I passed the half-way point in NaNoWriMo yesterday!

For those of you who aren't in the know, as they say, that means I've written more than 25 thousand words in 6 days, which I feel is pretty awesome, super, and/or rad.

However, today, I was throwing away the pasta box from dinner, and I slammed my finger in the door. I'm pretty sure I have a hairline fracture, but I can't go to the hospital to see because I have no health insurance. It is, however, my right ring finger, which I only need for o's, l's, p's and periods (or full stops), but still... Periods! That's, like, the most commonly used punctuation!

I'm trying to write it off (pardon the pun) like one would walk off a twisted ankle, but it really friggin' hurts. When I finish NaNoWriMo with a broken finger, I will be just that much more awesomely proud of myself, and that's really the only thing that's keeping me going, cause it totally took me a half hour to write this post in avoiding using that specific finger. I'm only hoping the pain doesn't distract me enough to mess up my writing.

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I'm doing nanowrimo this year, and I'm already losing steam a little. It's like showers. You don't want to do it, but once you start you can't stop, cause the water (or idea expressing) feels so good, and then you have to get out (to save the environment, or your sanity, whichever the case may be) and you can't wait until you can get back in, but then you don't want to get back in again and try to justify not doing it that day.

Or is it just me who has a love/hate relationship with showers? And writing?

Anywho, I could use some people yelling at me to motivate me sometimes. I think my story's got some potential, if I can just finish it. I have awesome ideas (though I say so myself), but sometimes some difficulty expressing them, and I end up freewriting and losing all control of what I'm saying, and it ends up being wordvomit that somehow flows together and would be golden with a little fine-tuned editing, of which I am incapable because my editing of my own work is anything but fine-tuned, and I end up changing the whole thing, and it becomes cliche and over-used and certainly uninspirational, and I scrap the whole project!

*takes a deep breath*

So... yeah... Also, I'm almost out of mint tea (for the stimulation of brain cells) and no money to buy more. I wonder if my sister will let me borrow some of her "awake" tea...

Edit: A link to my nanowrimo profile is at the bottom of this paragraph, because embedding it in the word "here" wasn't working for me, if you want to read a short synopsis and the first couple paragraphs of what I've got. Also, if anyone is very knowledgeable about dinosaurs, and which would be the most awesome for my story, I'd definitely appreciate the help. I have links of research, but an A-Z list of every dinosaur known to man is exhausting to read through, though it does power my procrastination.

http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/553564

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listening to: Green Day

So, I spent the whole day applying for jobs yesterday, and I've still got tonnes to do, so we're going next weekend to finish it up. I was a preferred applicant at Publix, which is awesome, so I'm hoping someone quits or gets fired soon.

Mum's getting a house, and the deal's almost closed, so that's good, apart from the no-appliances-in-it thing. But we got a really awesome LG side-by-side fridge with a water/ice thing that pulls out if you want to fill a whole pitcher. It pulls out. For pitchers. Oh my gee.

Also, I really need to get rid of some clothes. That is all.

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watching: NCIS
mood: bittersweet

So, I've lost 11.5 lbs so far on the diet.
But I spend most of my time like this guy: , which is fine, because I actually love exercise (who'd've thunk?).

But Asher ran away this morning. I'm really worried. I can't go looking for him on foot because I live in a suburban maze with "the most confusing and retarded layout ever", according to a friend who was trying to find my place a few weeks ago. So I have to wait until Kelly gets home with her car, and I'm absolutely terrified that I'm going to find my dog on the side of the road. Not only is he my favourite person in the whole house, but my mother left me in charge of the dogs when she left for the week. Admittedly, I didn't stand much chance of stopping a 150 lb. great dane and an 80 lb. black lab from getting out once the door was open, if they really wanted to go, but... I still feel like it was my fault. Actually, it was. I could've told them to stay before I opened the door. I guess I figured they already knew the drill.

Also, I went for a job interview on Saturday. I'm really hoping I get it. I thought I did well. I thought I seemed confident and charming, but I haven't heard anything yet.

7 months and 2 days, and it's still surreal. I didn't expect to miss him that much. I mean, he's my dad, and I knew I would miss him, but... I thought I was tough, right? lol

My step-dad keeps sending me conservative propaganda via e-mail. I don't even know how he got my e-mail, and I wish I could tell him to stop, but I'm too much of a coward to stand up to the man even through the internet. Weird, being afraid of a man I haven't seen in 3 years, but justified, maybe.

*sigh*

I'm rambling on all different topics today. Truth be told, I'm more writing a blog because it'd been awhile since I posted than because I had something to say. Putting quantity over quality? Or making sure I don't give it up, as I am prone to do? That's me, I guess. The girl who puts her whole heart into things until she finds something new. Interesting quirk or devastating flaw?

Sometimes I just wanna get a hug and be told everything will be alright, and I don't care if I'm being cliche. God, I could use a boyfriend.

Speaking of boys and (hopefully) future boyfriends, Will got a job. He also passed his exams, which means he can finish his degree. I'm really happy for him.
Even if it does mean he's gon' be too busy to talk to me as often.
'Cause, hey, he feels productive, and happy, and like a real man, and that's important to him. And I can deal with only talking to him two or three days a month if that's all he can manage, cause I know he will make time for me, because he cares about me. Because I am pretty and sweet and funny and smart and excellent at overusing "and". And, surprisingly, none of what I just said was bullshit. Wow. My confidence really HAS gotten way better. Two years ago, I was the type of insecure that needed compliments from two or three different men to feel even ok about myself. Now, I know I'm ok. Most days. But it's an improvement. Still... it'd be nice to actually meet in person this man I like so much. Stupid ephin' ocean.

So... just for the record... all the things I've improved about myself in the last few months: I quit smoking. I quit biting my nails. My confidence is way better. I clean (most of the time) when I'm supposed to. I'm losing weight and getting all in shape and muscled. *flexes* OK, so I'm not exactly Schwarzenegger, but I don't wanna look like I've OD'd on testosterone, anyway. I just wanna stop jiggling and be healthy.

I'm going to stop rambling now. I'm only doing it to distract myself, anyway. *sigh* Where IS that dumbshit dog?

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listening to: 96.9 WINK FM, which happens to be playing "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train right now.

So, I've been on this diet for a little over a week now, and lost 6.5 pounds (yay!), and I'm feeling very good about it, because it's specifically aimed at my hypothyroidism, and it's a healthy way to get in shape, and all in all, I'm feeling good. [Insert Bublé lyrics here]

Having said that, the 30-90 minutes of cardio a day is starting to wear me down, and I need a rest day, but there isn't one in the forecast. So I'm in bed at 10 every night, and awake at 7, and still exhausted until I get my breakfast, and spend most of the day only slightly less tired than I was before. I need a kick in the pants to keep me honest, because I'm doing so well and I so don't want to mess it up. I need to be healthy. I'm so tired of being sick and tired and overweight and lazy. So, please, feel free to send me any non-religious-based motivation you can think up. I'd really appreciate it.

Now... on another subject:

I got my passport (woohoo!) but my contact who said he could get me a job is NOWHERE to be found. I'm sure he's not avoiding me, but...come on, man! Tell me somethin'. I need this job. I took a huge risk in hopes of getting it. I at least want some flippin' feedback.

Also, I had a dream that I was in London, in a relationship with Will, and that he cheated on me, which OBVIOUSLY forced my insecurities into overdrive, and he's been busy, too, which is understandable, cause I think he has classes now, but whatever. Point is, I'm feeling very iffy. It's been almost 7 months since my dad died, so I'm feeling that, and Simon's going to join the British Army and maybe get sent to a war zone, and I'm wigging out. I know it's good to stand up for one's country and everything, but I hate the danger involved, and I'm feeling terrible for Kira worrying about HER father, and...and I'm going to get an ulcer or something. So I'm going to sit here and chow down on this 100-calorie pack of chocolate-covered pretzels and hope everything resolves itself. That is all.

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They look remarkably alike, imho.

Zooey:


Katy:

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