one would that once you join the military that your money problems would be less or perhaps thats what an inexperienced one would think. so here i am staring at a large pile of bills.. well not really large but big enough.. who would think that 3 bills would cause such a problem. i guess i should have made some better life decisions. life probably would have been a bit easier but at least i'm learning from all this. i thought about putting up a paypal donations thingy... i wonder if anyone would actually donate to me and my wife?.... now thats an interesting question considering that most the people on nutang are kids...excuse me teenagers... but if anyone is offering help..i'll gladly take all that i could get.

well, married life is good. i'm just waiting for a little bit to move off of base to an appartment that my wife and i can finally have our own place, as opposed to her living with mom and me living in the barracks on base. i just wish money was easier to make. wait thats right... i just wish i had more money, not at the expence of others but it would be nice to just pay off my 3 credit cards, and my car note. now that would give enough money to start a nice little life with my wife.

well, i'll write more at later date.

oh yea, juiccy,
your poetry.... increditable... at least in my opinon.

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well it would appear that i'm bored even though we get movies here before they hit dvd for rental and purchase i have seen all the movies available and i am bored now. nothing to do...
ok i got a gamecube....again.....meaning i had one back in 2002 but traded it in for an xbox but then i sold that xbox and the games i had for it and then i bought another one and then i bought a ps2 and now the gamecube again. but then again my current xbox is in pawn for undisclosed reasons that i will not be releasing. and now i want the xbox back so i can trade that damn thing in for the 360 but do i really want a 360? i'm not sure yet. i'll keep for now. hell i just might buy a 360 straight and just start collecting systems again. can we get some new smilies? that would be awesome. but neway.
married life you ask? its great alittle bumpy but hey they say the first 3-5 yrs are always the hardest. but you know what? i feel like sea food tonight, i wonder if wife will want some? we'll see... but hey later on

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yep as you can tell, i've added the system video. why you ask? first, coolies to zero_jak for the idea (i stole it from his site)and second,.... because there was no Lamb of God videos i could put there. besides, system is my second fav band.

hmmm...this new popularity test...i don't really know what to think about it. i mean i came to blogging because my gf at the time had one and i was curious and so i started one. then it became a small obsession for a little while and then i quit blogging all together and now i'm here again to make an online journal and perhaps release alittle bit of stress but now i hav ethis "wonderful" chance to be popular? lol, i'm just joshin ya'll! neway.. its kinda cool really. i mean here at least the nerd/geek/dork can be popular. lol.

my first week of being married is pretty cool. lol, we get along better than ever. i guess marriage does kinda bring you closer. i just hope it lasts. ::shakes head:; she hates the military and i'm active duty sooo, theres a prob but i'm gettin out in about 2 1/2 yrs. so if we last that long...then i'm sure we'll last longer. well thats it for now...

ps.
i like those little images.

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well, i got married, i couldn't be happier. yea, i know my past couple of posts have been a bit bleh and not condusive to my love of my wife but you know what? up yours i can think if i want too. so :P.... the little images are blocked by my popup blocker. damn. neway. i'm really tired and i have a looooong day ahead of me tomorrow but i can't go to bed yet b/c i have to stay up for awhile..just one of those bad habits. well, if anyone wants to know more about something let me know.

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to continue with last entries "stuff" section.
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now you must understand, i'm not marring kushiel. she was a love that was never experienced, we never had one another in that fashion. we just loved one another, we never experienced one another beyond a kiss and a hugg... and to be honest i kinda like that. cuz when it comes down to it, that love was pure, nothing tainted it, we never dated, had sex, hell we only kissed once. hell, we don't even really talk that much, our friendship is based purely upon just a few months a talking and hanging out togther. also, by the time we were gonna date, i left for the navy and then we grew apart, i went my way and she went hers. and now i will never know what could have been and i like it like that. why?.... well, you have to look at it like this. people fall in love everyday and they get hurt everyday, all of the 'love' they have felt in their life was ended with pain. but with kushiel it started with pain and it ended without pain. it went in reverse. i found something in her that outlasted friendship and love... it was 'brotherhood and sisterhood' a love so pure that ..... it can't exsist.

but now your wondering who i'm marring right? well, i'm marring my current girl friend whom i've been with for almost a year. and i'm happily miserable with her. now your scraching your head and going "huh?" well, let me explain further. along time ago i 'figured out'(so i thought) that love was nothing more than toleration of someone else in your life. ex. - how long you could tolerate someone, or how long you can tolerate what they did and so and so forth. now, that was with twy, whom i must say did greater impact how i thougth about love, life, and how one should act in both. now you must understand that twy and mine relationship was very destructive and abusive... well not abusive but not good all the same. there was just too many differences between the two of use. neway. with cel (wife to be), i learned that love is not tolerance but acceptance. though many will argue that those two words are synonyms, but i have thought and thought about it and they are not.. though their meanigs may be simular they are not in a practical sense of life. i tolerate other people at work because i have too, i accept many things about cel because it is who she is and i can't change that unless she wants it to change too. but neway. i'm rambling now and i have no idea of how to continue and those of you out there who do actually read this know that i will continue to type for awhile yet even though my train of thought was broken. well neway.

i'm kinda glad cel doesn't use the internet much and that she probably doesn't remember this site cuz damn would i be hurting. but then again this is my place and she understands that. i could leave my written journal out and she wouldn't read it.. its just the kind of person she is. neway. i'm tired and i'm still at work waiting for this family to live so i can watch another movie. well later on people.

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well, lets start with the begining of the title.

life.
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what can one say about their own life? (without sounding like they want pity).... life as an adult is harder than i thought when i was still living with dad and fatass. i wish i had saved alot of money so now i wouldn't be worried about it so much. my mom has cancer again and is fighting a losing battle but she just keeps fighting... makes you regret ever even thinking about suicide. but let me pose a question to those who do read this.... what is life to you?

love.
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in the vivid truth of love... i hate love, simply because its hard as fuck to be happy and be in love. why you ask? because love hurts you too easily... one moment on top of the world next your in the depths of purgatory awaiting satan's harsh love. do i wish i hadn't fallen in love? once in awhile but thats normal. well, onto the next subject.

marriage.
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everyone should do it at least once. enough said.

stuff.........
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. i love concerts. its a freaking relief to be able to just go and have fun and chill and firlt and beat the crap out of someone in the pit. tattooing is WAY harder than you think. i want another tattoo... i miss it. i wish i could beack to that one moment in time when i knew perfect happiness. it was with Kushiel when i was transferring to tx. a perfect day laying next to her,arms around her, the sun shining on the leaves outside the window, nicklecreek playing in the background, her warmth, her carress.... damn, if i could only go back in time and be with her... and now look i'm gettin gmarried in 5 days.. one could wonder why. i miss her like... a sculpture misses the feeling of his tools and the stone/wood/whatever.

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