I have had a lot of good luck with these in the past, so here are my resolutions for 2006.

1. Plan my life more
2. Pay back the people who I owe money to
3. Be less irresponsible with girls
4. Be nicer to everyone
5. Be a better student
6. Be a better friend

Here's to 2006!

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I live in this new apartment now and it is very nice, however there are very few things in it that actually belong to me. The beds that my roommate and I sleep on were bought and paid for by my mom, just like the desks, the light, the end tables, the coffee table, the TV stands, the TV, the DVD player, the chairs, the liquor we've been destroying, the interface I've been using to record, the plates, the silverware, the glasses, and most of the food. The rest of the food was bought and paid for by Dave, as has been the first month's rent.

The electric guitar I play was a gift to me from my dad when I was a junior in high school; the acoustic I play was a gift-to-be-paid-back to me from my mom. My drums were a birthday present when I was 14. My computer was my graduation present from my dad and Heidi, and they held out that I owed them $800 on it because they were only going to pay $500 for the whole mess, however I believe that was forgiven a while ago too.

Currently I owe my mom somwehere along the lines of $3000 for stuff she gave me last summer, namely my car, guitar, and mixer, though in fairness, I have poured a buttload of money in insurance, gas, and repairs, and my mom does get to drive the car around most of the time.

Currently I owe my dad somewhere around $500 plus a billion other little things I'm sure, just from him bailing me out of rent problems over the last few years.

Dave has basically tapped himself dry providing stuff for the apartment, and while it's all going to change in T-5 days, he still was able to do what he could, and all I could do was say "Hey, my mom's got this furniture in a storage facility that she can't afford. Let's go get it."

I don't know. I'm just feeling like I wish I could do more for the people I know because I'm feeling a lot like a mooch right now. I know you have to do what you have to do, but I'm almost 22 and I don't think I've ever been able to actually provide for myself, with the exception of when I was in the dorms and working, and that was only for myself and I rarely got to do anything for anybody else. I feel like I owe everybody a lot and I just take for granted that people are going to help me out when I think I need it. And perhaps that's not such a bad thing, but I want my turn to do that for someone else.

I guess I'm starting to get my shit together enough to know that I can't be living on someone else's dime anymore and I'm feeling bad about it. I owe everybody so much and I want to do more than just pay it back, I want to be able to give that to someone else. I wanna be owed money because that means I had it in the first place, which means I got myself to a point where I could make enough to give it to people, which means I will have succeeded to a degree financially, which to me will mean that I will have succeeded to a degree personally.

Because right now I've got $0.40 to my name.

This sounds to me a lot like Maslow's hierarchy of needs stuff. Just an afterthought.

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Happy frickin new year, Nutang! I had a blast this year and I definitely got to bring in the new year with a bang!

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Man I can't understand people who bitch about life sometimes. My life is a fucking party all the time and I will tell you EXACTLY WHY.

Dave and I finally moved into a new apartment and it's been nothing but madness non-stop since we got there.

1/2/06 - HEY EVERYBODY. I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT THIS FIRST POINT HAS BEEN REVISED SLIGHTLY. SOMEONE POINTED OUT TO ME THAT THE WAY IT WAS WORDED MADE IT SEEM LIKE DAVE AND I ARE GAY AND THIS IS NOT SO. - Dave

- Apparently gay men, contrary to popular belief, are the WORST housekeepers on the face of the planet. The gay guy who lived there before us absolutely trashed the place, him and the chick there anyway. It was disgusting really, and it had this smell of old gay ass there. The place is still dirty even after we mopped, sweeped, and vacuumed every inch of it
- We have been shoveling shit back and forth from my mom's ill-begotten storage facility basically every day. Highlights include carrying a queen-sized mattress two miles through town, including a stoplight and crossing the street several times. I love it when people would wave to me. How the fuck am I going to wave back? Good job geniuses.
- I had the BEST unofficial housewarming party EVER. Chicken and his incredibly hot friend Janine came up for some recording the first weekend we were there. Songs got recorded, copious amounts of beer were consumed, and it turns out Janine is pretty much the coolest girl ever. DAMN YOU FOR LIVING IN MARYLAND. Some lines have to be drawn.
- My band's CD is quickly nearing completion. We have mixing on three tracks and tracking on two more to do and then we're done. It will be $10 and I'll take checks, cash, money orders, Paypal, sexual favors, or your firstborn. Just kidding about those last two. KINDA.

Okay that's it.

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hey there wheat basket how you doing you fat fucking piece of shit, I hate your guts more than anything in the world and I can’t sing and there’s no reason to be upset like that. fuck her, seriously, I mean it. because I can’t stand feeling like this anymore. and it’s a horrible situation when you can’t understand the way that people act and it’s not okay. but all will be over tomorrow when the sun rises because all worldly truth can be found in the light of the sun. it’s the way things roll and sometimes I feel like I’ve found the secret of life in the morning light. all violence turns to love. all freedom breeds jealousy and maybe jealousy isn’t the worst thing in the world anyway. I mean it’s pointless, of course. but maybe it’s not SO pointless that nobody understands why it’s there. everything happens for a reason. everything happens for a reason. everything happens for a reason. and I’m not so sure anymore that bad things happen as an example of what not to do. I think they exist for examples of what you can do.

I don’t believe in God anymore and sometimes that makes me so happy to say and sometimes it scares me to the deepest core of my soul. Because without God man is nothing, which is the worst feeling. But maybe I’m starting to believe that it’s actually the best feeling ever. To be empty means that you are completely lost and the only thing you have left is you. When you are all there is, you have nothing but you to rely on and you can finally start pulling yourself back up the hill to realize that God was waiting for you all the time. He was never gone. And he’ll never be gone. But why is emptiness so valid anyway. It is depressing. But there’s a joy in being sad like that. There is a JOY in BEING SAD and there is no explanation for it. There is also a joy in being joyous too. Even if you have to cheat to get it, you still found a way to get it. Drugs or love or sex or religion or even discipline; you still cheated somehow to get there. You did it the easiest way you can do it because that is how people roll. They’re supposed to. They’re suppose to do things the easy way because what is the point of doing anything the hard way when you can have it laid all out for you? Calculated magic is something I used to be so terrified of but there’s no reason for that either. Everything I’ve ever had a reason for has gone away, or the reason has died anyway. Reasons die because the universal truth is only true as long as we believe it. But it’s a living being just like you and me and it changes just like you and me and we are powerless to stop it in its tracks.

She will thank you later for it whether she admits it or not. I am so jealous of you and Kelly sometimes, Dave Bucknor. You guys need each other like I’ve never known any other person to be attached someone else. And that makes me jealous sometimes because while I’m enjoying being single, I’m also enjoying your joy through you. I know, it’s cheating, but I just talked about cheating just a second ago and nobody is going to disagree with me at that point.

I’m sorry you’re feeling sad about being sad. And I could answer your problems if you’d give me what I want. Or maybe I’d just use you like everyone else wants to because you act like you want to be used.

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Well I've had a bunch of shit happen lately. Here are some details:

- I had an interesting time as a date to my friend Lisa's AST formal
- Hat trick weekend
- I bought a planner and I've been writing in it like a fiend. Anybody who has a birthday I should remember, let me know.
- I am so goddamn ready for this semester to be over.
- Thanksgiving break fucking ruled because I got to hang out with all of my best friends except Rich. And I got to smoke myself stupid.
- I switched my shitty browser to Firefox after finally getting rid of that dickface popup thing
- I also started using Thunderbird for email. Not that either of these things matter to anybody else, but I write in this for me so whatever
- I've been amazed with the glimpses I have gotten into the meaning of life lately. There is no reason to ever judge or hurt anybody, because the truth is you don't know their story.
- Dave and I have been recording songs like crazy!!

OK I suppose that's it.

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