Everyone seems so depressed or moody lately. Yeah, that includes me. I don't know what it is. I guess I should just be kept busy so that I don't think much about it. But I feel so guilty for my friends and the ppl I know that are going through that "emotional stage" right now too. I want to help, I honestly do. So I don't know what holding me back. I guess I've learned that maybe I should take care of myself first, because I wouldn't be helping anyone if I didn't. Everything happens for a reason, I guess I just gotta see where it leads me.


I always feel like I have to choose between two things I really don't wanna choose between. No one's making me choose. But thats how life works. I don't want to choose....I want both! Yet, I can't have both and I know that. It hurts a little. Letting go of one thing, just makes the other better. If I don't let go, would things get better or would they stay the same? Maybe, subconscienly, I want to choose, I just don't know. EeEeGH! I HATE IT WHEN I HAVE TO CHOOSE! What's even sadder, is that I did choose and I made a decision without even having to think twice about it. Is that bad?


Sometimes, words just don't explain it.
Sometimes, words aren't even necessary.
Sometimes, there just aren't words.

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Its been different lately. Its mostly my fault. It's because everytime I see you...I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I'm disappointed. Maybe not in you, but definitely in me. How DARE I expect my friend to be there! Why did I think that [blank] would be there? Why? The higher the expectations the greater the disappoinment. But once and agn, I failed to keep that in mind. I was selfish in thinking that you didn't have other things to do...MORE IMPORTANT things. I know you do, alot of important things. I understand. I just forgot I guess. I take that back. I don't understand. I know for a fact you have more important things and alot of them. But like I said, I'm disappointed in myself. Why didn't I understand that you couldn't find time? Maybe I'm too self-absorbed. Yes, thats it, I'm self-absorbed. I should smack myself! I'm soo selfish. *sigh* To be honest, I still don't understand. Don't get me wrong, I try to understand to the best of my ability. It just won't get through. YOU ARE TRYING. I should tell myself that. It gives me comfort and lets me know you are a true friend. But then agn, I don't want to expect things. The truth...I'm upset. Not angry, not mad, just upset and disappointed. If I expect you to be there and find time, its only because I see you as a true friend. To be truthful, I don't want to expect you to be there, only because I don't want to be let down. I don't want to not expect you to be there because I don't see you as a friend or anything. Lately, its just I'm tired of the disappoinment I cause myself from my expectations. It's really an issue I have within myself...I'm sorry you got stuck in the middle of it. I know in the end, we'll come out as friends, because that's how we've always been. I'm not starting a fight with you, I have no intentions of losing your friendship. Im just letting you know the truth I've held within myself. I love you and I will always be here for you in the end.

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[ SERIES 1:: YOU ]



Name: Rizelle
Birthday : Sept. 14, 1986
Birthplace : US of A
Location : CALI
Eye Color : dark brown
Hair Color : Black
Righty or Lefty : right
Zodiac Sign : Virgo
Innie or Outtie : innie


[ SERIES 2:: YOUR FAVORITE ]


Music : anything good
Cartoon : UmMmM them cartoons when I was growin up...like x-men, salior moon, rockos modern life, ect.
Color : red and black
Flower: roses
Perfume or Cologne : uMmM girls perfume, guys cologne
Slushy Flavor : UmMmMm I'm azn dude I want some Honey Dew
Language : english
Spice Girl : Geri: Ginger Spice
Food/beverage : alotted....banana cream pie! OoOoOoh
Ice Cream Flavor: rocky road
Font : i dunno


[ SERIES 3:: WHAT IS... ]


Your most overused phrase on aol : lol and hahahaha
The first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning : Who the heavens is calling me this early?
The last image/thought you go to sleep with : I dunno I go through the events of my day
The first feature you notice in the opposite sex : hair? I dunno Height? I dunno
The Best Name for a Butler : Alfred or Jeffrey
The wussiest sport : dunno
Your best feature : dunno
Your bedtime : UmMmM yeah I dunno when I feel like sleeping
Your greatest fear : greatest fear? never being in love or loved in return
Your greatest accomplishment : being able to help others keep their friendship
Your most missed memory: UmMmMm...being a child


[ SERIES 4:: YOU PREFER... ]


Pepsi or coke : coke
McDonald's or Burger King : Mc Ds!
Single or group dates : depends who I'm on a date with
Adidas or nike : dunno
Chicken nuggets or chicken fingers : chicken fingers
Dogs or cats : dogs
Single or taken : which do I prefer? UmMm can I say the single but taken? LoL
Monica or Brandy : Monica
Tupac or Jay...Z : UuUuUh probably Jay Z just cuz I havent listend to much of Tupacs songs
Shania Twain or LeAnn Rhymes : uuuuh dunno who cares
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea : Nestea
One pillow or two : UmMm 3 Two as a head rest pillow and one as a body pillow
Chocolate or vanilla : UmMmm chocolate
Hot chocolate or hot cocoa : hot cocoa..whats the difference?
Cappuccino or coffee : cappuccino
Boxers or briefs : boxers


[ SERIES 5:: DO YOU...]


Take a shower everyday? : yeuh
Have a(any) crush(es)? : no...not really. WAIT....I don't think he counts LoL
Want to go to college? : yeah
Like high school? : mostly
Want to get married : yesh pls
Type with your fingers on the right keys? : yup....well most of the time sometimes when Im on the phone no
Believe in yourself? : eeeh not really?
Have any tattoos/where? : nope
Have any piercings/where? : my ears
Get motion sickness?: occassionally
Think you're a health freak? : no
Get along with your parents? : on the most part
Like thunderstorms? : UmMmm not really they're whatever


[ SERIES 6:: THE FUTURE ]


Age you hope to be married : 23-25
Numbers and Names of Children: at least 3 no more than 6. Names..UmMm I'll get back to u on that
Where do you see yourself at age 20? : college
Describe your Dream Wedding : I dunno. A nice pretty wedding with all the ppl I love and care about attending
How do you want to die? : UmMmM in love and happy. In my sleep
What do you want to be when you grow up? : uMmM yeah I still got my dreams..but its called a dream for a reason. realistically i wanna be a pyschologist
What country would you most like to visit? : P.I. I miss everyone! *tear tear*


[ SERIES 7:: OPPOSITE SEX ]


Best eye color? : ummm depends on the person
Best hair color? : depends on the person
Short or long hair? : i dunno...as long as it aint longer than mine..cuz then..OoOoh HELL NAW
Best height? : as long as they aint shorter than me
Best weight? : pft...i dunno I dont be weighin guys
Best articles of clothing? : depnds on their physic lol
Best first date location? : UmMm the park? the beach? I dunno somewhere where you actually get to know ur date
Your ideal gf/bf? : I'll get back to you on that...when I figure it out


[ SERIES 8:: OTHER ]


When's the last time you slept with a stuffed animal? : last night...I sleep with STITCH everynight. I can't sleep without him
How many rings until you answer the phone? : cell 1-2....home 2-3
What's on your mouse pad? : dont got one
How many houses have you lived in? : one apartment 4 houses
How many schools have you gone to? : *counting* 6
What color is your bedroom carpet? : greenish...well its suppose to be green
Would you shave your head for $5000 dollars? : how much is a wig?
If you were stranded on a desert island and you could only take three things with you what would you take? : internet that works (cuz then u can get anything), cell phone with reception, and a friend.
What was the best time of your life so far?: I dunno. Can't really compare all the happy times I've had.

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Jacked from Matess

WRATH


1.Who did you last get angry with? don't remember...maybe parentals
2. What is your weapon of choice? Violence doesn't solve anything. Make love not war...condoms are cheaper than guns
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? HAHAHA YEAH!
4. How about of the same sex? yeah
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? dunno...probably parentals
6. What is your pet peeve? "I have something important to tell you. Oh but I can't tell you...nevermind" GeRrRrR
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? Sometimes...I forgive but don't forget

SLOTH

1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? Read the Bible..wait I read it today...sorta
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? 1 PM? No probably like just 12 PM
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: alotta ppl! for one my cousin
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? I'm lazy
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones...)? I don't think so
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in? yeah don't even remember... Probably two weeks ago
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? don't have an alarm clock

GLUTTONY

1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? dunno
2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat? White???
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting? don't drink
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? nope
5. Do you have an issue with your weight? yeah I guess..but not really
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? as long as its yummilicious
7. Have you ever looked at a small housepet or child and thought, "LUNCH"? nOoOope

LUST

1. How many people have you seen naked? dunno..none
2. How many people have seen YOU naked? lets see there's my mommy and my daddy and all them other ppl that changed my diapers when I was lil
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? hahahahaha not that i recall
4. Have you had sex? Nope
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of the opposite gender? ABS....oOoOoH..and arms...OoOoh...Abs.....OoOoOh
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? hahaha nope
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? hahahaha hell naw...never needed to

GREED

1. How many credit cards do you own? nope
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? UuUuUhHhHh....Charloute russe
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? pay for my debut! and then shop
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? rich
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? for awhile..save a whole lotta money..and then quit and then get a more exciting job
6. Have you ever stolen anything? hahahaha yeah
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? alot?

PRIDE

1. What's one thing you have done that you're most proud of? dunno
2. What's one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of? dunno
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? have a family and a happy marriage...happy family
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? nope...not really
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? hahaha yeah I'm seriously still trippin over that deng 8th grade science final
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? I........did not sleep the whole day. YEAH! WHAT IT IS!?!?!?!

ENVY

1. What item of your friends would you most want to have for your own? HAHAHA What I want I take. LMAO No JP! Only when it comes to Angela, Stephy, and Daniellez...and usually its just lip gloss
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" [the TV show where they like makeover your room]? I dunno
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? UuUuMm....yeah no I like being me thank u...I've gotten use to it
4. Have you ever been cheated on? noo...not that i know of
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? yeah!
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? UuUuMmMmM...that I wasn't so shy...that I could open up more to ppl



1. YOUR HOROSCOPE/zodiac sign:==> Virgo...oh yesh the virgin
2. SiNGLE OR TAKEN? ==> single
3. iF TAKEN, BY WHO ==> …………………….
4. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SERiOUSLY HURT BY THE PERSON YOU LOVE/D? ==> yeah I think everyon's been hurt by someone we love
5. WHAT WOULD BE YOUR REASON iF YOU TURNED SuiCiDal ==> expectations and heartache from family and friends
6. iS SUiCiDE REALLY KiLLiNG YOURSELF==> what other definition is there for suicide?
7. PREFER COUNTRY OR CLASSiC? ==> classic or country..i dunno both ok
8. PREFER CUTE/iDiOT OR SMART/UGLY? ==> smart and ugly...just as long as they aren't genius smart...yeah those guys are intimidating
9. ARE YOU iN A STABLE RELATiONSHiP WiTH YOUR BF/GF/CRUSH? ==> What defines a stable relationship? What makes you think I have a relationship with a crush at all...What makes you think I got a crush huh huh huh???? JP...lol I don't got a crush so yeah homie
10. YOU`D EXPECT A TEXT MESSAGE USUALLY FROM: ==> Joana?
11. HAVE A BEST FRiEND THAT iS iN THE OPPOSiTE GENDER? WHO? ==> yeah...Batrick and Jonathan
12. WHAT DO YOU LiKE DOiNG WHEN YOU`RE DEPRESSED? ==> crying! Chocolate...crying...eating..crying...chocolate...crying...and going to Starbucks with Stephy
13. CHEERFUL OR BORiNG? ==> Whats exactly is the question?
14. DESCRiBE A PERFECT DATE.==>Just being being in the arms of the person you love. Wether it be in the movies...a restaurant....at home...doesn't matter...as long as you're with that one certain person...AwWwWwW
15. EVER WONDERED WHY NOBODY KNOWS WHY THE SKY iS BLUE? WHAT DO YOU THiNK? ==> Never thought why nobody knoes...just wonder why the sky is blue
16. EVER BEEN HURT BY LOVE? ==> sure...well more like...hurt myself through love...wait...hurt myself not being able to love...yeah I dunno..but u get it
17. WiLL YOU EVER MAKE THE SAME MiSTAKE AGAiN? ==> hahahaha yeah! unfortunately...I have to make the same mistake twenty times in order for me to learn...(the river and lake of coke Daniellez!)
18. EVER HATED ANYONE LiKE HELL? ==> not like hell
19. DO YOU DO ANYTHiNG WHEN A PERSON BREAKS UP WiTH YOU AFTER ONE DAY?==> what the hell? thats sad
20. GiVE ONE WORD WiTH MORE THAN 2 SYLLABLES THAT BEST DESCRiBES WHAT YOU`RE FEELiNG NOW. ==> bored-ed-ed
21. DO YOU BELiEVE iN YOURSELF? ==>sometimes...only when I wanna prove someone wrong
22. EVER PHYSiCALLY HURT YOURSELF? ==> haHahaha yeah see I walked into this door once...or ok...twice...and then the other time I accidentally hit the wall..ok well u get it
23. EVER VERBALLY HURT YOURSELF? ==> yeah I go..stupid me..stupid stupid stupid stupid...lol jp
24. MOTTO iN LiFE ==>Everything happens for a reason...wether we know it or not/Never forget anything that happens in life...even if it hurts you...be grateful and learn..but never forget
HAVE YOU EVER DOUBTED THAT SOMETiMES? ==> not really...wait yeah once
26. HAVE YOU EVER HAD *EXTRA* FEELiNGS ABOUT A BEST FRiEND FROM THE OPPOSiTE GENDER? ==> nope...oh well Jonathan..but that was b4 we became bestfriends...so that doesn't really count
27. iF YES, WHAT DiD YOU DO ABOUT iT? iF NO, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? ==> UmMmM I would...be a pussy....lol UmMmM I guess it would depend how the other person felt..I dunno
28. are FAME & MONEY THE MOST iMPORTANT THiNGS iN YOUR LiFE? ==> HEll naw... God, family and friends...the ppl i love...AwWwW I love them soo mucho...i dunno what Id so without them
29. DO YOU MAKE ANY MOVEMENTS OR SOUNDS WHEN YOU`RE SLEEPiNG? ==> I move a hecka lot! and I talk in my sleep sometimes...LoL
30. ARE YOU DiFFiCULT TO WAKE UP?==> sometimes
31. HOW OFTEN DO YOU SLEEP? ==> everyday
32. ARE YOU Convenient WiTH THAT? ==> yeah fo sho...u knoe sometimes it be gettin annoyin when ppl be callin u when u tryna sleep n all..but its all good
33. LAST, HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT YOU WERE PERFECT? ==>LMAO....thats hilarious...me perfect? Can you say...oxymoron?!?!??!

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I love love love my friends. I have the greatest friends ever. I could never live without them. They're always there to make me laugh, to dry my tears, or to talk to. I wonder how I ever came to deserve such wonderful friends. They spoil me like crazy even though they don't realize it. Several people have told me "I wish I had friends like yours." And I thank God everyday for the gifts he has given me. So if any of my friends are reading this THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING, I LOVE YOU GUYS WITH ALL MY HEART.

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There was once this guy who is very much in love with his girl... This ROMANTIC GUY folded 1,000 pieces of paper cranes as a gift to his girl... Although, at that time he was just a small fry in his company, his future doesn't seemed too bright, they were very happy together.. Until one day, his girl told him she was going to Paris and will never come back. She also told him that she couldn't visualize any future for the both of them, so they went their own ways there and then... Heartbroken, the guy agreed. But when he regains his confidence, he worked hard day and night, slogging his body and mind just to make something out of him.... Finally with all these hard work and the help of friends, this guy had set up his own company! You never fail until you stop trying. One rainy day, while this guy was driving, he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella the rain walking to some destination. Even with the umbrella, they were still drenched. It didn't take him long to realize those were his girl's parents... With a heart in getting back at them, he drove slowly beside the couple, wanting them to spot him in his luxury sedan... He wanted them to know that he wasn't the same anymore; he had his own company, car, condo, etc. He made it! Before the guy can realize, the couple was walking towards a cemetery, and he got out of his car and followed... and he saw his girl, a photograph of her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her tombstone and he saw his paper cranes beside her... Her parents saw him. He asks them why had this happened. They explained, she did not leave for France at all... She was ill with cancer... She had believed that he will make it someday, but she did not want to be his obstacle!!... therefore she had chosen to leave him. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. She had wanted her parents to put his paper cranes beside her, because, if the day comes when fate brings him to her again... he can take some of those back with him.. Once you have loved, you will always love... For what's in your mind may escape but what's in your heart will remain forever... The guy just wept... The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them..... hope you would understand... Find time to realize that there is one person who means so much to you, for you might wake up one morning losing that person whom you thought meant nothing to you...

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