have been pissy about many things lately..

why is she so carefree and able to laugh?

why is it so hard to find a job?

why is my major useless?

why is he not doing what he promised?

why am i always self doubting?

why am i always making mistakes?

why am i why-ing instead of doing?

why can't i relax n enjoy the free time before slaving muaself away?

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heart breaks...

tears drop...

throat with a lump...

mind blown...

chest aches...

limbs numb...

soul dried...

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it's been one week since i moved to the land of blues...

some days were spent with drama series and movies in mua room all day...

soak up mua mind with manga adapted drama series... caused mua to fantasize and to have blood shot eyes...

some days were bit more productive with shopping and familiarizing with the neighborhood...

we attempted to explore the korean market but ended up in a spanish market instead...

we determined directions with a compass and the people...

i learned that moving into a new place without a job is silly...

i learned that city environment is not good for mua BEAUTIFUL face... i have more unnecessary pimples now...

i discovered that i'm a fan of minimalism... i'm vain... i have huge potential of being crazy...

last of all... i don't want to work yet!!

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time is running short...

2 days to graduation...

4 days till driving test...

1 more week till internship ends...

it'll be 2 more weeks before i move to IL...

another month before i start work officially...

mind is fogged...

what do i want to be my career?

what do i want for myself?

a family?

help the world?

go back home?

get a new guy??? AHHAHAHAHHAHA.....

i'm going crazy...

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i feel like i'm falling into the black hole again...

isn't there any light that can break through this darkness?

i once thought things will stay the same somehow...

but a short separation opened my eyes...

friends said i need to embrace changes...

at this point, i ask myself again the questions...

who am i?

what do i want in my life?

and that marks the falling...

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emotions are so contagious... a friend is down and talked to my roomie... listening to her makes me feel helpless too... and it makes me think of my own situation.. maybe i am like that too.. or am i making myself miserable? it's a circle... getting sucked into the darkness more and more.. swimming towards shore seems like an impossible plan.. but we humans have to strive on it... that's what life throws to us.. so much went through my head... it couldn't stop... the negatives spread throughout my brain... contaminating all my thoughts... it's my turn to be sucked into that dark pool... i need a float...

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