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You Smell Funny
quote for the day
"You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'"
"A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth. "
-- George Bernard Shaw
song of the moment
The Hand That Feeds
You're keeping in step
In the line
Got your chin held high and you feel just fine
Because you do
What you're told
But inside your heart it is black and it's hollow and it's cold

Just how deep do you believe?
Will you bite the hand that feeds?
Will you chew until it bleeds?
Can you get up off your knees?
Are you brave enough to see?
Do you want to change it?

What if this whole crusade's
A charade
And behind it all there's a price to be paid
For the blood
On which we dine
Justified in the name of the holy and the divine

Just how deep do you believe?
Will you bite the hand that feeds?
Will you chew until it bleeds?
Can you get up off your knees?
Are you brave enough to see?
Do you want to change it?

So naive
I keep holding on to what I want to believe
I can see
But I keep holding on and on and on and on

Will you bite the hand that feeds you?
Will you stay down on your knees?
my thought for the day
Wednesday. 7.14.04 9:49 am
as i put on my strappy high heels this morning, i had the pleasant surpirse of seeing john before i went to work. usually he sleeps until after we leave, like any sane person should do. and i was not surprised to see him light up first thing in the morning.
that is when it hit me. almost everyone i know and love so much is a smoker. and several are chain smokers at that. my grandfather has two cigarettes every morning on the 15 minute drive to work. then, an hour later, he a vicki take their forst smoke break of the day. lindsey smokes about every hour - but at least she goes outside. her mother wakes up in the middle of every single night to take a smoke break. all my uncles smoke, although kevin usually only does when hes had a few beers. my dad and kevin both use smokeless. and then there is my mother. one night last week i watched my mother smoke at least 6 cigarettes in a row. without barely putting one out before lighting another. (ok, so she only smokes half of them, but it was still chain smoking, she was just wasting a ton of money.) did you know that i am 75% more likely to smoke because i have a parent who does than someone whose parents dont. and if they both smoked i would pretty much be doomed. so, how can i blame my brother for his habit. but then again, i did the whole smoking thing for a little while and it sucks. its gross and gives you a headache and its expensive. but anyway, the whole point of that was not to tell you all not to smoke. it was just me realizing how many smokers i know.

in other news - its wednesday! whoohooo! there is hope that i will live through the week. ok, so its little hope. but still hope nonetheless. i had the greatest idea for a birthday present for jenni and cant remember what in the world it was. i was going to write it down cause i knew i would forget it, but then i was like - oh, ill remember cause its such a good idea. yeah right. so, ill have to think of a new greatest idea. i love altoids, the fruity ones. for those of you who dont know. ive always liked the tangerine ones and then ash introduced me to the sour apple one. and sour apple is one of my favorite flavors. so naturally, we were made for each other. ive decided that someday i am going to be the ultimate rich. yes. the ultimate. and i will have a nice house husband if i have kids. although i would prefer we both just work and he still be the house husband and we just dont have kids. does that make sense? but anyway. then well both have a big house - one where the fam can come over for every holiday - and ill have lots of shoes and nice clothes. and then i can get my hair done on a regular basis so that i dont have split ends. and im going to get my legs waxed whenever they need to be cause i have shaving. isnt that vain!! but then when im the ultimate rich, i can have a charity. and i can give food and money to adorable little kids everywhere. but especially in colombia. why there? well im glad you asked. i love colombia for some unkown reason and they are always having civil wars and suicide bombings. im talking iraq times 50. yeah, that bad. and little kids get paid nothing to work on plantations or in factories and they have nothing and i want to help them. i left my phone charger at home and now have no way to talk to anyone unless im here. you see, i talked to my mom for an hour before i knew that i forgot the stupid thing. my dad is supposed to mail it, but who knows when that will actually happen. and a new one is freaking $30. or at least thats what jimmy said. so, im phoneless for now. but this has been a long enough for all of you and now you are all very bored. so, much love <3 <3 <3

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<%s=252%> <%s=52%>
Tuesday. 7.13.04 12:22 pm
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASHLEY!!!

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at random
Tuesday. 7.13.04 12:11 pm
The NICB®, using data reported by its member insurance companies, has compiled a list of the 10 vehicles most frequently reported stolen in the U.S. in 2002. That top 10 includes:

Toyota Camry
Honda Accord
Honda Civic
Chevrolet Full Size C/K pick-up
Ford Full Size Pickup (150/250/350)
Jeep Cherokee/Grand Cherokee
Oldsmobile Cutlass/Supreme/Ciera
Dodge Caravan/Grand Caravan
Ford Taurus
Toyota Corolla

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Monday. 7.12.04 1:14 pm
sometimes i just dont know about my own self. sometimes it feels like i'm one person, trapped in a body, without anything to say, to do, to feel, etc. sounds weird, eh? it is. sometimes i feel like i can't express who i really am for fear of a lost love, a friend, or even criticism. i hate criticism with a passion.

this is what i am trying to say. not always like that, just at times. its not like i need to learn more about me or learn to make me happy. i just need to find me sometimes because sometimes who i am runs away. i dont understand how or why. it just happens. i know that makes no sense. really, i do. but that is why i feel imcomplete sometimes. i just run away to escape everything and then i have a hard time finding my way back.
and i am unsastisfied with myself soley because of my need to be perfect. if i was satisfied, then i would be perfect. get it? and i am ok with not being perfect, but that doesnt mean that i dont want to be. i want to reach above and beyond mediocrity. really, in the end, its all a big sick circle. and i am ok with that for now. sometimes. im working on it. i just dont know where i am going, so im not sure how to get there yet. but dont worry, i'll figure it out.

and your conlcusion was great.
and for the rest of you who have no idea what is going on, dont worry about. the person this is meant for will know.

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another very long work week
Monday. 7.12.04 10:51 am
so, after my hot dates, i had a little - ok a lot - of trauma. so i stayed up until five in the morning on saturday trying to explain it all to ash, and she just didnt get it. but she definitely gets a lot of points for staying up that late to listen. so, then i decided i needed to try to sleep for a few hours before i had to drive back up here. well, i rolled around for a while and it took forever for sleep to come. and when it finally did, i only got about 4 hours of sleep. sucked big time. so then i packed and ran some errands, one of which was going to ihop to see if they found my keys. and luckily they did. then i left town around 300ish. so i got up here about 630ish, ate dinner, unpacked and slept until 204 yesterday. it was absolute sweetness. then i hung out and watched a really sad movie and john moore showed and apparently he is living with us for a while. then we went to get chinese food. and then i watched more movies. and that is how my weekend went from two wonderful hot dates to really boring!

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on the road again...
Saturday. 7.10.04 2:02 pm
thanks ash.

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