After a little chat with someone yesterday, I got down to doing some more reflections and had a few revelations in the process. While I can't saw it was a fun thing to do, I stumbled upon to an idea that could explain a lot of things for me. I tend to call myself stupid a lot, which is sometimes right, but I'm generally not refering to intelligence.

My idea is that intelligence and your sucesses don't necessarily have to come together. I mean, have you ever met a person with really good grades, started talking to them, realized that they couldn't carry on a decent conversation, and then sat there in sheer amazement and pondered how such a dumbass could possibly ever get the grades they do? I know I've met people like that - I'm proud to say I'm one of them. And have you ever found someone with no GPA to speak of that you could talk to for hours (because of their vast knowledge)? I'm not saying that there aren't people that combine intelligence and sucess, since I know a few myself. I'm just trying to put it out there that there are some people that don't really fit any of the molds that society has come up for us to conform to.

Now that that's off my... no... chest is too cliché. Now that that's off my (think Biology boy! Think! Think, damnit!) scapula (that's pretty opposite to the chest), I think I'll go do some more reading... but before I do, I might as well mention Cerulean Dust again.

I've done quite a bit of work on it and I'm just too lazy to type it. If you didn't know, I keep it in a little book and write a bit more every so often. That's the way I like to write - no messy webs, no structured plot - just the fluid writing that comes straight from me. I'll give no sheet of paper the grace to intervene between me, my thoughts, and my story.

Later, DS
~ If you "lock 'em up and throw away the key", where exactly do you throw the key?

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Well, I'm happier today than I was yesterday, and I guess that's partly because I finished the CD I've been working on. I called it The Faceless Memories of Dreams. It has a little bit of rock, some electronica, and a few uncatagorizeable songs. All in all, I'm proud of it, even though I screwed up on Winds of Eternity and post-editing cut the quality down (accidentally) on Memory of a Lost Friend.

If you actually want to hear it, I put links to all the songs in the second module on the left. If you don't want to download the whole thing, I'd suggest you at least listen to Mysterious Wanderer, Liquid Fear, Modulate, and/or See the Rain?. So... yeah. Get them before my servers get iced when they realize I've got music up.

Hmm... There isn't much else to blog about. I went to Tower... awhile ago... (about three days ago, I think) and got three more CDs for free thanks to my friend's ability to make me look like a sad puppy. Maybe I'll say something about her some other time.

Later, DS
~ On a box of popsicle sticks: "Warning! Do not out hands directly into box. Gently tilt the box on one side until the desired number of sticks slide out from the top. [. . .] Misuse can result in severe complications including, but not limited to: splinters [. . .]."

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I was thinking about a lot of things last night before I went to bed, but the most disturbing idea I got was someone moving away. She was joking about it earlier, but I really got to thinking of how I'd feel if she actually left. I'd be even more hopeless than I am now. Heck, this is hard to write... I'd be even more hopelessly in love, I guess. I've already declined, well, I can't say hundreds (although I'd be a more fit match for her if I had), but a good ten girls in hopes that it would work out with someone in the end. I'm afraid that if she did move, I'd keep on declining them for the same reason. I'm sure someone would ask, "Who is it?" I'd say her name. They'd ask, "What classes does she have?" I'd have to say I didn't know. They'd ask, "Why?" And I'd have to say she doesn't go to Mills... I'm pretty sure that would shock almost everyone I could say it to.

But, fortunately, that's not going to happen (at least to my knowledge). It may be hopeless, but not quite as hopeless as it could be in theory. That in itself makes me a little happier. Don't ask why, I don't know. And since I feel better for some strange, unknown reason, I'm going to keep it that way and go write poetry to make my mood even better... or, more likely, I'll read.

Later, DS
~ To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. (Thanks, Airy.)

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Temporary insanity definitely describes my life - except the insanity is by no means temporary. I've realized that life can pass you by, take you by surprise, leave you wondering why things happen... but I've come to realize that people have become far too used to their ordinary worlds to live in mine. Some people, at least, I know who my real friends are.

Well, uh... to get into less depressing life-type-stuff. I finished the basic design on my website quite some time ago and I'm too lazy to fix all the errors I've found and upload all the things I want to... Take a look if you wish, there's a little art, some poems that aren't here and... oh yeah, a story without a title.

To get back to my depression: things don't seem to be going well with someone. I can't say things are entirely as bad as I thought they were since she's taking the time to talk me out of my sadness.

More later, DS
~ From all the chances that we take, from all the choices that we've made I still believe...

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I'm confused... Although I have no reason whatsoever to suspect it, I think the girl I have a crush on still has a crush on a guy she knows from... somewhere. He probably has a crush on her too. I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner... or why I even thought of it in the first place, but it would make sense, I suppose.

In reality, I guess there are a whole lot of things that I've been overlooking that just shout that they really like eachother. His comments about her being sexy, for one... those should have been a dead give away, but I probably blinded myself from the truth on purpose. Something she said to me when I first told her I liked her should have made me realize it, too, but I was too caught up in the moment to realize she really meant it.

I'm not going to try to pry her away, no matter how much I'd like to. I'm not going to send the guy a letter with anthrax in. I'm not going to try to evicerate, mutilate, disembowel, or mangle him in any way... I'm not going to get mad at her, I won't do anything to bother her. All I'm going to do is cry.

Later, DS
~ I think I'm glad that arrow hit so close to my heart.

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Well, I'm bored. I mean really bored. I just shook up a soda can and shot it with my bow from point blank. Not only did I get all wet and sticky, but the arrow flew out and hit me in the chest (knock first, of course) and ripped off some skin. I feel like doing the exact same thing again with a flaming arrow to see what happens.

Mists of Avalon was conquered early yesterday morning, so now I'm going to start The Great Hunt. I finally went down to Borders with Casey and I spent over half of my paycheck on books. So much for getting a camera...

I guess I'm going to go play Champions of Norrath or something... maybe I'll finally finish Grandia II. Intellectual development can wait for me to finish slaying hordes of undead orcs.

Later, DS
~ An excerpt from The Great Hunt: "Suddenly he burst out laughing; it looked odd, like a rock laughing (100)."

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