What Finding Nemo Character are You?
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It has been a whole day, and my baby is a million miles away. I miss him so much. I hope he's having fun in Arizona. Truly, he needs to enjoy himself. I love you beb.

It's been a whole 10 months...can you believe it? So many people tell me that its an incredibly long period of time, but I don't know, perhaps, depending on how you look at it. Yes i'm still young, so 10 months is like a million years, but Idk, it just kinda flew by. Back to my point, I won't be seeing him for 13 days. This is going to be hard. Not Xmas nor New Year's. No one to hug or kiss this year. And it isn't even because I choose not to. Aye. I miss him.

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Song on Replay Santa Baby

Christmas Wish List

Something shiny and silver from Tiffany's & Co.
A Santa Hat
SNOW
A car
Shopping Spree in Vancouver
A Christmas Tree
Box tickets to Nutcracker Ballet // PNB //
New Underwear
Really Cute pajamas
...More to Come...

I'm excited! Christmas is almost here and I love being part of the Dance Team. We've been doing this adorable Secret Santa thing, for my part as the Santa I got my person the cutest little presents! It makes me happy to know she likes them.

Alone

I don't think I've felt this alone for the longest time. It's amazing when you realize how many people truly care about you and it turns out that there's barely one. Crazy enough, Christmas is in the air, and all I feel like doing is giving presents away. Maybe it's my subconscious feeling as though I have to buy people to care about me, maybe it isn't. The person who cares about me the most won't even be here to spend Christmas with me, nor to alleviate whatever bad might happen within the next week or two. My biggest fear? He won't come back. But does that matter? The future holds what it holds. It beckons, and there is nothing I can do but sit here and hope for the best. This week has been absolutely insufferable. It's a replay of my nightmares, a feeling of confusion, sadness, anger, fear. Confused about my identity. Sad about my choices, decisions, maybe even a bit regretful. I think my anger is partly fueled from the bitterness of my regret, but mainly at the fact of the imperfections that are seemingly surfacing all at once. Fear that I will find out something I don't want to, fear of myself. I tear myself apart. I fear the reality of my imperfections. And I refuse to share any part of my insecurities with anyone else. These burdens are my own to carry. It's Christmas! Be merry!

Tomorrow's events

Another great Secret Santa present
My present to Tim
Fashion Show
// I'm excited! //
Christmas Performance
// it's such an adorable dance //

Everyone's invited to Club Dakotas on Dec. 30th. Addy posted soon!

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Something I found on someone's page

P - You are very friendly and understanding
A - You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
M - Success comes easily to you.
E - You are a very exciting person
L - Love is something you deeply believe in.
A - You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.

V - You have a very good physical and looks.

>> that's hilarious. How much of that is true? haha. edit. more for later.

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My Chris nemo requested for an update: here goes.

Beverage of the day: Chai Latte
A creamy blend of tea, sweetness and spice inspired by the ancient recipes of India

She peeked out the window through the silhouetted silk, afraid of the world that lay out there. "Come with me," the voice of an angel sang. Her thin cotton dress felt the wind's fingers curl around the edges, playing with her skin, as she was persuaded to climb through the window.

With the first step outside the window, her dainty foot was pierced by a piece of glass, and she realized that the window had disappeared. All around, the sounds of wailing screams deafened her, and she could feel the shadow creeping up her feet, coiling itself in her hair, refusing to let go. A tear slipped from her beautiful brown eyes, searing her soft skin above her breast. Holding herself, she lay on the ground, waiting for the angel to save her.

The angel never came.

Feeling. Trapped
Needing. A break.

Song on Replay. The Hammer Holds

Weird. People have been acting weird all day. Gorgeous My FWoB was so adorable. He called me Gorgeous. I want you. My frog prince was even sillier. "I want you!"

I think it's be nice to pam day! Sometimes I just wish that my parents could understand that concept. The Asian Life. I know sometimes, I tend to make excuses for the imperfections of my life. Indefinitely, the family problems that frequent my life, I push the into the pile under being an Asian child. The fact is, the truth hurts. I understand that my parents care about me. I understand that unconditionally they will love me. But the hurt that they try to protect me from can never hurt as much as the pain they have laid on me.

A growing issue. Each day I find myself getting more and more impatient with the relationship I'm in. I can't quite put my finger on it. I would love to say my relationship with Tim is going great, but unfortunately, I feel as though we've hit the peak in the hill and it's downhill from here. I know he tries to believe that things are going great because he doesn't want to face it. I just feel trapped. But I'm not ready to let go. I want the happy days back. The silly fun days. The simple days. Enough of the drama.

Simplicity.

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Honestly, every morning I wake up and find myself caught between a rush of different emotions. Excited, that maybe today will be different from the rest of my life. Lost, because my thoughts cannot be distinguished. Hopeful, for a few rays of sunlight through the dreary clouds of Seattle. I wonder, what happened to that inner child that I will never remember?

Everyday, I plunge deeper into eccentricity. What am I running away from, hiding from? That child hiding in the secret garden, locked away, holds on to a fear. A fear that I cannot understand. This fear pushes me to reject pain, to reject the possibility of failure. Sometimes, the dreams of running through the rain on an endless road is haunting.

I am still waiting for the day. When I find that garden and its key, maybe the sun will shine, and the road will end.

......................................................::.::.::.::.::.::.........................................................

Feeling. Fettered
Needing. Freedom

Song on replay. Numb // Linkin Park

I want to redecorate my room. It has no element of Me-ism. I need a place of my own. Pink maybe. And white.

Describe me in two words.

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