this plane has crashed
straight into your heart
i hope this hurts you
tears you apart
i left like i had won some prize
go home and swallow your lies

im on the phone with billy right now. its the first time in like a month? lol. i miss having a guy to be on the phone with..

your the biggest mistake ill ever make
just do what you came here to do
set me apart

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dont come home for christmas
your the last thing i wanna see
underneath the tree
this chrismas
merry chrismas
i could care less

tonight was a waste..
ian i hope you had a great time..

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..but it feels so gooooooood :-)

yeah the dance concert is tonight.. in like an hour and a half if you wanted to know. and im going. and ians going. so this makes me nervous, but in a good way. :-)

oh and btw it turns out erin lied. about everything. she even made up friends. i cant believe someone would stoop that low. and now i dont want to be friends with her anymore even if her mom says we can because i dont even know her. i know someone who she pretended to be, but not her. ugh god i hate this drama.

but anyway, ian :-) lol yes that makes me happy, even if its just saying his name. i really like him. but its awkward.. i remember the last time i really liked someone, and i also remember that not working out at all. i remember me being upset and feeling even more lonely than when i started out. im afraid of getting hurt, and im afraid of getting myself in too deep. i want something meaningful but i dont want to have to give myself away. im too tired of doing that and having nothing come out of it. i want to be with him, but i dont want too much and i dont want too little. i dont know what i want.. all i know is i have strong feelings for him and theyr confusing me right now. i cant wait to see him tonight :-)

ps-congradulations jess silverman. you know what i mean *wink*

love you all xoxo

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FUCK YOU ERIN.
FUCK YOU FOR NOT TELLING ME WE CANT BE FRIENDS ANYMORE.
FUCK YOU FOR NOT TELLING YOUR MOM THAT I WASNT INVOLVED WITH YOU 2 SNEAKING OUT.
FUCK YOU FOR NOT TELLING JORDAN THAT YOU GUYS CANT BE FRIENDS.
FUCK YOU FOR NOT TRYING TO CHANGE YOUR MOMS MIND ABOUT EITHER OF US.
FUCK YOU FOR NOT BLOCKING ME ON EVERY SCREEN NAME.
FUCK YOU FOR HANGING UP ON ME WHEN I DIDNT DO ANYTHING TO YOU.

ERIN MASKET YOU ARE DEAD TO ME. I FUCKING HATE YOU AND I DONT CARE IF YOU KNOW IT.

BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I WOULD HAVE TOLD MY MOM THE TRUTH AND AT LEAST ATTEMPTED TO CHANGE HER MIND. I WOULD HAVE TOLD HER THAT SHE WAS WRONG AND NEEDED TO LISTEN. I WOULD HAVE TOLD HER SCREAMING, FIGHTING, OR JUST TAKLING. JUST KNOW THAT I HATE YOU AND YOUR DEAD TO ME. JUST FUCKING KNOW THAT.

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heres what happened over the long weekend:

friday-went to towson mall with jordan. saw mitch b and one of his friends. then saw that gorgeous topless guy abercrombie&fitch model.. omg yumm.. bought 2 thongs. one says "i love" and then theres a space to write someones name and it comes with a marker. its black/white/pink. and i got the same one but its black/white/red and it says "i kissed". the blank part is for ian to fill in :-) annnnywayss.. then we bought hair dye, went back to jordans house, and died our hair. then erin came over. we all chilled, had fun with her camera phone lol. then i went home.

saturday-woke up insanely early to go to carlis house. wore my eskimo outfit lol. ill describe: red sweater with buttons along the neck that let it fold down; brown pleated corderoy abercrombie&fitch skirt; cream colored legg warmers that have red/blue argile designs on them; tan uggs rolled down. yeah i looked hott lol. we went to the festival of trees to see kat sing. diana and kristy were there. KAT SANG AMAZINGLY!!! omg i got chills everytime she sang. we made gingerbread houses lol spent like all my money on that. then we went on the merry go round, and then we shopped a little. then i went back to carlis house and becki b came over. we stayed in that night and just talked. it was fun. beckis a lot nicer than everyone said she is, she is SO NOT a bitch! ian had a lax game that night, sucks i couldnt go :-/ well he scored 4 goals!! go ian!! but his team still lost.. which is fine, he'll win some other time. anyways then we slept.

sunday-woke up early to go to towson mall to go shopping with carli and becki. we got bagels and then hit the mall. got her bm shoes and a skirt for her friday night service. then we went back to her house and daddy picked me up. we went out and talked about how they know about how i started it again. i told him i didnt know why i did it and i dont. we talked but he wouldnt tell me who told him. we came home, i played piano. then we went on a walk.

the ravens game is on right now and so far it looks like its going bad..

this week im looking forward to tuesday night at smms, the dance concert.. :-)

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HAPPY TURKEY DAY TO MY FELLOW FATASSES!!!!!!

ill be thinking of kat while im eating lol

might see kat tomorrow. on the phone with jordan the hott sexy hoe with a strap on penis. its a 12 incher, believe me, ive seen and experienced its joy in the shower with whipped cream and cat nip....

i like ian :-0 :-)



looooove you guys

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