Sunday. 2.18.07 10:21 pm
everything changes yet nothing changes. one thinks they are diving into bliss when in reality they are diving into a bottomless pit. still you let them go. they must learn on their own. mistakes are what makes us strong. yet i still feel weak. the answer is out there some where. there must be a reason. i will hang onto faith. after all there is nothing else to hold on to.
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Sunday. 1.28.07 12:18 am
sometimes it is just not worth it to write anything down. i probably should but i dont feel like it and i am really aggravated so it would probably be just alot of complaining anyway. dont know why i even bothered signing on.
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Monday. 1.22.07 2:02 am
Thursday. 1.18.07 6:41 pm
one of the worse feelings a mother can have is the feeling of helplessness of not being able to help your child. you know they are hurting but they won't tell you why. you think you know but they deny it. so they hurt and you try and comfort them but you know that the comfort they really need is not from you but from him.
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Friday. 1.12.07 8:13 pm
Well i have a major sinus headache and my nose is driving me crazy!

My husband's bad luck seems to be continuing. Had to rush him to the Urologist again this morning because he was passing kidney stones again. So they fill him up with pain meds and send him home to ride it out. At lease when giving birth you get to stay in the hospital, and from my observations of my husband, the pain he experiences seems to be pretty close, if not more than (I had easy births) labor pains.
My teenage daughter is driving me insane cause she acting so incredibly stupid right now in the boy department. Even her younger sister has lectured her. Does not help that my youngest is very fond of the boy my oldest recently broke up with. Plus, my youngest has informed me and her sister that this boy is like a "big bro" to her and she is gonna keep talking to him no matter what. I like him too. He is a good kid. He just needs to not cut up so much in school and with his friends..at least not do it in front of my oldest cause she freaks out every time. She is shy and does not like to be the center of any kind of attention and every time he acts up with his friends, everyone looks at her and she just hates that.
Plus she felt like he treated her more like one of the guys instead of a girlfriend. Not sure what she expected since they are so young... she just kept saying he goofs around too much at school and pays attention to his friends and not me. Yet when she and him did things together, just the two of them, she would be totally wrapped up in him.
I give up..makes my head hurt to think about it. I would not go back to being a teenager, if it was possible, for all the money in the world.
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Tuesday. 1.9.07 8:47 am
what is the point? what is my purpose? right now i see a big fat blank in answer to these questions. i pray for answers and hope they come before it is too late.
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