Winter break is coming . . .
I can't wait, I'll finally be able to relieve some stress. Way too much is going on at school. I want more time for myself. I need to think about what's going on.
I'm worried, my grades are slipping . . . and finals are coming up so soon. Plus there's all this other stuff going through my mind that needs sorting out. It's just becoming too much to handle.
But tonight I went to the movies, one of my favorite forms of
escapeism. (I remembered that we discussed this in English).
It's funny how my English teacher's lectures really get to me. I think she's the only teacher I really try to listen to because she has interesting things to say. Sometimes it feels like she knows what's going on in my life.
The movie I watched was
Ocean's 12. I was kind of lost in the beginning, because I didn't see the first one, so I didn't understand the first couple of minutes. Eventually, I got in to the movie, although there were times where I didn't get what was going on. But overall it was a good movie. I liked how it made fun of kabala(sp?) and hollywood. The best part was when Bruce Willis showed up and really surprised Julia, it seemed like she was genuinely freaked out.
I seriously need this upcoming break.
Hoping everything gets better.
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After certain events have transpired, I arrived at a realization. I realize that maybe people don't know me as well as they think they do or vice versa. Honestly, do you even know me at all? (My kitty tells me that over 3,000 people have seen my blog, creepy...)
As much as I love and care about all my friends, I can never feel close to them. Maybe it's me or maybe it's them, who knows? It could be both of us, maybe we put up this barrier to stop people from getting to know who we really are because they might not like what they see. I was so paranoid before, I always believed that I'd never feel like I fit in, that people were only nice to me and tried to befriend me because they felt sorry for me or that they wanted something from me. That was the way I felt 1st - 8th grade.
And still, I can never feel comfortable around others, because I know the person is judging me by what I say and do. People judge others without really trying understand where someone else is coming from, they only believe what they want to believe. I admit, sometimes I'm quick to judge others, but everyday, I'm always surprised by how much my opinion changes of someone. The more you get get to know someone, the more the barrier comes down, the more you see people for who they really are - or who
you think they are. But, you can know someone for a week, a month, a year - but you'll never know everything about them.Why? Maybe it's because even after you know someone well enough, pieces of the barrier still remain. That's when it gets hard to understand people.
I guess I'm one of those people who never really let's their barrier down. I don't know why, sometimes it seems like I just push people way with my sarcasm - when I don't mean to. I try to get close to people but then I get afraid when I find something I don't like. I'm dealing with it though, I can't expect everyone to be perfect.
Well, I don't know what exactly I'm trying to get at, maybe that I wish I could understand why people are the way they are.
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I'm gunna post abuncha song lyrics . . . cuz I can................
"Truth Doesn't Make A Noise"
My baby's got a heart of stone
Can't you people just leave her alone
She never did nothing to hurt you
So just leave her alone
The motion of her tiny hands
And the quiver of her bones below
Are the signs of a girl alone
And tell you everything
You need to know
I can't explain it
I feel it often
Everytime I see her face
But the way you treat her
Fills me with rage and I
Want to tear apart the place
You try to tell her what to do
And all she does is stare at you
Her stare is louder than your voice
Because truth doesn't make a noise
"Apple Blossom"
Hey little apple blossom
What seems to be the problem
All the ones you tell your troubles to
They don't really care for you
Come and tell me what you're thinking
Cause just when the boat is sinking
A little light is blinking
And I will come and rescue you
Lots of girls walk around in tears
But that's not for you
You've been looking all around for years
For someone to tell your troubles to
Come and sit with me and talk awhile
Let me see your pretty little smile
Put your troubles in a little pile
And I will sort them out for you
I'll fall in love with you
I think I'll marry you
~The White Stripes
"Hands Down"
Breathe in for luck,
Breathe in so deep,
This air is blessed,
You share with me.
This night is wild,
So calm and dull,
These hearts they race,
From self control.
Your legs are smooth,
As they graze mine,
We're doing fine,
We're doing nothing at all.
My hopes are so high,
That your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
So I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
To break or bury,
Or wear as jewelery,
Which ever you prefer.
The words are hushed lets not get busted;
Just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe in here from all the stupid questions.
"Hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...
So we can get some.
My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
To break or bury, or wear as jewelery,
Which ever you prefer.
Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
The dim of the soft lights,
The scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
And the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
And this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet
And the gate was locked so I jumped it,
And I let you in.
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
And you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew that you meant it,
That you meant it,
That you meant it,
And I knew,
That you meant it,
That you meant it.
"Saints And Sailors"
This is where I say I've had enough
And no one should ever feel the way that I feel now.
A walking open wound, a trophy display of bruises
And I don't believe that I'm getting any better.
Any better.
Waiting here with hopes the phone will ring
And I'm thinking awful things
I'm pretty sure that few would notice.
And this apartment is starving for an argument.
Anything at all to break the silence.
Wandering this house like I've never wanted out
And this is about as social as I get now.
And I'm throwing away the letters that I am writing you
Cause they would never do, I would never do.
Never
Waiting here with hopes the phone will ring
And I'm thinking awful things
I'm pretty sure that few would notice.
And this apartment is starving for an argument.
Anything at all to break the silence.
But don't be a liar
Don't say that "everything's working" when everything's broken.
And you smile like a saint but you curse like a sailor
And your eyes say the jokes on me.
But, I’m not laughing
You’re not leaving
Who do I think I am kidding?
When I’m the only one locked in this hell
Waiting here with hopes the phone will ring
And I'm thinking awful things
I'm pretty sure that few would notice.
And this apartment is starving for an argument.
Anything at all to break the silence.
So don't be a liar
Don't say that "everything's working" when everything's broken.
And you smile like a saint but you curse like a sailor
And your eyes say the jokes on me.
~Dashboard Confessional
"Michelle"
Michelle, ma belle
These are words that go together well
My Michelle
Michelle, ma belle
Sont les mots qui vont tres bien ensemble
Tres bien ensemble
I love you, I love you, I love you
That's all I want to say
Until I find a way
I will say the only words I know that
You'll understand
Michelle, ma belle
Sont les mots qui vont tres bien ensemble
Tres bien ensemble
I need to, I need to, I need to
I need to make you see
Oh, what you mean to me
Until I do I'm hoping you will
Know what I mean
I love you
I want you, I want you, I want you
I think you know by now
I'll get to you somehow
Until I do I'm telling you so
You'll understand
Michelle, ma belle
Sont les mots qui vont tres bien ensemble
Tres bien ensemble
I will say the only words I know
That you'll understand, my Michelle
~The Beatles
"I Know But I Don't Know"
Hey, y'know?
Uh, I dunno!
I know but I don't know
I know but I don't know
I know but I don't know
I know but I don't know
I give but I don't get
I will but I won't yet
I lose but I don't bet
I'm your dog but not your pet
I know but I don't care
Then I know but I don't see
Now I see but I don't know
I care but I don't care
I could but I won't be
You can but not with me
It's all a mystery
Locked out without a key
Now I care but I don't care
And I know but I don't see
Now I see but I don't know
I know but I don't know
Now I know that you don't know
And I see that you don't see
I care but I don't care
I don't care that you don't know
~Blondie
There are more songs I wanna post, but I gotta save something for later, right?
Well, I guess that's it for now.
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