hours, I have spent my time doing the following:

- Compiling a list of about 15 potential thesis advisors for graduate school, each of whom I should contact regarding my eagerness to work with them provided I am granted admission to their respective institutions.

- Taking down all the dates of interest with regards to applications (due dates, initial filing dates, other important deadlines, etc.).

- Attempting to figure out the amount of money it will take to file all of these applications, take all the necessary tests, acquire all the necessary transcripts, and so on.

- Bookmarking important websites with crucial graduate admissions information on them.

- Vacillating between having confidence in my abilities to get into grad school (at times bordering on OVERconfidence) and losing said confidence in my abilities (often accompanied by a rush of neurotransmitters that make my heart beat quickly in a sort of mini-panic attack mode)... Must find stable ground.

I refuse to return to this computer for a little while. I have flipped on the local PBS channel and have begun to watch Mystery!, so that should get my mind off of these things for a bit...

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...sometimes all you need is a comfortable chair and a bottle of wine.

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It isn't Friday.

I woke up this morning and came to that realization and a part of me quietly shriveled up and died.

I expect its exuberance to return upon the morrow. Or, at least, upon the morrow's evening when I get off of work.

I hate days that start of like this.

I will say one thing, though:

September never stays this cold
Where I come from and you know
I'm not one for complaining

Despite what the emo song lyrics say, I love it. I saw my breath this morning and everything. GOOD RIDDANCE, SUMMER! Your annoyingly warm days seem to be over and for that I'm thankful.

Oh, what's this? It seems to be a resurgence of that exuberance I felt I lost, coming back to me a little bit sooner than I expected...

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Original news release here.

NASA Maps the Moon with Google

MOFFETT FIELD, Calif. - New higher-resolution lunar imagery and maps that include NASA multimedia content now are available on the Google Moon Web site.

Updates include new content from the Apollo missions, including dozens of embedded panoramic images, links to audio clips and videos, and descriptions of the astronauts' activities during the missions. The new content is overlaid on updated, higher-resolution lunar maps. Also added are detailed charts of different regions of the moon suitable for use by anyone simulating a lunar mission.

"NASA's objective is for Google Moon to become a more accurate and useful lunar mapping platform that will be a foundation for future web-based moon applications, much like the many applications that have been built on top of Google Maps," said Chris C. Kemp, director of strategic business development at NASA's Ames Research Center, Moffett Field, Calif. "This will make it easier for scientists everywhere to make lunar data more available and accessible."

Google Moon's visible imagery and topography are aligned with the recently updated lunar coordinate system and can be used for scientifically accurate mission planning and data analysis. The new site is designed to be user-friendly and encourage the exchange of data and ideas among scientists and amateur astronomers.

This announcement closely follows the release of new NASA content in Google Earth, including photographs taken by NASA astronauts and imagery from NASA's Earth observing satellite sensors, such as the Sea-viewing Wide Field of View Sensor, Landsat and the Moderate Resolution Imaging Spectrometer.
Astronaut photography was developed in collaboration with the Crew Earth Observations team, part of the Image Science and Analysis Laboratory at NASA's Johnson Space Center, Houston. Satellite imagery of Earth was developed in partnership with the Earth Observatory team at NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center, Greenbelt, Md.

The alliance was accomplished under a Space Act Agreement signed in December 2006 by Google and NASA's Ames Research Center. Google is headquartered near Ames in northern California's Silicon Valley.

Great. Yet another way to waste time online.

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