I have one right now. I realized that the excuse that I was using for my attitude today was actually correct. See, I was using PMS as my excuse cuz I'm a couple days late so I just figured I was gonna start soon. Well, I was right. At least I have tomorrow to rest and relax and regain my composure before I go back in to work on Wednesday.

I have a really bad headache right now. And since I'm anti-medication I don't even have a hint of Tylenol or Advil. Not that any of it works for me. I've tried it all; even Mydol, and none of it works. Whatever. The pain can be good for me. It proves I'm alive. Although I'm not dying so I'm not really sure what that has to do with anything.

My headaches are not as frequent as they were in the past, but when I do get them, they'd bad. Maybe one of these days I'll actually go to a doctor and find out what's wrong, if anything. I hate doctors as much, if not more, as I despise medication. I haven't been to a doctor since I was 12, a dentist since I was 9. The last time I went to the eye doctor was beginning of senior year, so I was 16, so about 4 years ago. I should probably go again sometime soon, but its expensive. I've been lucky. One of these days I will go. I need to get a complete, total and in full physical. I need everything looked at. Who knows, maybe next year I could have a job with medical insurance. I hope I have a job with medical insurance.

Anywho, I think I'm gonna go lay down. Maybe that'll help my headache.

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For only two days my profile pic on this name will actually be of me. I'm also lostsoul13 and blackfire so if you were ever curious as to how I look, this is me. Enjoy it while you can.

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~~>Arizona Crazy Law:

You may not have more than two dildos in a house.

Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony. This goes back in the days of the Wild West.

There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.

When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses.

Hunting camels is prohibited.

Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.

It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.


~~> City Laws in Arizona:

Glendale
Cars may not be driven in reverse.

Globe
Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.

Hayden
If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined.

Maricopa County
No more than six girls may live in any house.

Mesa
It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license.

Mohave County
A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.

Nogales
An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders.

Prescott
No one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house.

Tucson {where I live ~ I break the law a lot then }
Women may not wear pants.

Tombstone
It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.

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Well, I still don't know if I want an actual 'relationship' out of him, but after much contemplating, I kissed him. And he was more than willing to kiss back. Nothing else really happened, but that's fine with me. The last few guys, well, there really wasn't a waiting period. I like the idea of spreading things out over a period of time. Its something I haven't had in a while.

I just have to figure out what his intentions are. I don't want him to think that we're getting into a relationship. If he thinks that we're getting into one, then I could be in trouble. Cuz say, what if I meet someone and end up getting involved with him, or sleeping with him. Just as a what if. I don't plan on it. But I don't want him to think that I'm cheating on him, especially since his last girlfriend did.

Over the next few days {or weeks} I'll find out slowly where this is gonna go. And hopefully I don't find out something I don't want to know.

There is something nice about this 'situation' though. I don't see him every day. I get to have my freedom. He's really busy with school, especially now that the semester is ending, he's got finals that he has to study for and work on. He said that the last day is sometime in the beginning of December {I can't remember which day exactly}, but he has one more final to take on the 15th. I'm gonna see if he can spend more time here, but if he can't then I'm cool with it. Until the end of the semester, I'm not gonna push him coming over. I don't want him to fail on account of me.

Anywho, I don't really have much else to say. I'll write again whenever.

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Okay, so on my other name I've been writing about how Lance has been coming over and that there's nothing meant by it. At least not on my part. Well, I'm thinking that my subconscious wants more than what my conscious wants.

I took a nap earlier and I had a dream about him. It wasn't anything bad, it was just about us actually dating and being a couple. And when I woke up, I suddenly wanted him to come over today. He said he'd be over on Sunday cuz he had plans all day today. I'm not at all affected by this because he does have a life outside my place as do I. Although it might not seem that way since he's here shortly after I get home from work and he's here until I'm about to go to bed.

I know that the 'excuses/reasons' I'm giving for not wanting to be with him are sort of lame, but they're all true. I've known him for almost two years {basically the entire time I've lived in AZ} and I've also known his past two girlfriends. I had worked with him {that's how I met him} and I don't want to date anyone who I work with. Although he's not working there now, he's talking about coming back once he gets more free time from school. And he's a year and a half younger than me. I don't want to date anyone who is younger than me. I did once, but he was only 2 months younger than me and we were both only 17. I'm 20 years old; I'm going to be 21 in 10 months and 10 days. He's only 18 {so okay that means he's legal} and he won't be 19 until mid January. He's a month older than my little sister's boyfriend. That sort of turns me off from it, since I don't want to date someone who is old enough {or young enough} to date my little sister. It makes me feel weird. He's also immature. He's really smart and can show it when he wants to, but for the most part he doesn't.

I do like the fact that he has a car. But since he's without a job right now, due to school, he has no money. I'm also broke but its cuz I'm going on vacation in less than a month and I have to save up all my money for all the stuff that's being planned. I know that it sounds really weird and bad, but I kinda don't like his eyes. For me that's a big thing, cuz if I don't like his eyes, I can't like him. Eyes are a really big thing for me. Its one of the first things I look at cuz I have to make eye contact with him. I dunno.

I'm thinking that I might give it a try, but I don't want things to get weird, and I definately don't want things to get completely fucked up like it did with Dylan. It started out the same way with Dylan; although Dylan is 6 years older than I am. I didn't really like Dylan's eyes, but since he liked me I decided to give it a try. I forced it. Since it didn't work for me, I stopped it and from that point on there was always a weird, awkward vibe between us. We don't talk or see one another anymore. I don't want that to be the same thing with Lance. He is my friend, and I'm not sure if I want anything more than that. But like I said in the beginning, my subconscious seems to want more. Ugh. I haven't had this type of conflict in quite some time. I'm sure I'll figure out something sooner or later.

Till then... Maybe I'll drink it off; I have two Smirnoff left. Hehe.

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So I think I've kept up the Random Shtuff entry long enough. People can still access it by going to the popular posts link on the homepage.

Anywho, I just realized that I'm doing something that my ex used to do that I was absolutely confused by. He would leave the TV on, but have it muted and have the radio on. This would bug the hell out of me. I could never understand why he had the TV on in the first place if he was just gonna have it muted. Why wouldn't he just turn it off and simply have just the radio on?

Well, I don't have the radio on, but I do have the TV on and muted so that I can listen to music on my computer. My TV is pretty much on from the time I get up in the morning {if I'm off work} or from the time I get home from work and its on until I go to bed. At that point I turn on the radio since I can't sleep with light, but I have to have music. About half of the time my TV is on, its muted so that I can listen to music on my laptop.

Most of the time what I have on TV is something that I've seen so many times before that I can pretty much watch the whole thing muted and know exactly what's going on. My ex and I have been apart since late 2004 and I haven't talked to him in over a year and I'm just now realizing that I'm doing the same thing that he did when it comes to music/TV. Oh well. It doesn't mean anything. Its just something that suddenly came to my mind.

I've been thinking about people from my past a lot lately. Its only in my subconscious though. I've been dreaming about random people from my past that I haven't thought about in years. Its always the same type of situation. I run into them and eventually realize who they are. Its the same type of scenario, its just a different person each time. Whatever. I'm sure its just my subconscious wandering into different parts of my memory.

Alrighty, I think I'm done for now. I can't really think of anything else to write about.

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