Actually, one is too many.
All is too many.




You'd be so disappointed.

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I am branching out. My friends are important, but I've gotten to a stage where almost all of my friends are one step away from acquaintances. This might not be the best solution, but I've felt so suffocated by so many people unintentionally, I've gotten to a point where I take advantage of them and just need to be alone.

I've found a very interesting person to hang out with. And I've also found someone who I am quite similar to. (These are two different people)

The first one. A guy. Cory. I didn't start hanging out with him until recently, but I swear, there is never a dull moment with this guy. When you're not having some kind of adventure, you're having a deep, interesting conversation with this guy. I absolutely love it.

the second one. A girl. Valerie. We're not super close or anything, but the few times I've hung out with her, I've noticed a lot of...similarities. We laugh the same. At the same things. When looking at things that interest us, we've had a lot of similarities. Maybe I just notice things too much, or I was looking for it or something. I don't know.

It's kind of like how recently I've just happened to look at the clock at 9:11. It scares me, sometimes. Blah I don't know.


I just don't know.

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You'll know what I'm talking about if you read my previous blog, if you haven't already.


I hope karma bites their asses SO hard.

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Scammers are possibly at the bottom of the chain when it comes to lowly acts.

This morning, my dad woke me up, asked me if I could keep a secret. I suspiciously say, "Sure thing." He tells me that from some kind of Wal-Mart Sweepstakes that he's been chosen 1 of 32 out of, what, 500,000 people to win $125,000. It seemed a little fishy to me, but I figured if it had to do with Wal-Mart it could possibly be true.

For my dad, seriously, $125,000 would help him A LOT. It would have helped him finish paying off his house, get all of his debts paid off, etc. He's always struggling to get by every month, and I thought he had finally gotten a break.

Wrong-o.

We went to the bank later in the morning to try and put the first check into his account. Supposedly this was the check that was used to pay off the taxes. My dad had had his suspicions as well, so he asked his banker if he thought it was a scam. I stayed in the car.

As he walked back towards the car, I could already tell how that conversation went.

To sum it all up:

Dad: "Are you 100% SURE that this is a scam?"
Banker: "Sir, I am 101% sure that this is a scam."

The banker told him that if he really wanted to, he could go to a SunTrust bank in _______ (can't give out information like that, heh!) to see if they could cash the check. If they could and the check clears, great! Perhaps it's not a scam.


I pray it isn't a scam. I want to see my dad get a break.

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Apparently I think a lot. I'm sure all human beings think a lot, some more than others.
Maybe not think a lot, so to speak, but...elaborate on their thoughts. My friend told me today that I think too much. She was mostly referring to my need to have a plan for everything I do. I mostly get that form my mother (yeah, thanks, Mom).

But...there was another thing. This morning I was riding with my mom through what people would most commonly think of as (PLEASE do not call me racist for this, because I'm not) "the hood." Neither of us were speaking, therefore there was silence, therefore I was observing and thinking. I decided to break the silence and tell her what I was thinking.

I told her how ironic I thought it was that so much crime happened around the area, and how there were churches around every corner. I mean, I know not everyone is Christian, but that is just a bit ironic.

She pauses for a moment, taking in what I've just said, I guess? I don't know. Then she responds, "It's odd that you would think of something like that. It's very...thoughtful and deep, in a way."

I never really thought of it as "deep." Just...I don't know. Wouldn't everyone see that same irony? Wouldn't other people open their eyes wide enough to make that ironic connection?


I don't know. I hear people talk, a lot. Some people say that others "try" to be deep when they speak. I just...I don't know. I've observed a lot more, lately. I don't see how someone could judge someones opinions and say that they were trying too hard to...think deeply.



Also. Today I got frustrated at one of my closer friends. She's also in full IB, and she said that she wasn't going to re-take any exams that she failed because "even though she failed the exam, she still passed the class with a C, which, if you think about it, actually equals a B." I'm sorry, but bullshit. Somehow that excuse actually worked on her mom, too. Using a different scaling for IB is no excuse to stop trying. Especially when other people work twice as hard and get the same grade as to others who barely have to try.

THEN. She was flipping through her history book, and I saw highlighted pages. I told her she was lucky to have all of the pages pre-highlighted for her. She told me she did the highlightings herself. What the hell. That is purposely destroying school property. Just because you might be able to get away with something like that, doesn't mean you should.

I was so aggravated with her for doing those things. I still am. And I hope she has to pay for the book damages.


I still don't know! It just frustrates me to know that while I'm trying to better myself, get better grades, be an over all better person, other people can just sit by. I know I should focus on myself and not worry about others, but somehow I keep dwelling on the fact that life within itself is not fair, and will most likely never be fully fair. I don't want to bring unhappiness upon others, I don't want that at all. I just wish that everyone could find the same motivation and drive to just...be better.



This all probably sounds very selfish and self-centered of me. Oh well. Another rant over with.

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You are entitled to your own opinions.
I will respect that.
Just make sure that you respect the fact that I have that same entitlement.


I am not sure what state of mind I am in right now. I've somehow tricked myself into thinking that it's Spring, and that I can start playing outside in my shorts again by next week. It's dissapointing to walk outside in to a gloomy gray world that makes my spine shiver.

I have so many plans to improve myself before my senior year. Not that I want to be a completely different person FOR senior year, but simply because I want to have changed by that time. I've definitely been able to acheive self-satisfaction lately, and not worry so much about others who dare to put themselves in the middle of my business and then call me out for it.

I think that not having my car for the next nine weeks may be a slight inconvenience, but it will also help me save money (not only on gas, but on fast food because I could easily stop to get it) and also help me spend my time more wisely. I'm on a stricter schedule now, so if I focus on school THEN play time, it should all work.

Oh what am I saying! I'm sure personal nonsense is boring you. On to a different subject. The first thing that pops into my mind (by that I mean the first thing that pops into my mind that is actually somewhat interesting). Hm...


I've forgetten what I was going to write. I see a monkey icon that is distracting me.


Kbai! Have a lovely hour, day, week, month, year, decade, century...HAVE A LOVELY LIFE!

:)

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