Thursday. 1.13.11 8:25 am
Sunday. 1.9.11 9:13 am
She cocks her head to an angle, fights back a smile and interrupts my stammering. "Are you asking me if I want to go to breakfast tomorrow?"
Red has spent the past few days at my place... she leaves in an hour to head back to New York. I thought about waking her up... but I'd rather keep her here, in my apartment, for as long as I can before she heads back up north to resume her life without me.
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Thursday. 12.16.10 8:00 pm
"You? Giving speeches? I can see it now -- you walk in with the hoody and the t-shirt and maybe the Dallas fitted." He lowers his hand, postponing the demise of the nacho chip in his grasp. “I bet you don’t even remove the headphones either,” Francis continues as I eat my bland taco in silence.
We're across the street from the law school campus, eating what passes for Mexican food in Cambridge, hours removed from completing our first final exam. Of the 80 students I have in my class, he's the one I'm closest to. Granted, I haven't attempted to get close to any of them so far. Partly because of my racism and classism (don’t worry: I’m getting over my distrust of rich, white people. More on this later.)
Sometime around the middle of the 10th grade, probably around the same time I joined NuTang, I had an epiphany after a girl broke my heart.
(PEEP THE ZANZI COMMENT YO! Ah, to be young and full of hope.. well, okay, to be young?) Ever since then, I’ve actively made it hard for people to get to know me.
“See, the thing about me is that when I’m in a new place, surrounded by new people, I don’t go out and try to form bonds like normal folk.”
“While other people, people like you," I continue, "try to talk to people and make friends, I don’t engage. I observe. I'm not like you -- I don't do small talk and shoot the shit with people just for the hell of it. When I talk to people though, I try to make sure it counts."
"I get that,” Francis says between bites of his flavorless nachos, “but I really can't see you talking to kids."
I wait for his chuckle to subside before putting down my insipid chicken taco. "Code switching is all it is. I mean, when I was doing that -- recruiting for my undergrad, or working at the Department of State, I just had to act accordingly.”
I've donned enough hats over the past six years that I could challenge Mario for most versatile superhero. There's advocate Jon who worked with rape victims at a children's hospital for a few years, Big Brother Jon who mentored an 8 year old, State Department Jon who loved his work and Justice Department Jon who hated his work. House builder Jon, President Jon, boyfriend Jon, student Jon.. you get the picture.
“So yeah, that guy you said seemed apathetic to everything – being at Harvard, taking these courses, making new friends, all that… I suppose that is the real me. When I’ve got shit to do where I have to behave a certain way, such as giving a speech to an auditorium or talking to a four year old victim, I know how to behave. When it comes to sitting in classes about property law or administrative law, I honestly don’t give a fuck so if it seems like I don’t care about being in that class… I don’t. Check with me next semester though when I’m taking interesting classes like Criminal Law and human rights.”
Three finals down, one more to go. Hopefully tomorrow?
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Sunday. 12.5.10 2:26 am
Monday. 10.18.10 10:02 pm
law school is very time consuming.
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Thursday. 9.23.10 8:30 pm
"As to the crossroads aspect you wrote about, I smell what you're stepping in. You know that scene in the movies where the protagonist looks around to make sure they have all of their gear before they embark on their journey? They grab their backpack, the flask from the counter, the sentimental item of choice off the dresser and finally the map from the wall with the big X to mark the spot. It feels like these past few years, ever since I made up in my mind that I'd make it into a top 20 law school, I've taken steps to gather all the materials I'll need for the journey. Got the grades in undergrad, did the fellowship in D.C., built up my resume, then took the big test and figured the end of the journey was in sight and all it took was getting that acceptance letter to reach the X. Turns out what I thought to be the finish line all this time was merely the starting line. "
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