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You Smell Funny
quote for the day
"You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'"
"A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth. "
-- George Bernard Shaw
song of the moment
The Hand That Feeds
You're keeping in step
In the line
Got your chin held high and you feel just fine
Because you do
What you're told
But inside your heart it is black and it's hollow and it's cold

Just how deep do you believe?
Will you bite the hand that feeds?
Will you chew until it bleeds?
Can you get up off your knees?
Are you brave enough to see?
Do you want to change it?

What if this whole crusade's
A charade
And behind it all there's a price to be paid
For the blood
On which we dine
Justified in the name of the holy and the divine

Just how deep do you believe?
Will you bite the hand that feeds?
Will you chew until it bleeds?
Can you get up off your knees?
Are you brave enough to see?
Do you want to change it?

So naive
I keep holding on to what I want to believe
I can see
But I keep holding on and on and on and on

Will you bite the hand that feeds you?
Will you stay down on your knees?
the survey
Saturday. 5.29.04 9:40 pm
I stole this from Steves and Ashs NuTang, if anyone else does it, please share!
btw - i hate filling these out, but it gives everyone a chance to see a little more of me.
LAYER ONE:
-- Name: Jessica Ann Tischhauser
-- Birth Date: September 28, 1986
-- Birthplace: Plano, Texas.
-- Current Location: The Woodlands, Texas.
-- Eye Color: green with brown on the inside and blue on the outside
-- Hair Color: Brown.
-- Height: 5’1
-- Righty or Lefty: lefty

LAYER TWO:
-- Your weakness: imperfection
-- Your fears: dying in fire, being alone
-- Your perfect pizza: tons of pepperoni and black olives
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: perfection

LAYER THREE:
-- Your most overused phrase(s): "Yeah."
-- Your thoughts first waking up: Sleep button
-- Your best physical feature: my hair
-- Your bedtime: Midnightish
-- Your most missed memory: my childhood pre-lynnette

LAYER FOUR:
-- Pepsi or Coke: pepsi
-- McDonald's or Burger King: mcdonalds - better fries
-- Single or group dates: don't care - usually depends on the person
-- Adidas or Nike: Nike.
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: tazo
-- Chocolate or Vanilla: both
-- Cappuccino or Coffee: mocha

LAYER FIVE:
-- Smoke: not really anymore
-- Cuss: only for emphasis
-- Sing: yup, and well too
-- Take a shower every day: mostly
-- Do you think you've been in love: wtf? i'm 17. how should i know?
-- Want to go to grad school: yup
-- Like high school: hell no!
-- Want to get married: Yes and only once.
-- Believe in yourself: only sometimes
-- Get motion sickness: no
-- Think you're attractive: sometimes
-- Think you're a health freak: i try and fail
-- Get along with your parents: sometimes
-- Like thunderstorms: most definitely
-- Play an instrument: oboe, my radio

In the past month . . .
-- Drank alcohol: .......
-- Smoked: ........
-- Done a drug: why would i answer these questions?
-- Had sex: No. Unless Miss Ashley counts...
-- Made out: See above.
-- Gone on a date: not in the past month
-- Gone to the mall: Ohhh too many times.
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: not in the past month
-- Eaten sushi: not in the past month
-- Been on stage: yup
-- Been dumped: nope
-- Gone skating: nope
-- Made homemade cookies: yup
-- Gone skinny-dipping: No, but it sounds like a good idea.
-- Dyed your hair: nope
-- Stolen anything: nope

LAYER SEVEN:
Ever . . .
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: yup
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yup
-- Been called a tease: yup
-- Gotten beaten up: nope
-- Shoplifted: yup
-- Changed who you were to fit in: when i was in middle school, just like every other kid

LAYER EIGHT:
-- Age you hope to be married (ish): 22
-- Numbers and Names of Children: i want none at the moment, but in i'm sure i'll change my mind. there are too many names to type right now
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: Includes true love, and a pretty dress.
-- How do you want to die: Happy and loved
-- Where you want to go to grad school: harvard med or baylor med or germany
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: happy, hot, successful, in love
-- What country would you most like to visit: new zealand, germany, spain

LAYER NINE:

In a guy/girl . . .
-- Best eye color: don't matta
-- Best hair color: i tend to lean toward dark, but don't matta
-- Short or long hair: once again - don't matta
-- Height: Taller than me.
-- Best weight: wtf? why is that important?
-- Best articles of clothing: whatever he likes
-- Best first date location: where ever
-- Best first kiss location: where ever

LAYER TEN:
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: don't ask
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: i could count them on one hand
-- Number of CDs that I own: i dunno. over 200
-- Number of piercings: Four - soon to be more
-- Number of tattoos: not yet, haven't decided whether or not i want one
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: i dunno. more than i can count on one hand
-- Number of scars on my body: SO many.
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: 0

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Saturday. 5.29.04 9:26 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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life is full of love and hate relationships
Saturday. 5.29.04 11:36 am
for instance -
i love reese's peanut butter anything
i hate peppermint
i love the rain
i hate drizzle
i love music
i hate most country
i love movies
i hate those unlearned in movies
i love socks
i hate my feet
i love nail polish
i hate when nail polish smudges
i love shopping
i hate shopping
i love my family
i hate my room
i love my cd collection
i hate the fact that i don't have more
i love tank tops
i hate that my wardrobe is so small
i love smell-good stuff
i hate hypocrites
i love ice cream
i hate girls - especially the ones prettier than me
i love choclate chip cookies
i hate being bored
i love sleeping
i hate sleeping on the floor
i love my car
i hate my car
i love nars make-up
i hate the price
i love shoes
i hate that i don't have more
i love the funny people
i hate my shortcomings
i love that i have no regrets
i hate that i have no regrets
i love my new orange dress
i hate having to straighten my hair
i love to read
i hate to do homework
i love boys
i hate boys
i love my friends
i hate my friends
i love people who love me
i hate when people don't
i love flowers
i hate my need to be perfect

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stressed and pissy
Saturday. 5.29.04 9:18 am
is how i get when i can't sleep. i knew i was dependent on a lot of sleep before. but man, going three weeks with barely any is trying to kill me. i want to kill everyone! except ashley cause she talks to me and understands. it's 830 in the morning and i have been awake for an hour after 'sleeping' for four hours on the couch. which really doesn't count cause it really wasn't sleep. there are things i need to do today and people i need to talk to. but i don't really know when and if that is actually going to happen. man, just take me to work to get my paycheck then to the bank and then to hobby lobby. then i will be ok, i hope. at least i will be occupied! arghh!

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today
Thursday. 5.27.04 3:39 pm
so, today is the day i have been looking forward to for 13 freaking years. i am graduating.finally. and i am graduating feeling like i learned something. ok, not much, but something none the less. how do i feel about that you ask. well, let me tell you. i am so excited i could pee my pants - but i save myself the humiliation. i am so sad i just want to cry for hours. i am so stressed i could wring someone's neck. i am so tired i feel like i could hibernate through the summer. and finally, i am so afraid that i want to go run and hide somewhere. why so many emotion? who knows why. but it may kill me. so, if i can make it until 1030ish tonight, i will have graduated high school. if i can't, well the world is better off. and that is all i have to say.

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blehck!
Monday. 5.24.04 10:09 pm
so, i just got done making the dough for four batches of my famous chocolate chip cookies. and now i am wearing a lot of it. and tomorrow i get to bake all of it. the plan - to make ashley fat and feed my english class one last time. so, i have two days left and i am nervous as all hell.i'm excited, terrified and sad. most of the people i hang out with everyday are going to be gone soon, and i will prolly never see them again. but i don't want to think about it. so i have a pissy story for the day. on friday i went to christopher's classroom to get all my books. i had thought my cat book was in there, but i only saw my eco and english book. so i grab them and leave. then i go to my first two classes like normal. well, my third class is anatomy and she wanted us to turn in our cat books. so i go to the tables where we keep them all, and mine is no where to be found. well, i searched her room high and low for a good 15 minutes and found nada. so, today i go in and there is a list of people on the board that still have to turn in their cat books. and at the bottom of the list reads - "Jessica T - Ashley W. brought it in for you" WTF!!! why the hell did she have my cat book?!?! i was pissed. who gave her the right to go through my stuff and do with it as she pleases? after all the stuff we went through a couple weeks ago, i could have killed her. why can that girl never mind her own business? did she think she was doing me a favor by not telling me what she did with my stuff? and if she was trying to be nice cause she had that class later, then why didn't she also bring my english book - the class she has before me? oh, i was livid! so, anyway, that is my pissy story. ttyl.

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