People are so predictable. When you point out something bad about someone, instead of taking responsibility for what you point out -- or at least acknowledging that it's true -- they turn around and try to nail you for being a horrible person. Everyone wants to live in a world where they don't make mistakes, and they expect you to abide by this fantasy and pretend everything that ever went wrong is nonexistant. I'm sorry, world, but I'm rather fond of living in reality, and if you can't handle that you're not perfect, I'm sure as hell not going to stick around and feel the burn of that.

Here's another note: sorry doesn't always fix everything. When you apologize for something, then you do it again, apologize, then do it again, the apologies begin to lose ground. There's nothing sincere about an apology when you don't even bother to actually fix it. Keep that in mind, because some people won't always stick around through that kind of shit... sooner or later, sorry won't be enough.

In light of recent events, namely knowing that I'm pretty much on my own, not even being allowed to talk to the one person I once confided in, I feel more alone than ever before. As if to mock me, "For You" by The Calling just came on my playlist, repeating the lyrics, "No matter what, I'm there for you." Bullshit. Nobody is there for you no matter what... nobody. Keep that in mind, because as soon as you put all your trust into somebody, you'll regret it.

I'm trying to act like I'm fine... but I'm not. I really wish someone was here with me, just to drown their mind in pointless TV with me. But nobody is, and nobody will be... so I guess I should get used to it and stop bitching, right? I wanted Michael with me... but he just wants to be with his old hood friends. That's understandable, I can't expect him -- nor do I want him -- to base his life around me. Especially over spring break, when I can't go out anyways.

Things don't always turn out the right way. Lesson learned.

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I guess I should let you all in on recent events. Wednesday, Daphne, her friend Matt, Joey, and I cut 4th period. Matt Z saw us heading off so decided to come with. We got caught, Joet and Matt Z took off when security saw us, I couldn't because the security guard knew who I was, and the other Matt and Daph got caught with me. To make a long story short, we made a cover story, got put in IS (internal suspension) for a day, and didn't get in trouble with parents. Next day, they broke Daph and she bailed on the story, they called me down to bitch at me for being a lying cunt (not in those words exactly), we all got two more days of IS, and are in deep, deep shit with our parents. Mainly because we lied to them. Argh.

Anyways, I'm grounded all spring break, and then some. Until my dad feels like he can trust me again, I guess. Which will be around... never. Bah. Even when I get ungrounded, Daphne's parents have taken the liberty to blame the entire event on me, and therefore will no longer allow her to ever see me out of school. Great. I'm not allowed to see my best friend. That'll be a joy ride.

Anyways, I won't be updating all that often anymore, seeing as I really don't want to make multiple entries saying, "I'm stuck home, miserable, and bored" in as many ways as my vocabulary will allow. So, you all enjoy life and don't be bothered by my desire to burn the world down. Tah.

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Well, a lot has happened since my last update. Nothing interesting happened during the school week, so I'll pick up on Friday night. Michael and I went home with Mallory, where we hung at Flippers with Tim and Damien first, then Slick and Kody and everyone else whose names I didn't bother to remember. I left around... 11:20, I think. Got home, talked to Phillip for a little, and fell asleep.

The next day, Tiffany woke me up by calling and saying she was coming over. We did random shit until around 5 we went to the beach, where we met up with Phillip, Michael, Tim, and Damien. Tif left about an hour after they got there, but not after helping us devour a pizza.

So, I'm not sure exactly how, but the night resulted in a very nasty sand war: me and Phillip against Damien and Tim and occasionally Michael, which broke down into pretty much Phillip vs. Damien and me vs. Tim. By the time we all climbed onto a random wall so we could sit and attempt to remove the sand from our eyes, we were pretty much wearing the entire beach and had gone temporarily blind.

Then we got back to my dad's restaurant, which only ended up in a spitball war. By the end of that, we had given up on the straws and strarted chewing entire napkins straight up then spiking them at each other. And, also, I can't forget to mention the countless times Damien and Tim ran into the girl's bathroom and said, "Sorry, we're lost."

The night wasn't all good, however; my dad and not-blood-but-still-technically-brother decided that I would be better off dating Phillip, because he made a good first impression and all that. This pissed Michael off, which meant that I got lashed at. I don't think he noticed it, but he went for a hug when we were standing right in front of my dad (you know, that overprotective guy who picks at every chance he gets to shoot me down? Yeah, him) so naturally, I was all, "No." Seeing as Michael was already pissy, being told no wasn't something he appreciated, which resulted in him shoving me off and killing my shoulder that had already started to hurt again from when I fell into a hole and pushed myself up with that arm.

That got me thinking how often that happens: whenever he gets mad, I get hurt (generally its emotionally, but this time it was physically too). So, that being said, we got into a fight that eventually died down to a discussion moreso than a fight, then my sister walks in

Her: Is that Michael?
Me: Yes.
Her: You two have been arguing a lot lately.
Me: ...Yes.

So I repeated that to Michael; normally, couples fighting, not a big deal. But I don't fight over stupid things (ex, omg, you were TOTALLY checking that girl out!). Honestly I don't fight about much, only shit that actually really matters to me. So, considering this, the fact that we were getting into so many fights was actually pretty bad.

Me: Do you think it's worth it?
Him: What?
Me: The constant arguing -- is it worth staying together?
Him: Honestly?
Me: ...Yes, honestly. (At that point I was like, uh, no, I asked you so you could lie to me. Brilliant.)
Him: Not right now, no.
Me: So... that's it?
Him: I don't want it to be.

So, talktalktalk, we eventually agreed that I'm not going to stand for being abused when he's angry (especially if I'm actually trying to help him, which has happened on multiple occasions), because it'll just result in an argument, and there's no point to being together if the arguing is going to outnumber the "good times."

We're still together, but I guess we're on thin ice or something. I was talking to Phillip about it, and he was all, "People don't change." Which only voiced the thoughts I had been having, so really I don't feel so good about this. But oh well, I guess we can only hope for the best.

I didn't go to school today on account of my sickness and the fact I didn't feel like failing an AP Human Geography test, so I'm going to go continue laying down doing nothing until my brain rots.

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