First I went to my mom's friend's house cuz it was her birthday. There were just a bunch of little kids and I was bored most of the time. Then I went to my cousin's house for more food, but then they left to go hang out with their friends. They offered me to go with them, but I knew I'd just be a third wheel. I don't want to be a tag-along. I know they just did it to be nice. This sucks. We all used to be so close, now, we're drifting apart. I miss being a kid, well not really cuz I was a brat. But I miss all that family bonding crap. Oh well, its the end of an era, I'll just admit that.

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FUCK

I just felt like saying it.

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I'm pissed at my parents right now. My dad for accusing me of not going to work (How the hell would he even know if I went to work or not? He doesn't drive me all the time). And my mom, for taking my money and not paying me back. I'm pissed at myself cuz I don't have a car. My mom told me to get a job and I have 2! And I hate them! I've been working at this one place for 3 years, my first job. I should ask for a raise, but at the same time, I don't want to work there anymore. I dislike most of the people I work with so even if I get a raise, I'd have to deal with coworkers who won't talk to me for whatever reason. I'm shy so its really hard for me to say anything, not to mention my lack of self-esteem prevents me from doing anything. At least, the employees before them would actually make an attempt to talk to me. They just ignore me and only talk to each other, they don't even include one of my other coworkers, they don't talk to him either. My boss definitely favors them even though I've been there the longest. My other job, I just started last month. How can I sell something to people when its so expensive? I also think its cuz everyone is trying to bring me down, saying stuff like "Do you really like this job?". Well, I did at first when they made it seem easy, but its a lot harder than I thought, and I did everything they told me to do! I'm trying but, I'm not happy. I guess I wasn't cut out for that job, the only reason I did it was cuz of the $$$. I never saw myself doing that type of job anyway. I really wanna quit both jobs, but after I find another source of income. I really, need to find a job. The problem is that most jobs that I can apply for are in retail, I don't want to sell stuff. I'm gonna try to get a receptionist job, but I know I'll get bored after awhile. I just can't see my self sitting in an office at a desk in business clothes, that's just not me. I don't think I can accept that reality yet-or ever. Unfortunately, that's probably how I'll end up :'( The problem is that I don't want to work at a job I'll get sick of. But I guess everyone works at a place they hate at least once in their lives. We all want those stupid pieces of green paper so we can buy nice fancy stuff that will break down eventually because of planned obsolescence. I hate you capitalism, but this is the way our economy has run for so many years. I wonder what it would be like if America was communist? Maybe I'll move to China..........

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I hope I can can a good (read: high paying) job this summer. I really need the money to buy a car, then hopefully I can move out of the bird's nest. I wanna get outta here damnit!!!!

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