Home | Join! | Help | Browse | Forums | NuWorld | NWF | PoPo   

Tried to give you Summer,
But I'm Winter.
Wish I could make you Spring,
But I Fall so hard.

It is I, Tammi.


lucidblur
Age. 38
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. Black
Location Petersburg, VA
School.
» More info.
What needs to be done?
- Finish painting
- File FAFSA
- Wash clothes
- Gather yardsale items
- Hang out with Levy
- Relax hair
- Unpack
- Buy Jimmy Eat World album
- Request credit report
- Close FSNB account
- Register for classes
Speak Free!




Notification to Bore Yourself
Subscribe to this to blog if you would like to be emailed whenever it is updated.

Your email

Mood

Right now, I feel: The current mood of lucidblur@yahoo.com at www.imood.com
Inside my Mind

Extra Links
Lyrics of the Moment
In my fantasy I'm a pantomime
I'll just move my hands and everyone sees what I mean
Words are too messy
And it's way past time
To end in my mouth

Paint my face white and tried
Reinvent the sea
One wave at a time
Speak without my voice and see the world by candlelight

I ain't afraid to let it out
I'm not afraid to take that fall
But I have found beyond all doubt
We say more by saying nothing at all

In my fantasy no such thing as time
Minutes bleed into days
Avant garde
Show me your heresies
And I'll show you mine
We only speak in pantomimes on this carpet ride

I ain't afraid to let it out
I'm not afraid to take that fall
But I have found beyond all doubt
We say more by saying nothing at all

In my fantasy you look good entwined
In my hair and skin and spit and sweat and spilled red wine
You're my deep secret
I'm your pantomime
I'll just move my hands
I promise you'll see what I mean


Incubus : Pantomime
Shows!
Jimmie's Chicken Shack
Virginia Beach, VA
August 2001

Hoobastank, Incubus
Norfolk, VA
September 2001

Phantom Planet, Incubus
Richmond, VA
June 2002

30 Seconds to Mars, Incubus
Virginia Beach, VA
September 2002

Jepetto, Jimmie's Chicken Shack
Richmond, VA
March 2003

Lollapalooza: The Distillers, The Donnas, Queens of the Stone Age, Jurassic 5, Incubus, Audioslave, Jane's Addiction
Bristow, VA
August 2003

Mest, Goldfinger, Good Charlotte
Richmond, VA
October 2003

Alien Ant Farm, 311
Richmond, VA
November 2003

Y101 Birthday Bash: Steriogram, Marcy Playground, HIM, Puddle of Mudd
Richmond, VA
May 2004

Spooky Daly Pride, Jimmie's Chicken Shack
Richmond, VA
June 2004

Ben Kweiler, Incubus
Richmond, VA
October 2004

Copper, Jimmie's Chicken Shack
Richmond, VA
January 2005

Jimmie's Chicken Shack
Virginia Beach, VA
August 2005

Switchfoot
Norfolk, VA
November 2005
First.
Saturday. 9.3.05 2:13 am
August 26th at 4:10am
I decided to keep a written journal since I won’t have internet access for a few days. I really need to find another way to occupy my time because I feel like I’m experiencing internet withdrawals. It’s weird not having James around and I can’t determine whether that’s good or bad. And this doesn’t even feel like my house anymore; I almost feel like a guest here.

Let’s begin with the bus rise, which seemed tedious and treacherous until I would compare it to the rides back and forth that I used to endure between Virginia and Florida. It wasn’t that bad. I will say that every time I ride a bus, there is that one person or group of people that interests me. There was this one, big black guy who was loud the entire trip, either on his cell phone or talking to his buddy who was also on the bus. “Shorty”, he called him - a short, white guy who when I first laid eyes on and heard him speak, brought to mind “Git ‘er Done!”

“Shorty” ended up talking to me before we stopped for a layover. He saw my big CD book and asked if I had any music from [insert assorted names of rappers here] and I smirked a little from embarrassment. I always feel awkward about showing others my CD book because I only carry Rock, maybe a little Techno, and a little R&B. I showed it to him and he said, “Holy shit! Ya got all ‘dis white man music!” Haha. This guy was extraordinary. The only way to describe him is country, ghetto redneck. I mean that in a nice, inoffensive way. Seemed like a pleasant dude.

I was thinking a lot on the way here. So many things inspired me to write and I was upset that I didn’t have my notebook – any notebook. Scenery, worn houses, dead railroads, dried and discolored grass, and country folk. Unfortunately, I seem to have left that all on the bus.

Seeing Mom was weird. She looked older and skinnier. She’s way skinnier than I am and I was hesitant to hug her. I hate that she’s getting older and I can see it. I feel the same about Grandma. She’s been pretty sick lately, too. After we reunited, I drove us around to view what had changed in the city since I’d moved.

Getting in the house was definitely strange. Everything reminded me of either the very day I left or of Quintus. Yes, Quintus. Weird, man. In fact, thoughts of him have been attacking my brain uncontrollably for hours and it’s almost driving me mad. I think the sooner he gets his things, the sooner I can relax. With everything, it feels like I’m picking up where I left off last time I was here, but it’s not the same case with him which may be why it’s so disturbing.

I can’t concentrate on this right now because I have so much on my mind about what I need to do and what I’m feeling on top of Mom running her mouth. Good night for now.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Holy Shiznit!
Friday. 9.2.05 2:41 pm
*sheds tears of joy* I got the internet to work. Praise God, Gods, Goddess, and Goddesses!

I'm so pathetic. hahaha. Shit, man. Too bad I have to be at work in an hour.

I have a lot to put in here. So until around 11pm...

Toodles.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

I'm Back from Virginia.
Thursday. 9.1.05 10:19 pm
I'm back and feeling uneasy.

Fuck! And it's my fault, too. God damn it. Seems I may have lied to someone and myself.

Maybe I just need more sleep. Heh. I slept three hours last night.

Going out to eat with James soon and then... Who knows?

We had an interesting conversation. I'll tell more later.

In fact, I have tons to say, but I'm only at James' job secretly using the computer. His internet is out. *whine* I kept a written journal while in Virginia, which I'll be posting in here so I'll have lots to put in later.

Lots of personal stuff. Won't be placed in private entries. I don't care anymore.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

I Lied.
Friday. 8.26.05 8:28 pm
Yay for internet access!

I'm at Anna's house right now and she's trying to get in touch with DeWayne so we can go out to eat. That's looking doubtful, though.

I... feel... so... strange... for reasons I don't really want to write about yet. At least not publicly. I have another journal that is only read by me and it holds a lot. Still... I haven't felt right since I've been back to Petersburg. I know why, but I don't. ARGH.

God, make it go away. I don't understand it - at all.

Maybe later.

Yes, later. Later sounds good.

Later...

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

Here's to a Safe Trip. [edited]
Thursday. 8.25.05 6:46 am
My bus leaves in a little over an hour and a half. I'm still nervous.

Man, I'll be without internet for *counts on fingers* six to eight days. Ah man. I'm going to have to borrow Anna's laptop or something. haha. Oh well.

Until next week.


McGriddles!!! Yeah, motherfuckerrr!!! WOOOO! lmao. Okay, I'm going to McDonalds.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Not Like I Would've Expected.
Wednesday. 8.24.05 9:12 pm
So this will be the last entry for about a week, until I get back from Virginia. I'm actually very anxious about coming home. I think I'm just starting to think about it. I mean, before, I was happy about it. I just didn't think much about it.

I guess what's bothering me is that it's one of those things that will turn out in a way I didn't expect. Five months ago, when I moved here, I thought my return would be a lot different than what it will be when I do get there because of how things have changed. I don't really want to get into the obvious reasons, but...

God, it sucks. Not because of the way things are now, but because of how happy I was right before I left compared to right now. I mean, I've definitely learned a lot by moving here and learned a hell of a lot about James, but sometimes I wish I could just rewind this shit back to me being at Richard Bland.

Dreams of it have been haunting me for the past week, God damn it. I wish I'd stop having them. I really do. Because it's stupid and it's just hurting me when I wake up.

I called for Mom earlier at the house, but Grandma picked up. She sounded disappointed that I was only staying four days because she thought I was staying about two weeks. Ouch. It really made me sad. Mom told me that they went grocery shopping for me, too. v.v When I get there, I'm going to call my job to see if someone can fill in for me on Wednesday so I don't have to leave until Thursday instead of Tuesday.

*sigh* I think almost my whole stay is planned out. Thursday I'm spending with my family. Friday, I'm spending with Anna and DeWayne. Saturday, me and Mom are going to the Jimmie's Chicken Shack concert. Sunday, I want to see Peggy and present her my idea. Monday is actually open, I believe. I do know I want to see around Petersburg and Colonial Heights to see how it has changed. As far as I know now, I have to leave on Tuesday morning. Ugh. I want to change this. The only reason I didn't ask for more time off is because of James.

GRR. He infuriates me.

Greatly.

God, it's hard pretending he's not an asshole.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17
lucidblur's Weblog Site • NuTang.com

NuTang is the first web site to implement PPGY Technology. This page was generated in 0.051seconds.

  Send to a friend on AIM | Set as Homepage | Bookmark Home | NuTang Collage | Terms of Service & Privacy Policy | Link to Us | Monthly Top 10s
All content � Copyright 2003-2047 NuTang.com and respective members. Contact us at NuTang[AT]gmail.com.