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The First Clues
Friday. 8.31.07 11:16 am
Thursday, August 30, 2007
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Today I rode the subway. We went into the tunnel and all lights disappeared except for the flashes of lightbulbs passing by. The sunshine, blur of trees--gone with the deafening roar of wheels on tracks in their place. I liked the dark then. The rectangles overhead were out, perhaps something was wrong with the circuits. I wanted to close my eyes and enjoy the dark backs of my eylids against the darkness of the train. It would be quiet in my own head. Peaceful. I could sleep and drift away. Think about nothing and imagine. My favorite topic: what could be.

I walked the perimeter of the campus, looking for a way in. I walked and walked and suddenly found myself face-to-face with a male I once knew. I smiled and we got reacquainted. As we began to walk together, in no specific direction, I asked him why he was here. He told me many things, his future one of them. What he would be if he came here, to this college. I got a sense that if I went, he would, too. We went together into a large building, it's shadow crossing over us for a few seconds. As we turned the corner, I leaned close to him, nearly touching. He felt it and snaked his arm out around my waist. I was surprised, but didn't show it. I didn't want to, I kind of liked it there. We finally came out into the open and away from the beige walls. There was a long table in front of us, the kind you find in public school cafeterias. On it were professors up and down the length of it, looking over papers and laptops. His grip was firm around my waist and I knew I couldn't get out if I tried, even if I wanted to. I stayed with him and we passed the first, then second table. At the end of the last, we turned around to walk back towards the way we came. I whispered, Do you think that was the right thing to do? He said, To let them know we're a couple? I answered, But that's all they'll think we are! I turned over in my sleep and felt it fade before I opened my eyes.

I was at his house. He was wearing what I had last seen on him in his profile pic, white tank and shorts. He laughed at something I said and I smiled. He held up his book, one he wrote and had published. I told him I wanted him to read it to me. He pulled up a chair and I snuggled down on the sofa. I laid down and pulled the afghan around me tight. I closed my eyes and let myself drift with the sound of his voice. I knew I could fall asleep here, safe. And then, I awoke.

It seems that these two are all about relationships, no? Strangely, they're the only ones I remember. The first ended this morning. The second happened last week. I don't know why. The males in my dreams were not one and the same. In fact, I haven't had much contact with either of them. The first was schoolmate, I had last seen him a few years ago. He did grab my waist once, perhaps that part was a bit familiar. The second I had met over a month ago at an event he starred in.

I wonder why.

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How shall I go about this...Two nutangs and which is which? Shall I be my deep, intellectual, thinking self here? My silly teeanger-ish complaining, sad, hungry self there? I have no idea. We'll see.

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Hello, dears.
Thursday. 8.30.07 2:21 am
Guess you know who I am now, eh? At least you real 'tangers do. Newbies don't. ;) But anyway, I shall introduce myself.

My name is Candace. That much should be obvious since it's also my 'tang name. I am...complicated. No, I will not fill out a profile thing or answer surveys or some other kind of blog get-to-know-you thing. If you want to get to know me, ask. See what I say. There you go.

Now get cracking and introduce yourselves!

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