In the spirit of my makeup exam (scheduled for 3:30pm), I am updating my journal and refusing to look over the exam questions (regardless of the fact that I have already done so several *hundred* times). I hate Bryce Weaver - down with Math 017, and the Math Department in general! DOWN WITH THEM!

Ahem.

Today is Friday. Friday means FRIDAY MEMOS:

To: My Liver
Re: The Crowbar Last Night

I am really sorry. Really, I am. I had no intention of putting you through what you went through last night; I honestly didn't anticipate those drinks completely skipping my digestive system and escaping to beat you in a back alley of my internal cavity. If there's anything I can do to help you (candy, cookies, large amounts of tea) I will oblige.


To: The Geriatrics of State College
Re: Staring at me/Hitting on me last night

Not comfortable with having dirty old men old enough to be my father staring lecherously at my chest while I am trying to grind on my best friend Michelle during "I Touch Myself." The only people who are allowed to do that are: a. Michelle, Emily or Dave b. cute bassist from the band and c. anyone who is going to buy me a drink. But none of you bought me a drink (except for that dad who wanted me to sleep with his son, or something), and so therefore you are not allowed to stare. Thank you.


To: Bryce Weaver
Re: Math 017

A'fuck you.


To: My Room
Re: Spinning Uncontrollably

WTF was up with that last night? I am pretty certain that Penn State didn't magically install a special kind of room spinning device (perhaps to help laundry dry faster?), so the fact that you went all scary on me last night only leads me to believe one thing: space aliens. They were trying to disorient me in order to abduct me and preform strange, alien experiments on my naked body. Or, you know, that was my boyfriend preforming strange, alien experiments on my naked body last night. Either way, it was exceptional.

And there you have it. This week's Friday Memos.

Now what? Huh. I got nothing for the time being. Break!
Jessica

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Michelle called me at 9:45pm last night.

Now, she was supposed to be out with her Mom and her Aunt in the great city of State College, perhaps sampling a grilled sticky or enjoying a ginormous martini at our TGI Friday's. I was resigned to not being able to go to Nickel Night (a weekly tradition - the Crowbar across the street combines the two greatest things for a college student: five cent well drinks and an 80s cover band named after synthetic cheese), so I was happily lounging on my boyfriend's bed, trying to find a show to watch. Instead, I got a phone call that simply stated: get dressed, we're going to Nickel Night. I sadly had to tell Michelle I couldn't, because I didn't have the $7 for cover (I had several quarters though, for drinks). We hung up. Two minutes later I called her back, told her to be ready in 20 minutes, and got dressed.

So we went to Nickel Night. Velveeta was excellent, per usual, but the experience was strange and surreal as it was the first time I'd gone to a bar without my boyfriend as protection. Needless to say, my friend Craig had several friends there, one of whom STOLE my drinks JUST AFTER I had brought them back at 11:55pm (the special ends at midnight); he did not apologize or make amends, but rather laughed and said, well... I thought that they were mine. REALLY?! Because he was drinking vodka and ginger ale - I was drinking diet coke and rum. Somehow I think that the colour of the drinks might have tipped the douchebag off. Grr.

So I went off in search of drinks, thinking incorrectly that the downstairs bar might still have the special going on: they didn't. So I'm standing downstairs, FUMING, when an older gentleman (perhaps in his late 40s, early 50s) drags me aside to where he's sitting with what APPEARED to be his son (I was really drunk, don't hold me to this) and asked me why I looked angry, when I was soooo pretty (this would be random drunk guy #7 telling me that I was soooo pretty. I hate that). I told him the tale of my stolen drinks, and the nice elderly chap went to the bar and bought me a GOOD $4.50 Diet and Rum, WITH A LIME! (Limes are very important at Nickel Night - without the lime, you can taste the gasoline-like alcohol in every swallow of the drink. Last night, the evil bartenders -because Crowbar bartenders tend to get GROUCHY on Nickel Night- REFUSED to give me limes, because they said they didn't have enough. FOUR FUCKING LIME SLICES. Not alot to ask, boys!) So then he informed me that he and his collegues were engaging in a contest to see who had the best tattoo, and asked me if I knew of anyone with a tattoo; I informed him that my best friend, Michelle, had a tattoo, and he requested that I go find her - but just then, by some strange law of the bars, Michelle came down the steps in search of me. The following insanity ensued:
1. I dragged Michelle over to the man and his "son."
2. She showed them her tattoo.
3. Both she and I were dragged upstairs to where his man's friends were (he made Michelle hold his hand? to climb the stairs - it's not Everest, bucko).
4. The man's friends decided it was a good tattoo.
5. I told one of his friends that I greatly enjoyed his Steelers hat.
6. One of the other old men came up, ripped his jacket open, and displayed a Steelers Superbowl teeshirt. Upon telling him that I liked it, he lecherously leaned forward and said, "now show me yours."
7. Michelle and I mutually decided that the area we were in was not our scene, after realizing that we were then completely surrounded by men having midlife crises.

So we went back to our little corner of the bar - Dave showed up at 12:45am to drag my sorry ass across the street (but not before I danced to I Touch Myself and kissed Michelle - why?!) to my dorm room, where I talked to a resident (oh god, I suck at being an RA) and then went to my room to vomit. Following those happy moments, I laid in bed, stared at the wall, and tried to not die. Even now, I feel like absolute fucking shit. Life is AWESOME.

Don't know what I'm doing tonight. Maybe a movie?
Jessica

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Do I drink tonight, or do I not drink tonight... that is the question
To which, of course, there is only ONE answer: TONIGHT, WE DRINK!

Emily is a buttmunch whom I no longer enjoy; why? because she is refraining from text-messaging me back, which makes her a total blowhole. Loser. However, in light of Emily's class tomorrow, in which my boyfriend has to give his Policy Speech (Assisted Suicide :)), I am writing Dave's speech for him so that he can edit it later. Why am I doing this for him, you might ask? Because I heart my Dave. He's a good guy, even if he IS occasionally totally clueless. Besides, it's giving me something to do besides thinking about the Stat. homework that's due on Tuesday. DEATH TO STATISTICS! I hate this fucking class so much.

In other news:
1. Kat is apparently in love with NewGuyJosh; once again, she thinks that the random individual she has met/slept with in the past three-to-five days is her consummate soul mate and destined to be the father of her eventual children. While I love Kat, I think the girl is codependent and completely clueless. Her most recent livejournal entry concerning NewGuyJosh reads exactly like her old journal entries concerning PoorGuyRick (her most recent ex). I feel bad for this new guy, I really do - I mean, Kat always seems to pick someone with some kind of weird personality disorder (this one has extreme mood swings), repeatedly makes the poor guy convince her that she IS good enough to be with him (can anyone say low self-esteem/incredibly self-involved?), and then decides that this relationship is destined to last, that she and whomever she happens to be with at the moment are made for each other, and that they will live happily-ever-after. I actually give you the following quote:

"the one thing that really sticks in my mind about it was the way he looked at me. the way he still looks at me. he watches me in a way that I've never experienced before. like he was absolutely fascinated by everything about me." excerpt from Kat's LJ

They've been 'seeing' each other for three days. He SHOULD still be looking at her like he's all infatuated; talk about, WOW, he still looks at me like he's completely in love with me in a year and a half, Kat. God. And besides, alot of people are absolutely fascinated with everything about you - they're called psychiatrists.
2. I printed out all of my information for the Wake County School District in North Carolina, which totally kicks ass. Now all I have to do is have someone fill out both of my reference papers, have the background information notorized, and send the school district a copy of my official transcripts. And find a job, an apartment, some friends, get medical and car and whatever insurance, move to Charlotte, and be happy. It doesn't sound like too much, does it?
3. Tomorrow is Friday, ie. the day that I make sure that my Math 017 grad. student knows just what a fucking blowhard he is. God, I hate him. I'm going to take my makeup exam, then go to the front of the room and shove it in his motherfucking face. What a total turd. Down with Bryce!
4. Check out theSuperficial.com today; Key Headlines:
- Julia Roberts Looks Interesting
- Hilary Swank Has Nipples
- Tom Cruise Had Abusive Father
- Josh Hartnett and Scarlett Johannson Do It For A Long Time
- Rosie O'Donnell Challenges Naomi Campbell
*Note to public: If that last one ever goes down, I will be in the front row of the dirty, back alley they are having that challenge in. And I will be the one wearing full-body armor like a medieval knight, in the event that either of them throw a punch my way (they could totally wreck me).
5. I'm tired of complaining about people. So, in an effort to make everyone smile, I am enclosing amusing pictures for your viewing pleasure:

*Note to public: I was in a 'bunny with things on it's head' mood today. Anytime you see a rabbit with a pancake on its head, you've just gotta admit that you're having one HELL of a day. Courtesy of Oolong -> GO VISIT!

Okay, that's about it for now. Toods.
Jessica

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Click to view my test results

Had to do it. Now off to bed with Dave.
Jessica

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I finally won.

I got an email back from my twerpy Math 017 grad. student stating that yes, he conferred with his course coordinator, and yes, I can take the exam I should have been able to make up in the first place. All I have to do is provide the freak with a note from the person sponsoring the activity - ie. Nick. What a freaking idiot.

As you can probably tell, I already changed my layout because I do not feel sexy. And the sexy lady on the layout was only making me feel less sexy than I already do, which is fantastic. I love it when inanimate blog layouts make me feel terrible about myself. It's hot in the hugest of fashions.

Tonight was our Supergroup meeting; there was a Holy War (I called Jihad!) over the duty scheduling for finals week - fortunately, both Michelle and I got off without duty, and I only have to be available to check residents out from 6-10pm on Tuesday and 12-4pm on Friday. Otherwise, I am free to party party get down. Yeehaw.

This weekend Dave is having a little party, thrown by the Aerospace Engineering graduate students; this means: free alcohol, we don't have to clean up, and I get to pass out on my boyfriend's bathroom floor. Best part? Emily, Peyton (? still iffy on him - MUST WATCH EMILY), David, Maddie and Mike are going to come. It's going to be an inappropriate CAS party, including our speech teacher. HOT.

moonshiner7: i can't believe you put that in your entry
moonshiner7: and i'm coming to your party too!
moonshiner7: :-(
WritersBlock x20: hahaha, GOOD.
moonshiner7: you left me out.
moonshiner7: i am not cool with that.
moonshiner7: lol
WritersBlock x20: Because I gave you your own paragraph... oh wait, I didn't put it in there.
moonshiner7: hahaha
moonshiner7: you hate me. it's ok

ALSO, MICHELLE TOON WILL BE AT THE PARTY. THIS IS IMPORTANT.

Anyways, she called me tonight to discuss my grade - and when she said that Dave and I have 42%s I almost passed out. Then she reminded me that she was factoring in the two speeches and final exam which we have yet to take, and I felt better. Apparently we're going to be getting high Bs or low As in the class, and as you can tell, that is entirely okay with me.

I have frozen gummy orange slices. That is totally hot.

Michelle's mom and aunt are coming up tomorrow for a banquet that she has to go to, so we won't be able to go to Nickel Night. If anyone wants to go to Nickel Night with me, I would be greatly appreciative. I cannot miss another night out at the Crowbar - but if I must, I assume that drinking myself into a dizzy oblivion over at Dave's won't be so terrible.

So graduation is coming up in about 5 weeks - and that means only one thing: Dave and I are moving in together in about a month and a half! eee!! never thought that this day would come. We'll be going down to Charlotte, NC so that I can take a summer internship at a Natural History Museum and so that both Dave and I can finish out our credits (both classes and my thesis) and graduate. We're both hoping to get offered teaching positions in the area, and it seems like we just might. We also have a potential teaching position in Wilmington, NC, but it really isn't where I want to be (though Dave was intrigued by the very excited recruiter we met at the Educational Career Fair). We're still considering the whole thing. But the whole exciting part about it is that we get to have our FIRST APARTMENT TOGETHER in about seven weeks! eee! we're grownups! I'm really excited about it, except that somehow I need to break the news to the remainder of my family (that's not my Mom, Stepdad, brother or sisters). They're all rampant Catholics, whereas I fall squarely into the Pagan category, and will think, as my Mom stated: "you're going to be living in sin with your boyfriend, then?" Although she said it as a joke.

My grandparents and great aunts are convinced that no man should be allowed near me until I am a. Engaged or b. Married. I mean, even after a year of dating Dave, my greataunt Millie (the crazy militant Catholic of the family) warned me not to get caught like some "other girls she knows" have been - ie. don't get knocked up. I wanted to turn around and look at her and say, "don't worry, I won't. I've been on birth control for 10 months," but I totally couldn't. Woulda been funny though. People in my family are weird; my greataunt Millie (again, the crazy militant Catholic) keeps dragging my mother aside and telling her that my greataunt Kathy (Millie's sister) had a dying wish that my Mom would remarry my stepdad in the Catholic Church (my Mom got married on a beach in St. Maarten, next to a pool, under a chuppah, by a woman, surrounded by iguanas, by the Church of the Sun and the Moon and the Stars). Whenever she does that, though, my Mom turns around and points at me and screams, "Jessica has gay friends!" before running out of the room. Love my Mom.

So anyways, nothing really exciting to report right now. Chris is coming on Friday now to visit Michelle - Friday visit = anal sex. Hahaha Michelle. But seriously, happy for you (I know you're reading this entry). So today, in closing has been good. Or at least these last 10 minutes of today. Hooray for April 5, 2006 between 11:50pm and 11:59pm. It was awesome.

On that note: payce.
Jessica



"We're ath-el-etes? I didn't realize athletes had three syllables. That's a-may-za-zing." David Spade, Benchwarmers

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Regardless to my layout, I do not currently feel Sexy, either by definition one or definition two. I got back my speech group grade today and, instead of being happy about my A, proceded to beat my boyfriend over the head with the available newspaper, simply because he got two percentage points higher than me. However, this is due to the fact that he did not remind me to put in an essential part of the paper (which he himself remembered) and therefore did better than me. This is significant other speech class SABOTAGE, I tell you.

In other news:
- Kat broke up with Rick on Monday morning. Monday night she slept over at another guy's dorm/apartment/house? (not too clear on the specifics). Yesterday, she slept with the aforementioned other guy. I'm very confused as to how someone can do this after breaking it off with their confirmed "soulmate" of eight months, whom she claimed she was destined to marry and have two children: Jillian and Lucas. I can only imagine with this new guy, Josh, she'll be destined to have the same two children, renamed Jill and Luke. Or something equally ridiculous.
- Erin and I talked last night/this morning. We don't do that very often anymore.
- Organizing a conference call with the Schiele Museum this week. Kinda scared about it, because it could potentially shape the course of the entire future, as far as I'm concerned.
- Sent my resume to all the schools in the Charlotte/Wilmington area in North Carolina. Eagerly awaiting the results - in the event that none come, well then, I'm screwed.
- Once again, it's me VS. PSU - this time regarding a Math 017 exam I had to miss because of RA crap I was required to do. Twerpy 1st year math teacher is saying I can't retake the exam - I callously pointed out that I had emailed him several times and he never got back to me. I am determined to win this one.
- Supergroup tonight.
- Emily and I have an inappropriate relationship for a teacher/student. I greatly enjoy it.
- Dave is hungry. Off to lunch.

Toodles,
Jessica

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