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with every mistake i have done i have not hatted anything more then the one i did to arline. i have come to relize, that you only get one real love in your life. the others are nothing like the one you realy love... i have been in love, and i have been lusted... but out of it all i will have to edmit, there has been nothing like the love i have had for arline... me and her have known each other for well over 2 years. and she even in times of absalut disaster she has seem to always brighten up my day... she has brote a lot of joy into my life, i have done the same for her but i also have broght her just as much pain if not more... i have fucked bad. and with her no worse then i can do... when you love some one that is all that should be in your heart... but i was far to young and stupid to understand that... and i made the mistake of stealing and cheating and lying... i stand here today to look back on my childish acts... and i think to my self... why did i do that... knowing how much i love her and how much she loves me... its sad realy, if you think about it... a women looking for a man... but with a little boy that has no hope of the deam of "love". you realy have to think to your self... are you ready to love some one no matter the cast? are you ready for the pain that may come with that love... and i would have to say yes... if you realy love some one then you sould put your heart and soul into it... you sould give them everything plus more.
there is meny things i have done but none no better then to actly love arline. and tell her the truth of what i realy am... and none better then what i have done for her... and i think that is why she has given me this second chance. after everything she beleaves in she has defide everything that she is... and has still given me this chance. and for this i owe her everything... and that is what im perpered to give her... everything, including my life. i love you arline, thank you for everything you have done for me... and thank you for being the one that loves me... i could not come up with some one better. i love you my everything!
to all the others out there as a close up, if you find that persion that makes you compleat... dont lose them. you only has a chance for your "dream girl" once. dont miss it and dont let it pass you bye... i have only one thing to say. love them like thay love you! no diffriend. no less.

Zero out

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it was just a year ago, i sould be happy but now i find myself tworling down a path of depresion, it was a year ago to the day that me and the love of my life got to gether, meny people think im over exsajerating, but no there is no one that you love more then anything in the world other then the love of your life, its imposible to explain what i mean, you would have to be me to know what im talking about. it almost 2 years from when i fell in love with her, she was the greatest thing on the planet. danm near 2 years ago i met her, i met her off nutang. cause i like the music she listion to and i was trying to get her attenchen as it was so i messiged her, it was pearly by luck, realy if you want to think about it. she would have normily just told me not to talk to her but she gave me the chance. and we ended up getting realy close. we talked all the time. and i became very romantic to her, and she liked it. and we became even closer, and i started falling in love with her. i ended up moving away, leaving everything behind me, unforchinitly. but as soon as i got ahold of a computer she was one of the first people that i messiged back to see how she was doing, then i ended up getting a new computer and we started talking again, making up on the lost time. getting everything out and about, and what not. well we ended up hooking up. june 30th, it made me so happy when she sead that she would give me a chance. both of us already had some farly strong feelings for each other, and thay got stronger and stronger, i ended up coming to the realization that she was the one ment for me, thow i didnt show it very well. about a month later we met, in persion for the first time... it was asome, we clicked even thow there was still a bit of uncofurt but we still were hella kool... it was asome, not to long after that i made the stupid ass choice to cheat on her... i tryed to brake up with her because i felt bad and i didnt want to do that to some one i loved so much but it was extreamly difficalt, and i could not stomic leaving her, so i just kept it a secret. thow that was worse then braking up with her and telling her then, this little lie went on for about 3 or 4 mounths befor my best homie chris desided to tell her, wail i was on my way to see her for the 3 time, i was expeting to go out there and have a blast, and i had just been thow 2 months worth of hell to get out there and when i get out there she asked me about it one last time, and i still lied to her, i like an idiot lied to the only persion that i love, the persion i want to be the most truthful to and i lie, it was not only that but it was about somthing we had tolked about over and over again. cheating was untolrible in our relationship. it was unexseptable. and i still did it... like an idiot. me and her wail we were together were the closest that anyone could get. and i fucked it all up by cheating on her... that was not more then 4 mounths ago, and i sit here rusing thow the memorys of the only persion i will ever love. and sit here and think of the onlything that ever ment anything to me, and i sit here and i think about the only thing that ever made me happy... when i sould think about what i did to the only thing that ever truly loved me back just as much as i loved her... think about the pain that i gave her for my selfish act, i was suposed to be hers and only hers but i fucked it all up bye not giving it all to her... its a danm same when the onlything that i could think about when i was cheating on her was getting my dick wet, and the only thing that i could think about when my true love was crying in front of me giving me the chance to fix shit, i lied to keep my self from getting into a hole world of shit. its that shit right now that i want, its that world of shit that i sould have on me... *sigh* why i did it, i have only one answer, because im an idiot, and i sould have had better controle of myself. and now that i have that control, that detication, that detumination, its to late. if i could have one wish, i would wish that i could have the only thing that i love back. i could have the only persion that means the world to me back. the only thing that i want anymore, is Arline Cervantes. the only persion i love. this is sead one year after we got together. today is suposed to be my happyest day. today i'm suposed to be there. today i'm suposed to be by her side. today is the day that i was suposed to ask her to be mine for the rest of my life. and today i cry, like no other. there is someny things that go wrong in our lives and this, this is the worst thing that could happend to mine. im sorry Arline, and i do still love you. no matter what i will always love you. and i hope that your just as happy with the man you marrie as you were with me.

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if i were to let go of you love it would be suiside, if i were to just let you go, i would lose it all... there is nothing in this world that would kill me more then to see you leave. i would not let it be, i would not just let you go like that. fuck that. i dont need to lost you to somthing like this. to death do us part and i live by that, no matter what. im sorry that things have happend the way thay have. and i expect to fix this shit, i sould have never put you thow the bull, that i have congerd up so well. i have broke 2 of the bigest pet peaves that yo have i cheated and i lied. i sould have never done ither of them. im not going to come up with some exuse. oh your 300 miles a way. no i did it cas i thot i could get away with it... but i could not get away with it, and in doing so i almost lost you. the best thing that has happend to me and i just about lost you. i saw the other side i dont like it. one mans heaven can be a nother mans hell. haven will never be what i want it to be with out you. you are my heaven... you are my dream... my reason for caring. if not for you then i dont think i would be were i am. im glad that you have given me this opertunity and im glad that you have fogeven me for the pain, in such i will promess you one thing and one thing only, you will always have my heart, no matter what happends. no matter how much you may hate me you will always have what i have always given you, and that is me.

for ever yours
Terry Lee Carlson

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happy six months, my love im so happy that we have been together for six months, i hope there is so much more to come, you just meen so much to me, and everything, i love you so much, i remeber when we first met you was all nice to me, and shit. you sead that you dont usily tolk to people, especily guys, so i felt special, . and then we started to get close, and you sead that you liked me, and you wished that i was closer so you could know me in rl. i was like wow think you, and then we started to get even closer and you called me one of your best friends, and i was like wow, i think that is when i found that i loved you, we started to open up to each other and we found more and more greatness in eachother, but you sead that i lived to far for anything to happend. but i understud that, and respected that, but then i moved away, and i was with some one i was not to fawnd of, then i was able to tolk to you again, and we both aged so much and became so much more matcher and you sead that it was nice to see that you was not forgoten, i was like omg she still rembers me and she still considers me as one of her closest buds. you that day made me feel loved, and you had gaven me the same feeling as you did six months befor, i still remeber to this day the things you sead to me, and the little romatic things we did to gether, even if we were just friends, we still had so much fun together, and we were close as hell. and then i got the internet back after 8 months of not tolking we started tolking again, and you just sead that you didnt care about the distince thing, you just cared about me, and that you sead that you had found your self falling in love with me. i had never found my self feeling so happy in my life, you sead that yes even thow there was a distence thing there, you didnt care about that and that you would date me even if we were so fare apart. you just didnt want somthing like this to pass you up, i was like oh my god i think i have gotten what i wanted. and then we found out that we could actily become somthing. and when i first met you in real life the first time i ever saw you, you was in your sisters car and i was on my bike, you had climbed out of the car and i sead nothing i just gave you the bigest hug in the world, it was 3 days befor our first month aniversiry and it was the greatest moment in my life. to hold the one i love for the very first time. it was a dream coming true. and then we just grew even closer and closer, and found out that we didnt just want a boyfriend, girlfriend relationship, we found that we actily are just the same and my some day wish to get married to eachother, and everytime we have tolked about it it just brings us closer to eachother. and then you came out the secont time, and you asked me if i realy did want for you to become my wife, and i remeber the way i sead it and i looked into your eyes and just sead, "yes". and all you did was smile. nothing eals just smiled, and as time continued we tolked more and more about it, we have come to the conclustion that we love each other, and we both want to live together, and die happy in eachothers arms. all i know right now is that i love you with all myheart and that will never change, you mean everthing to me, and that is the reason i wake in the morning and continue to breath throw the days, that you are out there in love with me, and that i want you to make me happy, and i want to show you that your are the greatest persion that lives. I love you Arline Cervantes, with all my heart and all my soul. think you Arline you have done so much for me, and i want to repay you for everything that you have done for me, by helping your thow your life with me. i hope that some day we may die with eachother in our arms and each others love in our hearts. I love you!

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