Well, *he* came by last night.. we talked.. and i feel so much better now. He makes me laugh no matter how much i wanna hate him. Hes so stupid. lol


~~~ Half a day baby! I love it... only 40 mins. of stupid mrs.vanblarCUM. But spanish class seemed to go on forever. But when i got home, i fell asleep on the couch at 2 .. woke up at 5:30.. i was so tired when i woke up .. geez. Had a few dreams too lol very VERY weiiirrrd ones.

~~~ looks like jackie is having some guy problems.. now this is why I WANNA CUT OFF ALL GUYS PENIS'!!! They dont deserve one. lol i love you girl.

Well i guess i dont have a lot to talk bout.. night.

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watching: me type
listening to: SIRIUS 90's
mood: angry
It seriously feels like someone went inside of me and ripped out the usual Stacy and replaced her with someone totally oposite. I hate everything thats going on right now... I really do. I fell used, betrayed, or unliked most the time. Im so good to people, but i get nothing in return... makes me just wanna be a bitch towards everyone and not care about how many friends i have, or who likes me, or how good of a reputation I have.


My god, the teachers really did piss me off. Well 1st period was ok until the overhead was on my desk and i barly had enough room for 2 huge ass books to be opened on it... so i would put a little bit of my book on Johns desk... but he'd fucking freak out and id have to move it. He doesnt respect me at all... after all ive done for that kid.. and no matter how nice i try to be.

Then, 2nd period Chem came along and fricken Mrs VanblarCUM was being a douchebag. She called on me to answer a question and i didnt know it.. so she sat there just looking at me, expecting it to just pop in my head.. and it sure made me feel like a dumbass in front of the whole class. Jeesh, if i dont know the answer.. I JUST SIMPLE DONT FUCKING KNOW THE ANSWER! urgh stupid.


And nothing makes me smile anymore.One thing that made me smile today was when Ed was running back and forth between Craig and I . lol

Another thing that made me laugh was when me and my parents were watching family fued after school.. and the question was....

"Name a nursery rhyme with the word "little" in his or her name."
And my dad shouts "little Richard!"
haha and then my mom just looks at me and we bust into tears cause we're laughing so hard.. ill never forget the look on my dads face. He didnt quite hear the question right or something. lol


What cheered me up last night was when Travis W. called me. Pretty much just to say hi.. I think we talked for a good solid half an hour... hes the best.

IDK.. im just in such a shitty mood these past 2 weeks. I really need to change myself.. I hate this Stacy......



~~~~~ I really hate you for what your doing to me.. and what you did to me. I didnt realize that at first, but now I do. You walk around like it doesnt affect you.. like it doesnt matter. Yeah, you prolly thing its no big deal.. since you never got in trouble and since it didnt fuck up your life like you thought it would. Well, thanks for making it a living hell for me.... and maybe someday you'll come to understand just how much you ruined me. You played me AGAIN and i promise myself... I'M FUCKING DONE!!!

You like me to stroke you
Careful I don't choke you, did you read my mind
You say don't be blue
Is that the best you can do?
I've lost my patience now...

^ Natalie Imbruglia... (Leave me Alone)

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Well, today the family came over. Wow.. it was pretty funny. We played the game LCR for like 4 hours. lol... gets funny with my family yelling "L" OR "R , C!" haha its great.

Zack stopped by a couple times today to see if i wanted to hang out .. but i didnt really feel like it. Dont really know why. I guess Sundays are just "Chill days".

Well Courtney asked me about ten times to put her in here.. so here it is whore. I love yah so much.. i couldnt ask for a better whore than you . lol. Maybe one day we'll get paid for our occupations! lol jk.

Im still very confused with what happened to me last tuesday. Guess i should just live with it.. but these things are hard to forget.

Well, i really dont know what to talk about tonight... but hopefully something happens tomorrow and i can give yah the scoop... ill talk to u all later!!

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Alanis Morissette Lyrics

You Oughta Know

I want you to know that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me
Would she go down on your in a theater
Does she speak eloquently
And would she have your baby
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

'Cause the love that you gave that we made
wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, 'til you died
But you're still alive

CHORUS:
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to but you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her

'Cause the love that you gave that we made
wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died, 'til you died
But you're sill alive

REPEAT CHORUS

'Cause the joke that you laid in the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it

REPEAT CHORUS


I wish i didnt feel this way.. but as a matter of fact, i dont know how to feel. Its like you ruined me.. but yet again, its like you opened me up. Tell me how i should feel... cause i dont know what to do.

Yeah everyone, some shit happened, but im healing. Dont ask what it ism cause im not tellin yah.. but I do love you michelle greenough! lol. Anyway, im so glad we didnt have much school this week.. i need a damn break.

ToxicXKisses1206: I thought you had to go?
Stuper Freak 87: i did
ToxicXKisses1206: but your bk? lol
Stuper Freak 87: but im back now
ToxicXKisses1206: n u didnt say hi? :-(
Stuper Freak 87: im sry
ToxicXKisses1206: thanks ed, thanks a lot
ToxicXKisses1206: :-[
Stuper Freak 87: im sry
ToxicXKisses1206: lol
Stuper Freak 87: i love u
ToxicXKisses1206: dont suck up to me.. u do it way too often
ToxicXKisses1206: lol
Stuper Freak 87: im sry
ToxicXKisses1206: your always like "stacy stacy im sry.. i love u!" lol all the time... and "stacy if you love me , you'll stay!" lol and that makes me feel badd
Stuper Freak 87: im sry
ToxicXKisses1206: lol
Stuper Freak 87: lol
Stuper Freak 87: so wat u doin
ToxicXKisses1206: i think im gonna write in my nutang journal
Stuper Freak 87: ok
Stuper Freak 87: kool
ToxicXKisses1206: yeah ill write about u lol
Stuper Freak 87: ok

There yah go! lol your one of my best friends Ed.. dont change.. i think you know me better than most people do. Thanks.. friends foreva!








~I'm better off alone anyway~

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Christmas came and went.. wasnt very exciting. I spent new years eve at Marcys house... we cuddled while the ball dropped because we didnt have guys there with us. lol. I luv her.

Marcy, Marty, and I all went to zacks house on New Years day for a bonfire type thing, it was pretty cool though. We didnt go to bed til 7:30 in the morning. Crazy. Yeah, i sit here and talk about great times that i can have with my boyfriend.. but why cant i get all excied when i see him, or when he calls me, or when i think about him? Sometimes, hes just like another person to me. Things like this are hard, when you dont know what the hell you want outta life. You dont know what to do to make people appreciate you or to like you. And right now, little things like this is whats driving me up the wall.

Well, HE talked to me today. He only asked me what OH stood for on my lettermans jacket.. but hey, he did talk to me , and he did smile so thats a plus. Left me breathless for a few minutes. Like i said before.. he really is beautiful. And to tell everyone what my new years resolution... its him.. and something else.

Im not trying to sound like a hussy or a girl that gets around, but there is yet another guy in my life. Mystery guy "#1" and this Mystery guy "#2" have both impacted my life so much.. and i dont think ive cared for anyone as much as i have for them. This guy has been in my life since 5th grade, went through so much together. 6 months.. dang. I love...

LOVE.. do i really know what that is? Id like to say i do.. like when i think about "****" and "*****" . I mean, ive said it to all the guys in my life.. but i never really meant it.. only about twice. Im 16.. am i even allowed to be in love yet? I dont know.. but i wish i did.


One of these guys graduate this year.. and hun, if you ever read this... im gonna miss you. I know we live close and all, so you better still come over and give me visits once in a while.. keep in touch. You never know whats gonna happen btw us... hopefully what ive always wanted.

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Like how u think someone is gonna be just madly in love with you after being away for almost 2 years. But then u finally realize the moment that he doesnt look at you anymore.. that things are gonna be different. Things arent the way they were when you last saw him. But yah know.. maybe things werent meant to be.. but damn, i thought they really were. I guess we'll find out down the road.

Well.. looks like hes a part of my life again. He says he has strong feelings for me.. and boy, do i feel the same way too. Just this huge thing is in our way and i wish it would just get the fuck out. For once.. i just want one thing that ive wanted.. and ive wanted him for quite a while now. 1st period... just one quick look at you totally makes my day. You make me soo happy.. with your nice smile and those beautiful blue eyes... could look in them all day.. (deep breathe)I know we'll be together some day.. even if it wasnt forever.. just once chance with you ...

Well, looks like im a hopeless romantic tonight. I just cant get him out of my head.. and though how much i try.. everything reminds me of you.

~ You're my only one~

Well, i think im gonna get going. Love to all

<3 G.M <3

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