Valentines Gifts
A talking dog from Angie
A mini Doggie Bag? (those Chinese take-out carton boxes) from Kendra
A jumbo Doggie Bag? from Varsha
Chocolates from Phuong

Birthday Gifts
An orange and a fluffly pen from Sunny
A mechanical pencil from Brandon
A pen from Jay
A note, a grow-your-own-pinata-thing, and a rubber pencil from Eunice

I feel so loved =)

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It's unfortunate that I always find the time to go on the Internet and stuff. I mean for me of course. I could be using this time right now to study, get ahead, work...bleh. I'm thinking maybe I should just talk to my friends more often, then I wouldn't have to rely so much on social websites to communicate with them. And when I say talk, I mean TALK. No instant messaging. Just a long, fulfilling phone conversation.

SO! Valentine's Day...and a week later it will be my birthday. Yayyy. There's nothing much that I like really want. An Ipod would be nice ^__^. But nobody's going to be gettin' me any of those and I'm not going to ask my parents because they've got more important matters to worry about. It's just a material want. Some necessities and other things would be nice to get: a bike light, a memory card for the digital camera, batteries, the version of the bible that my church uses, a good spongy mop from Swiffer or something, a good vaccuum like Dyson (yes I'm serious), and the Spongebob Squarepants Movie...yeah that'll be really nice... em...maybe...hmm....wanted CDs and music would be really nice....ehm....hmm....yeah electronics basically hahaha. Weird choices for birthday gifts I know. But read here: do not feel obligated to get these things! Especially the vaccuum! =D

I hate it when I fantasize about certain guys. When I'm in the moment of imagining this and imagining that, it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. You know that feeling right? But then reality hits me and I scold myself and think, "NO! Stop it! You're not going anywhere with this!" GAH it's frustrating because it totally gets all my hopes up when really it's just useless. Doy....it's going to be some Valentine's Day. Eh I really couldn't care less. Until I one day meet my special someone! ^o^

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I definitely know my real laughs from my sort-of-fake laughs. Every once in a while I probably have one real laugh to every 40 sort-of-fake laughs. And sort-of-fake means something was funny but not that funny. I guess everybody has those. But god why I do relate to everybody in the first place? It's to save my own skin from criticism I guess...

My real laugh came from today's swim practice. So the coach (this big asian guy with the worst attitude in the world) made all of us swimmers get out of the pool and sit on some nearby bleachers as punishment for not doing sets correctly. We were cold, dripping, WET, and freezing and the wind and rain did not make our situation any better. But the coach let all of us back in except these two cheerleaders. He then made both of them spell the same word which I don't know but I'm guessing starts with S-P or something. (just to test their stupidity I suppose) and then they both started spelling only to find out that they've spelled it completely differently. Like one was like "S...P..." and the other was like "S....B...." and it was totally syncronized! The coach became furious and I burst out laughing because...haha it was hilarious.

"It was raining one day and the coach coincidentally told us to do backstroke." -Prachi XD

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"Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane, Live at the Hard Rock Cafe in Orlando

http://youtube.com/watch?v=CI1GwouO7Hs

I love Keane. Amazing band. I have to say this song sounds better live (most songs don't) and it just gave me the shivers. Even though it's old off their first album it's a really great song. Wow...I'm truly amazed.

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Do you think I get misunderstood a lot? I've got lots of examples.

In English Class

Luna: "Hey Lucy can we play cards with you guys?"
Me: (hehehe i honestly didn't want her to play but i didn't tell her that of course)
"Um...we're playing Egyptian Slapjack."
Luna: "Egyptian.....War?"
Me: "No....."
Luna: [laughs a little] "Ok never mind."

In History-We played this trivia dart game to review for a test on Imperialism. On the powerpoint said the definition of "spheres of influence." The first group to raise their hand gets to answer first. Amanda was our official hand raiser.

[whispering]
Me: "It's spheres of influence!"
Tiffany: "Unequal trading!"
Me: "Spheres of influence!"
[Amanda raises her hand and gets called on]
Amanda: "Unequal trading!"
Mr. Scholl: "No wrong answer!"
[later...]
Mr. Scholl: "The answer is....spheres of influence!"
Amanda: "You were right!"
[me rolling my eyes....]

Talking with friends (Two occasions)

at school

Me: "Can I ask you guys something? I don't see what's so bad about human cloning."
Angie: "Stem cell research?"
Me: "No.....human cloning."

at the park

Angie: "If you could make a statue out of anything, what would it be?"
Me: "Water."
Angie: "That's ice."
Me: "No.....I meant water."
Angie: "OH! Right! That's so cool!"

at home

[weeks ago]
Me: "Mommy, I think I'm going to study on my own for the SAT Chem Test."
Mom: "OK."
[weeks later]
Mom: "I found you a teacher to help you prepare for the SAT Chem."
Me: "What?! Didn't I tell you I was going to study by myself?"
Mom: "Even if you did and knew the material as clear as you could, you could only score 700 max."
Me: "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"

How many times do I have to explain myself? "If you need to explain something then you probably shouldn't have said it." That's a quote I read from Readers Digest. It's not entirely correct but it does make a little bit of sense. Wow...I mean sure these are small situations and very insignificant. But seriously can't people get it right the FIRST time? Oh well...

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Don't you just hate how other people ruin things for you? How they just deplete you of your happiness when you didn't even commit one damn crime against them? (ok new rule for me...its ok for me to cuss only when i'm mad...yeah its horrible i know but seriously...its too tempting)

My parents....arrrggggg....im seriously losing trust in them as each day passes by. Both of them really. I lost trust in my dad a long time ago, but now my trust in my mom is disintegrating little by little. I know some of you have good parents which I acknowledge and am happy for. And I know good parents exist. My parents I mean...they're basically good people i guess. My mom and dad abide by the laws. They generally think best for their children which is me and my sister. They work to give us a roof over our heads and food on the table. They never lie or cheat. But when you look at them as human beings...it catches up with them. My dad is just messed up inside...and my mom well she is actually one selfish little woman. Well actually I think they're both pretty messed up inside, you know, they've got their emotional baggage i could imagine. They're both actually incredibly narrow minded and extremely pessimistic. My dad is sick, my mom just has no compassion....catch them in their bad moods and you'd really be surprised. They're just not emotionally there. Maybe I'm blowing this thing out of proportion or maybe it's because they're asian. I myself am thinking this over...but live with them for at least a year as their own child and you'll know how much hurt there is.

I find myself hating my father and pitying my mother. I find myself wanting ideal parents. And it's so inhumane of me to think such thoughts. Am I such a cruel person for thinking these thoughts? I really am actually...but I can't help it.

Man that's why I want to get away from this town, this place. I want to be my own person, make my own money, map out my own life, do what i want for myself, etc. I want to be able to go to church whenever I want to. I want to be able to talk with someone and not be judged or told that I couldn't do it because of this and this. I want to feel again. Feel emotions and have memories again. Be strong...that's what i want to be more than anything in this world. I just want to be strong.

I can't wait to graduate high school and get certain things over with. I just want to break free of all these chains. It starts with me first. After I fix me, then i'm off to do fix my other problems...

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