My last update was on Friday. Well, not all that much has happened since then. Saturday night I saw Dead Silence, which was a pretty good movie. Sunday I didn't do much. Yesterday was a normal day, nothing particularly special I'd care to mention. Today was a decent day. I was in an oddly good mood today, maybe because it was Michael's birthday; fuck if I know.

Speaking of which, I brought forth my ultimate mean of birthday torture. I got Michael a PSP game, wrapped it in pink construction paper, and went hot-glue-gun crazy on it's ass. I added pipe-cleaners, sparkles, cloth, sparkley balloon-shaped things -- even fluffy, colorful little balls. Now, before you think I'm some phsyco happy chick, I have a reason: I made the wrapping paper so damn pretty and put in so much effort that he wouldn't want to rip it. Yet, I glued and taped nearly every corner of it so that it would be impossible to open nicely. He had to choose between his game and the beautiful, hard-worked wrapping paper. Bwahah!

Tonight I had breakfast for dinner. Eggs, pancakes, and bacon. And chocolate milk. It was hella good. Then my father, sister, and I went food shopping. I'll tell you a slightly humorous story. When we unload the car, we carry as much as humanly possible in one load. Why? For the hell of it, and the shorten the amount of trips. Anyways, I have things stacked in my arms and everywhere I could balance it, expect for one space under my arm. I could fit something small there. So I told my sister to put the pack of deoderant my dad bought there for me, because my hands were full. So, I tell her to put it under my arm and she goes, "Yes, that's what it's used for." I thought it was pretty funny.

So, next Saturday I'm going with a bunch of people to the beach. It'll be pretty awesome.

That's all.

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Yesterday was a good day. I actually got a decent amount of work done in AP Human Geography, same with Bio, and in math... well, I had fun, anyways. I was forced into skipping Journalism by Phillip, which I honestly didn't mind all that much, so we went to Burger King and drew all over the cups with Matt's abnormally large Sharpie. When we were walking off campus, there were two security guards just watching us go, and didn't say anything. We found that odd, and figured they might be waiting for us to try to get back on campus, so we got in through the bus entrance instead of ESOL.

The entire time, Amanda was being pissy at Phillip because he was walking with me the whole time instead of her, and when he tried to be with her she would blow him off then accuse him for not trying to fix things. I love Amanda, but she was honestly being very ridiculous. Matt likes Amanda, so he was only making things worse by starting shit with Phillip and storming off with Amanda. I was getting frustrated, and by the time we were leaving I was like, "I would've rather stayed in Journalism. Drama is so stupid."

Otherwise it was fun. Afterwards I went to Michael's house for what I thought was only going to be an hour or so but ended up to be like 7 hours or so. It was perfect. My mom was supposed to see my sister and I after a long while of absolutely no contact.. but that didn't happen. So I got home around 10:30-11 because it took forever to find directions to Tina's house so we could pick up Amanda. When I got home, I laid down because my shoulder was killing me and I didn't want to put any extra strain on it, but I ended up falling asleep after an hour-long conversation with Daphne.

I woke up oddly early this morning, around 10:30-ish. So far I've accomplished devouring three eggs, watching like three episodes of Scrubs, cleaning my room, painting the nails on my left hand, and washing an over-flowing sink of dishes. It's really gross outside, and there's supposed to be a thunder storm later. I hope the power doesn't go out.

AH! UPDATE! I just checked my grades online and I made a D in math! FUCK YES! Maybe, possibly, I won't be grounded forever. And I just calculated my GPA.. and I don't think I did it right, because it came out to be a 3.2. Either way, it'll definitely be a lot better now that I didn't get an F. And, since my math class is honors, my D counts as a C on my GPA.. so it'll be pretty good, I think. Oh god, I want to go out so badly. Hopefully!

Okay, I'm going to go call about everyone I know to say that there is some hope yet! Byeas!

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According to my friend, Rachel, who has the same math class as me only a different period, my teacher has closed her grade book. Fuck! Around the beginning of this quarter, I began to give up on pretty much everything, and one of these things included school. Therefore, my math grade -- due to doing no work whatsoever -- plummetted into a very dark depth. To spare you all the fancy wording, I realized how badly I was fucking myself over, and the last coupe weeks I've worked my ass off. Now, I have a 58% in the class. Tomorrow was supposed to be the last day to turn in grades, and I figured that if I could get in a homework and classwork assignment, I could bring my grade up to a D in a hair's breadth of time. This doesn't seem to be happening. To put it simply, I am very upset.

The consequences of this do not only go as far as a low GPA (which, according to my calculations, will probably be somewhere around a 2.8), it will also be the end of my social life. My father is removing my cellphone, computer, and I'm getting grounded permanently. This definitely sucks pretty badly. In sight of this, I offered to end things with Michael, because I don't think it's fair that I keep him chained to me when there are probably more interesting chicks out there who he can actually see out of school. When I told him this in PE (I had called him, he hasn't yet returned from the broken jaw), he didn't respond. Well, no -- he did, but it was something of an, "Eh." So, I figured he agreed with this. Honestly the first time I said it, it was more out of an attention kinda thing: I wanted to see if he'd fight for me at all. But when I started to think about it more, it really was unfair of me to keep him to myself when he could be happier.

However, during a course selection assembly (for those of you who have been reading along since the beginning of my Nutang life, do you remember me talking about course selection for this year? Now I'm talking about it for next year... I've had this thing for a while now), he texted me saying that he couldn't find his words earlier but he really didn't want to leave me. As selfish as it is, I must admit that I was inwardly happy to hear this, because I got pretty upset even thinking that everything was going to end so soon -- hell, it was only five months as of... yesterday. But I'm also upset that he won't be able to do what he wants with his freedom because I've got him locked up. Feh!

Life is really weird. I've just been thinking a lot lately, you know? I feel like nothing satisfies me, like each step I take farther into the day is the wrong one. But it's possible that I just know what's ahead of me: getting yelled at, grounded, and possibly losing my friends and boyfriend whom I shall slowly become nonexistant to. And you guys, too, seeing as I will rarely ever have access to any type of internet. I really don't know what I'm looking for in life, and I don't know why a 14-year-old girl would be looking for something in life instead of just living it, but it feels like I'm doing it all wrong.

Feh.

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Today was a boring day. Other than successfully smashing Phillip's arm into a wall, I didn't do much interesting. Speaking of Phillip, the same shit tends to happen every single time I get close to a guy: they must like me. Same shit with Danny, and every other guy friend I've had no intentions of dating.

During lunch Phillip got a pass out of his class to come see me. When he was leaving, he snatched my phone and took off. I chased him down, but by the time I caught him it had disappeared into one of his many pockets. I searched through each one, until finally finding my phone -- and his phone. I pulled them both out and then I took off. He chased me and held me down until I gave up his phone. Then we hugged bye and I walk back over to where Danny, Spencer, and Joey were. I sit down and the first thing Danny says is, "That Phillip kid so wants you."

No. He doesn't. He has a girlfriend, and I am not her. People need to realize that we CAN be friends without wanting more. G'damn.

Anyways, it was a pretty normal day. School isn't so bad anymore. I'm not enjoying my classes, but I'm not particularly dreading them either. Between classes I always find someone to talk to for a little, and it's pretty cool to talk to a little bit of everyone everyday. I feel a bit detached from my best friends though, mainly Daphne and Tiffany. It just feels like I'm talking to them a little less and everyone else a little more, and that they're just living together without me. But, in a weird way, I'm happy about that. Well, no, not happy, more like... okay with it. I don't know why, maybe I've just been in a mood lately. Who knows. The only person I seem to be making constant contact with is Michael.

Speaking of whom, besides the broken jaw and all of his pain, I'm kind of glad he hasn't been in school for the past week and a half. Two Fridays ago we were at the mall and I honestly wasn't feeling anything for him, and it scared me because I've seen couples just "lose interest" in each other and I've always thought, "That will never happen with me. I like him so much, I don't see how it could happen." But feeling nothing I was like, 'oh shit, this can't be happening -- he's one of the best things to have happened to me in ages, I'm not ready to let it all go.' I mean, it feels like I'm feeling everything I previously felt for him, but with his broken jaw and all that I'm not sure if they're the exact same feelings. There's a chance it could be sympathy (though I highly doubt it). So, depending on my reaction when I have him back, I'll better be able to determine whether or not I still feel the same way... if that makes any sense.

I'm scared, because he said and did some things that made me want to push a lot of distance between us, but in trying to stop myself, I might've pushed in a little. Old wounds don't heal, you know? So, we'll see. Anyways, he might be feeling the same way, because as of a couple weeks ago he was insisting that he was falling in love and I would disagree, and now when I tell him he's not, he agrees with me. So, all good things come to an end eventually... I'm just hoping this good thing lasts a bit longer.

Only time can tell.

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