5:07. that is when i woke up.
7:0..6? that is when i left the house.
i was dropped off at school around 7:23. from there, i turned the other direction.
it was still early, yet i was already starting to feel the heat. i browsed through the 7-eleven, ending up buying 2 things that i realize now i did not eat. waste of money.
the bus was empty for the most part when i first got on. drop off at torrey pines. i crossed the street, but not before some hentai blew kisses from his car. i walked a bit, feeling the heat penetrate my skin even more. turned on viking. from a distance, even from behind the tall bushes, i could see jess outside, walking around, doing stuff. so i froze like an idiot. and from across the street, a man saw me and called out. i held up my hands, i suppose to indicate i had no intention of stealing the car i was standing behind, which i assume was his because he was approaching it.

we talked for a little bit, discussing reno and tahoe. he turned out to be a decent person. it was disclosed that he was visiting because of family. he asked about me, and i answered i was 16 and attending a magnet school. then i decided it better to leave, so i waved and started walking... away from nick's house. i walked for a little bit more before i turned and noticed the man was following. he caught up to me and asked if i wanted to walk with him. for some reason, some odd notion in my brain that i couldn't explain nor distinguish, i took the different path and said "sure."

words were exchanged. about the heat, about gambling, about his house on a mountainside 30 minutes outside of l.a., about his real estate company. i was surprised that i turned out to be so talkative. we ended up at the local smith's and he bought beer. as we were leaving, he started asking me about god and religion. i told my religious past, despite being unsteady about the topic. we sat at the edge of a curb where shade was available. from there, he told his story about finding and knowing god, after losing his job and becoming a bum--his encounter with good and evil spirits, his outlook on christianity. i, for the most part, listened: i only interjected a few questions here and there. he offered to send me a bible so that i could read it. we exchanged phone numbers, and i left, returning to nick, in a very pensive state of mind. the whole encounter was very peculiar for me. i wondered why he decided to talk with me, why i felt so at ease with him, not worried that he would try to jump me or anything. it uneased a bit how he bought alchohol with me around, and yet i grew comfortable again because that didn't change his demeanor with me. i wonder how old he is; if he's married. i wonder if that experience was more than coincidence.

i went back to nick's house. i did not see him behind me as i returned. we stayed there for an hour or so then left, into the business centre, then to catch the bus back down to spring valley. the convenience store at the corner of the street has no fucking slurpee cups. that made my hands sticky. the heat was unbearable. we retreated to the shady bleachers, then into a movie rental store to look at video games and reminesce. i got another drink, but the stupid asian bus driver made me throw it away. rainbow; jack in the box; frank with no jacket! i left him with the punk. i waited for the bus. i waited on the bus. i got off the bus. i walked some more in the heat. i got home before my dad did. and here i am. here i am.

i somewhat regret not going to school today. tomorrow will follow with a huge exam. then he'll be gone again, second time in a row. i should finish the logo before they go on tour. aghhh.... weary body! weary mind!

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joyful day!

i don't like the girl in algebra. its official, i don't care if she'll give me shit or if she thinks i'm cool. the la-la-lady is annoying, i seriously dislike her. i prefer she shut up. to think i have to deal with her for another three weeks. but putting algebra aside, neal came after school today, yet i didn't come with the chlorine tabs. we sauntered below the scorching heat. gliding through the dollar store and smith's; we took the bus down flamingo to kenny guinn. the explosive was very cool. the mini-mart was very dim. spring valley library "libarary." the air conditioner blew in a bit too cold. myspace; talking about many things; there was laughter and IM'ing about rubber animals in the meadow. walked to the house of a girl named michelle, decided to turn back. my husband called; alas, he returned finally. yet the mention of neal brought upon the apathy i had so feared. yet, he came down anyway but neal left before he arrived.

...at first, i didn't see him, i was lying on the grass, looking towards guinn, expecting him to emerge from the sunlight in his dark tall form. i finally turned around to see him sitting behind me, his camera phone aimed at me, with a brand-new jamaica hat situated on his head. i didn't know what to do, uncertainty swept me over at the thrill of finally seeing him. i ended up jumping up and running towards like an idiot and landing atop of him, embracing, kissing, glasses. we stayed there awhile, regardless of the skaters who were naught 30 feet away, sharing our affections. the feeling of seeing him and being able to hug him once more was inescapable. the sullenness detected through his voice on the phone had gone away. then, the words slipped from my mouth, without warning. the brain inhibitors seemed to be out of service i suppose. again his kisses fell on me again and there we lay, in the grass, facing the clear blue sky. there was a person in the van watching later, that alarmed me. we walked to the am-pm and then to wendy's, where he proceeded to delete every picture i tried to take of him. he had to leave before my mom came. my mom honked; i hopped in; questions ensued; excuses followed. my father did not turn out to be in the happiest of moods. the water pipe outside my window broke. there is no water. but i am happy.

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ohh my heart there were no fireworks! we didn't get any fireworks! not that i wanted the fireworks, oh no. i just watched them go alight in the sky in a spiraling display of vibrant colors that made the sky a bit more worthwhile to look at. today, today, i got new shoes, however frivolous it is, i went to target. i saw a girl in my class there, the one with the dyed hair who always sleeps. i don't like her much. i ended up making 2/3 of the dinner today, which explained why it tasted like crap. i danced around like an idiot for some reason, causing my leg to hurt. turns out i didn't bring neal the chlor. tabs. maybe tomorrow. tomorrow, yes, my husband returns. i have enough money for the shirt now. lots of people are talking to me. its so weird.

the dye job didn't work, fuck. i cut my bangs and tried to dye them but it washed out. i start school in almost 7 hours.

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my feet are throbbing from the pain of having to walk 382330989082 miles today. went with my mother to the fashion show; i didn't finish my lunch again; we walked in the blistering sweltering heat of 104+ down to the ross across the street from stardust. kristen text'd me, that was cool. we walked back, went to walmart, then home depot. unless my mind deceives me, which is possible due to the impairing heat, i think i heard hilary duff playing in home depot. it was quite funny.

i am reading this book, balzac and the little chinese seamstress and it is acclaimed, i guess, as a good book. 35 pages into it and i'm thinking, "this is not a good book." it doesn't impress me the way gail tsukiyama's words do, but i will continue and see if my mind is changed.

i think mika ditched her summer school class. i don't see at her break. but, its her $95.

my body is extremely fatigued. i hear pounding outside. i need to finish the logo, soon.

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my husband has communicated with me, at last! right now he's in key west, i believe, smashing away blood-sucking mosquitoes. he asked me about how my days have gone so far, so i told him. his response was something slightly edged with apathy. its funny how we're both similar in that aspect. i don't like it when girls--and oh, how there are many--who comment or try to flirt with him on myspace or what have you. i hate it with a fruitful passion; and everytime it is brought up in thought, i sink into a despondent state. HE doesn't like it when i meet new people, particularly boys, because he considers them a threat. he should know that would never happen. never ever.

my mother has been pestering me lately about my emotional state. today, as expected, i did nothing much. i basically slept and spent time on the computer. and i suppose because my voice tone was not pleasing to her, she thinks something's wrong. and my father is disgustedly happy because he has found a generator for our camping trip next weekend. he's really intolerable; he likes to complain and bitch about how there's no money for us to spend, and then he goes out with his own business of purchasing a $1000+ generator that he will use no more than 10 times, no doubt.

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i'm tired.

its not until now in this 100 degree weather that has been going on for almost 2 weeks that i start to feel hot. i don't know where my mother is, she probably went on on her temporary running-away episodes again. i need to go out soon.

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