i just woke up from a nap..and brought the clothes in from off the line...simple tasks like that kill me anymore...i'm ready for another nap...i have a feeling i'll write in here a bit more now, being as i have something to talk about other than work....yesterday i was craving an auntie anne's soft pretzle so bad....so i went to the mall just for that :P so i got a glazin' rasin pretzle and a lemonade and went to target....i looked at baby clothes and other stuff, and just...was overwhelmed at the price of some of that stuff....it's expensive, but i know it'll work out.....went to get jim last night...went to bed....woke up this morning...around 9:50 actually...i woulda slept longer but i had a horrible dream...in my dream David, jim's brother brought this girl over that he was friends with..and jim dissappeared..so i went to find him, and i found him in the guest room with the girl on top of him fucking him....i went crazy....i was around 7 months pregnant in the dream so i was showing, and i was a mess....i was really fat and ugly, and this girl had the balls to tell me to go on slimfast..when i'm obviously pregnant..i ripped her off of my fiance and threw her against the wall and progressed on beating her to near death....then i started on jim.....i screamed at him about how i knew he would do this to me, and all this other stuff, and i asked him if he still loved me, and he told me no...so i was left, fiance-less and with a bastard child.....i woke up sweating and crying...i just hope this doesn't mean anything...like my dream around 1 1/2 months ago, where i was pregnant, and now i am pregnant.......i talked to him about it, and he was stunned...he didn't know what to say..i don't know what to say..i don't know where the hell it came from!! maybe it's in my subconsious that i'm afraid he'll leave me now that i'm pregnant...there's so much going through my mind...i'm happy i'm pregnant because i thought my bastard ex fiance ruined my chances at having children because he'd always pinch and punch me in the stomach area...but now...we have a life growing inside of me that we created....it's amazing...and it's making me so fricken emotional...like i was in a weird mood cuz of that dream, but when jim called me on lunch break, i realized i wanted a hug really bad...so i told him i'd come see him for a bit..and he's like...wait until i go to work at the gas station..and i flipped..idk why, but i guess it's my hormones that are making me like this...but i started crying and yelling that he didn't love me and stuff, and then i calmed down...a few minutes later i was happy again and getting dressed to go to the mall again because i wanted another soft pretzle, which i didn't get....i got japanese sesame chicken..which i haven't touched yet....but...i went to target again and priced some stuff...but i went to see him when he got out of work at the store, so we could spend a few minutes together before he had to work for the night...and we ended up getting in a fight because he was being really immature about the whole baby thing...and i just want support...that's all i want, and he's like..well then i'll give you my whole paycheck, and i started crying again and told him that's not what i want, all i want is love and to know that you love this baby as much as i do....so i drove him down to the gas station because he wanted me to put gas in the car anyway..and we sat there at the pump for a few minutes..just talking, and i asked him why he didn't love the baby..and he said he does, he's just so scared...and he told me he'd stop being mean to me if i stop being mean to him...i'm gonna try...it's not a promise with my hormones piling up inside me like they are...i'm gonna be depressed and moody a lot...he's just gonna have to understand that....but before he left the car...he kissed me and my tummy goodbye and told me and my tummy he loves us....that's the stuff i want....is the support, is the love...like last night i was happy because he loved the baby clothes i bought...the look on his face was of total adoration...and i know he loves the baby already, but he's scared just like i am....


all i smell right now is animal piss....i don't know why..the dogs don't pee in the house, but i smell it..and it's making me so nauseous...i'm sick of being nauseous...i know i spelled that wrong and i don't care...haha...i just want another nap..cuz i gotta go to work again tomorrow :( it's so hard to get through one day of work now...i get so tired and i end up peeing around 5-6 times during the day...and i'm gonna have to stop lifting heavy stuff...like cases of water and big bags of dogfood..it can't be good....i think i might go sit outside and get some fresh air or take a small stroll down the road...do something active other than sit here and be sick and watch spongebob...i'm so scared to tell my dad that i'm pregnant....i know he'll be dissappointed...but he wouldn't want me to get rid of my baby either...but...that's all for now i guess....

i'll keep everyone updated on stuff ....and i gotta make my doctors appointment soon...so i can go and get checked, and get my blood taken *ick* i hate bloodwork...i hate needles, but hey..i figure labor's gonna be a hell of a lot worse than a needle being stuck in my hand....that and an epidural...in my spine...owwwww......thank god that's in like 8 months...since i'm probably around 4-5 weeks pregnant, which is a month........wow....already......


anyway...i'm out....thanks for putting up with all of this!!!

and to a certain someone who wrote an entry earlier....thanks for that...it meant a lot to me....


and thanks to stacy:::




i don't see the baller in me...or the computer geek, but okay......or the punk...i'm not punk, but the description fits me...i guessssssssssss

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my happy news....i'm having a baby....


yes..you may think of me as a slut...but hey..i'm only sleeping with one guy, and that's my fiance....

yeah, i'm young...but why would i give it up? i've graduated high school....i've got a job....so i have income...and together, jim and i make around $500 a week....

i got college covered.....i know my plans for the future...

and yes....i think i'm too young....i know i'm not ready..but i'm not going to abort my baby or give it up for adoption...

i'm an engaged woman....i'm mature way beyond my years, and i have a steady regular income, a bank account, and my own place in a few weeks....so why not? right??

call me a slut, call me a whore, but i really could care less what you think about me, because ''i'm keeping my baby''.....

now...on that note....


i realized something was wrong a few days ago when i couldn't make it through a day of work without gagging a million times, being so exhausted, and almost peeing my pants every 45 minutes....plus i was like a week late..but i figured no biggie....but when i started seeing other symptoms pop up like crazy..i decided to waste my money and buy a pregnancy test......like i have before, and they've always come out negative......

so i was gonna wait until friday morning to take it, but it was a 2 pack , so i figured, what the hey....and i took one thursday night, while jim was working at the gas station........it started out fine...came out what looked like negative, and i was dissappointed, but somewhat relieved....then i saw the other line forming to make the little + in the circle window....i cried...i screamed...i sobbed....i was shaking so hard i thought my teeth would fall out.....i told jim....he was okay with it....not really mad, not upset..but not extatic either, like i'm not that enthusiastic myself, but...hey..what can you do?

so friday morning before work, i decided to take the 2nd test..just to make sure...and sure enough....a little + formed again.....i was like..okay..this isn't good, but it's not the worst that could happen...i mean, come on...i could be having a baby at 15-16 like before....

so i realize that's what all this nausea, overactive bladder, and over tiredness is from...

go to work.....

come home...and jim and i rest for awhile....started talking about baby names.....stuff like that....

today (on my lovely day off) i got up...took a shower, did some laundry...that good stuff.....then i went out shopping....

i bought an extremely cute maternity shirt from fashion bug..it's white, and a v-neckish with a silver heart making the shirt bunchy at the chest....it's cute....and i went to target...and i looked at the baby stuff...and i bought a really cute unisex outfit and a unisex bottle...just to kinda finalize my mind that i'm pregnant.....and i also bought some prenatal vitamins...which i know i'm gonna need to have a healthy baby/pregnancy...i already took one....so i hope they work.....

but i'm out...donna and jim are home and i don't want anyone to see what i'm writing.....

more later....


ugh i'm pretty sick of pregnancy already..i'm so tired, uncomfy, and sickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

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i have no time for anything anymore..i'm always working..it's fricken ridiculous!! not to mention i'm so used to getting up early, that i can't sleep late anymore..i didn't have to get up until 8:45 today for work at 10, but nooooo....i was up a t 7:30...and on my day off, monday, i slept till like...9..if that....i hate it..but i get paid pretty good...so it's kinda sweet....i had a paycheck of 192.22 yesterday...i have 109 left...i paid rent..and then shopped.....jim took me out for dinner since it was our 11 month anniversary on the 6th, and then we've been engaged for 4 months yesterday...*yay* for us....so we went out to dinner, and then we went to circut city...and i went to look at laptops, ,i found the one i'm gonna get...so i'm gonna go take out a loan at the bank..build my credit and stuffs like that...my credit card should be comming soon....also my debit card should hopefully be here this week with my checks...if not, next week....but...anyway......at target, i bought a realllllllllllly cute purse..it's pink cordory with a mint green inside.....it's really cute...it was on clearance too for like 9 bucks..then i got a cute pink bra...that was on clearance for 9 too...then i got some hairspray and mousse and detangler....then we went to staples....and got jim a new computer chair, and i got some colored pencils and a notebook and a cool nifty light up pen......and my feet were KILLING me by the end of the night because i'm not used to wearing heels anymore..just my sneakers at work.....so jim,the ever so sweet guy he is, told me to take my shoes off in the car,and when we got home, he ran in the house before i got out of the car and got me a pair of flip flops to wear inside....it's little things like that that make me love him so much...taking me to dinner was nice, granted, but that little gesture showed he really cares...and he cares enough so he won't have to hear me bitch that my feet hurt :P

but when we got home last night...jim was putting his computer chair together and he noticed he had a message on his phone...it was from my dad, telling me to call him when i got a chance.....i was like....uh oh, what's wrong...and....so i called.....and he's like....can you be here on november 5th? and i'm like...what's november 5th...and he said...darene and i are getting married......i started bawling and was like, i have to call you back...and hung up......and i just cried...i went into a panic attack and donna (jim's mom) came in to see what was wrong, and jim told her, and she started talking to me....and let me cry in her arms...it felt good....she's gonna be a good mother in law...not a mean one...but it still really shocked me..i mean, my dad and her will have been together a LITTLE over a year, and they get married....they've been engaged for like a month..if that now....and they're getting MARRIED....for those of you who are new to nutang and are wondering..."why is she so upset about her dad getting married" ....here's the answer....my mom died 3 years ago....so....if anyone understands what i'm going thru....please.....FEEL FREE TO COMMENT...it hurts me so bad that he's replacing my mom...i don't care if you say he's not...to me he is....that was my mom...the only mrs. reiff i was ever going to know....i liked being the only child...now i have a stepsister (who, granted is grown up and has kids...) but that makes me a step aunt..and all that other stuff...and believe me, they don't have the best reputation at school...(in troy) i don't want to have another mother...she'll never be a mother to me.....and it hurt me really bad when he told me they were engagegd...and now that they're getting married?? it hurts...really bad....

but i tried to call him back after i calmed down, and the phone was busy..he wouldn't answer his cell..so i thought he was avoiding me...so i wrote him an email..tried a few more times to call him, then went to bed....when i woke up this morning, i checked my email on the pda (palm pilot) and he had wrote me back..i guess, according to him, he didn't hang the phone up right cuz he was worried about me, and the he'd be home around 7 and that there's a reason they're getting married so early...it ibetter be a good one! but i'm gonna go...i feel really crappy...and i want fishsticks...dammit!!! (i'll explain in a different entry)

i love you baby...only less than one month to go and we'll be together a year :)


plus, less than a month till my birthday :-D 19 baby!!!!!

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for the people in louisianna and mississippi and those states...it's so horrible...it really makes you stop and realize how important life is.....

i opened up my bank account today :) i got a checkbook...i feel so proud..hehe...my checks come in 1 week and my debit card comes in 1-2 :) wee!!!

i also got my nails done today in the plaza where i work...oh god they're the greatest!! they massage your hands and then massage them again with a hot towel...it's so great....but i got them filled for the first time ....it's sweet!! haha..but i got them painted red, with a white flower/gem design...i took a pic, but it turned out kinda bad....


but that's really all for now...i wanna relax..i've been up since like 5:10 this morning...and i want a nap!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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i went shopping today :) yay!!! i went to target for the first time...oh wow i love that store!! it's my new fave....besides Dot's.....which is an awesome store too..i got a TOTALLY hot shirt from dots, and a really cute silver necklace with a heart on it.. .at target i got jim a present....




it's kinda dark to see....but it's a spongebob lamp..i think it's so cute...

i have my last day off tomorrow..then it's back to work...even on my day's off, i find myself at Bill's...DAMMIT!!

i ordered a totally adorable collectors doll tonight....it's one of those ''real feel'' babies i guess...it's so damn cute...and so damn worth it!!!

but i'm out for now...i gotta go get jim soon i guess

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sorry for slacking..it's been tough to update lately..i've been working 6 days in a row and yesterday was my first day off in the 6 days...and today's my day off too...thank god...it was driving me nuts!!!!

nothing really happening in my exciting life...except working...god, i have like, no life now..it's all about work...ahh well, i guess that's what you get for growing up..can't wait till spring semester, i'm gonna start college then i believe....

found an apartment..not sure if we want it though...the two of us together pay $480 a month to live with his parents, and if we get this apartment, it's only $15 dollars more, so it's $495 a month...but, that extra $15 includes our heat, electric, water, and sewer....so i think it's worth it...i called the number and they told me it'll be ready around mid september, which is when we want it...they accept pets, which is great...but i don't think it comes with appliances....the woman said it didn't, but i wasn't specific about what appliances i meant...so hopefully, when we go to look at it, we'll like it..cuz even if we have to bring our own appliances, it won't be that bad...

got paid yesterday..finally...i somehow survived on $103 last week, minus the $60 for rent..i got paid $195.03 for 39.6 hours..i don't think that's too bad...i was so happy...i have like $80 some left because i had to pay rent, i bought half of the groceries, and i bought myself some personal things...including razor cartridges cuz i was out...and jim and i went out to lunch, so we split the bill for that...we went to Kays...it's an italian restaurant in a train car..it's pretty cool...good food too...i got a cheese steak with cheese fries and we split an order of garlic knots..yum....

but it's back to work tomorrow... *sighs*

i haven't been feeling really well lately...i don't know why..but i've been so dizzy lately and just so tired....maybe it's from working....who knows...but i hope i'm not getting sick again!!

tried to open my bank acccount yesterday...can't yet though, because i haven't gotten my address on my license changed...which pissed me off...oh well, hopefully i can next week!!!!

worked out some more wedding plans...not too many, but...some...

but i'm out for now..i'm feeling crappy, so....

i'm out :)

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