I feel a bit detached from reality. I think this started after deciding to let my daughter go as well. I feel like a lost little girl. I am very fortunate to have the support group I have. I didn't have any just a couple months ago. Not really. Now I have people who care and are a phone call away. Something I never have during hard times.

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The meeting went well. I made us all cry with my hand made card asking them to be my kids family. This is so scary and sad yet so full of promise and hope.

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I'm meeting the adoptive family today for lunch. They don't know I chose them yet. I hope we all don't cry lol

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My healthmonth goal is to write in my journal every day. Soooooo... I finished a short story yesterday and it's kinda lame. I also am feeling even better about my daughter being adopted but I'm still gonna keep going to counseling. I'm on skype with my bff and he's folding clothes. Such a great housewife lol.

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I am in deep deep emotional pain from this whole adoption thing but I am excited to see my kids have a great life and adventures. The family I am interested in is fun and loving. I kinda wanna do a youtube video about my experience but I'm shy and I'll end up crying on camera lol

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I decided to let my one year old be adopted by the family who will adopt my newborn son. I feel that my kids need a better start, opportunities that I cannot provide. My heart aches and aches endlessly and it hurts so bad but I know this is what is best for them. Neither father cares except that one of them says he wants to raise his son yet asks nothing and even declined to see him. He says he didn't want to see me. Oh please.... He didn't have that issue when I was pregnant with his child. He even tried to get me to give him a sexual favor that one time I saw him last year right before xmas. And when he dropped my daughter off that last time (her car seat was badly installed and she was choking!!!!, so I stopped her going with them,) he ignored me AND my 7 month baby bump that he agreed to help create in the beginning. UGH. No.

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