i cried and i cried and i cried.sometimes,i really hate myself for being so sensitive.i hate myself for being able to feel how others feel so easily and able to detect feelings so easily.i hate myself for being so 'understanding'.

someone can just sit beside me quietly,and i'll be there to destroy the peace.i'll start guessing his thoughts,his feelings and cruelly take his mask away;make him cry,make him sad and make him face what he has been hiding and avoiding.and i'll be there to watch him cry......

a friend could sit beside me and start crying sadly.minutes later,i would go away as far as i could,for i know i'll be crying next if she don't stop.people around me affect me greatly,for i might be happy when they are happy but i'll be sad when they are sad,even when it's none of my business......

i always guess their feelings through their expressions and actions and sometimes,from their stories,and the sad part is that my first guess is mostly right.and that means they can't hide much from me......

they told me it's a good thing,for they need not hide anything from me,a more relaxed feeling.and they can always find me to be their listener,for without much words,i could pretty much guess what happened,and without much tears,we'll be sitting down thinking of solutions or having me to comfort them......

but i dislike it.i am just crying too easily,making my eyes swollen and red when what happen is far from my business.no matter what i do,i am always ending up crying,unless i force myself hard not to cry.and i guess this is pretty much my fault for i am always poking into other's problems(which is totally uncontrollable).and because i am always there to make them face the unwanted reality without them offending me... ... ... ...

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stars means a different thing to everyone.some people like stars very much, while others think that there is no big deal about stars.

to her,stars are just gases in the universe,nothing special about it.

to him,some stars are little planets that scientists has been working on.

to her, stars represent lives.her grandmother once told her that when a star fall from the sky, it means that someone has just pass away... ...

to him,stars represent his dreams.since young,he has been in bad health condition.as a result,his dream of being an basketball player became so unreachable... like stars up in the sky.

to her, stars mean promises.for her first love promised to give her a star from the sky on their first anniversary... ...

to him,stars represent hopes.he read from a book about a story of a girl who wished upon a star and later on,her wish came true.so he hope that his wishes could come true.

to you,what does star means??

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i came across a label today and i couldn't help but laugh at it after i read the label.

it was on a drink and it says 'not so sweet'.

it can be easily understandable that it was trying to say that the drink is not so sweet.but who can really determine how sweet is sweet??

to some,1 teasppon of sugar is sweet, but to another,maybe 5 teaspoon of sugar is still bland.with the label 'not so sweet', how do we know if the drink is really not so sweet or is it very very sweet??

i drank the drink.it was pretty bland to me,but to my mother,it was pretty sweet.

so who can really determine sweet?and with such a cute label,who knows if it is really a not so sweet drink or a very very sweet drink?

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what really are friends??

they said they are friends, yet they fight with each other over things like two ferocious tigers... ...

they said they are friends, yet they tried all kinds of ways to get each other into serious troubles... ...

they said they are friends,yet they betrayed each other in time of needs... ...

they said they are friends,yet they never seems to be happy when they are together... ...

they said they are friends, yet they are always bad-mouthing about each other behind their backs... ...

what are friends??

they told me they are not friends, yet they were able to appear and help each other in time of needs... ...

they told me they are not friends, yet they are always considering about each other's needs... ...

they told me they are not friends, yet they could joke and have fun together, as though they have known each other for years... ...

what really are friends??

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(this is a poem i heard from a cartoon called 'as told by ginger'.i think this is nice, so i had it in here)

she chose to walk alone
though others wondered why
refused to look before her
kept eyes cast upwards
towards the sky.

she didn't have companions
no need for earthly things
only wanted freedom
from what she felt were
puppet strings.

she longed to be a bird
that she might fly away
she pitied every blade of grass
for planted they would stay

she longed to be a flame
that bringly danced alone
felt jealous of the steam
that made the air its only home.

some say she wished too hard
some say she wished too long
but we awake one autumn day
to find that she was gone.

some say she wished too hard
some say she wished too long
but we awake one autumn day
to find that she was gone.

the trees, they say stood witness
the sky refused to tell
but someone who had seen it said
the story played out well.

she spread her arms out wide
breathed in the break of dawn
she just let go of all she held... ..

and then she was gone.

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28 Dec

He stared blankly, as the cigarette slowly burns its way to the end of the stick. He smiled weakly, though tears are flowing down his cheeks every now and then. He lost something, something visible, and something invisible. The blue eyes of his no longer smile like they used to and his thoughts keep running back into the past so that he could constantly look at that something he lost.

*****

24 Dec

It was Christmas Eve. Both of them were on the roof of a high rise building. She was standing on the edge of a roof, saying some words to him in an angry tone. She blamed him for spending very little time with her the last few weeks, though she somehow knew that he was not intentional. She also said that she hated him, for he always wasn¡¯t there when she needs him the last few weeks. Then she turned around.

She saw his worried face, and instantly, she knew how much she meant to him. She knew he was going to break down very soon, if she still wouldn¡¯t step down from the edge after his much persuasion. And that was also what¡¯s in his mind; he kept making himself to not think of the worst, and that she would step down after he explained everything to her.

She thought, maybe her joke was too much. It was only a Christmas joke she intended to play on him, not to make him break down. So as soon as he finished explaining, she squatted down and showed him a broad smile. At once, he knew what was going on.

Despite the fact that he already realized it was a joke, he still looked restless. He scared that accidents might happen, so he kept asking her to come down first. But she was stubborn. She said she wanted to see her Christmas present first, since he said that he has been working on her Christmas present the last few weeks.


Carefully, he handed a medium- sized box to her. She was touched to tears when she saw what was inside. It was a love made of tiny pieces of glass with a tiny light under that made the heart shines beautifully as the light refracts through the glass. The whole piece of art was being framed in a transparent plastic box to prevent the glass from cutting any fingers. He spent weeks to make it and there were plasters all over his fingers to hide the cuts he suffered while making the star.

She was so happy she wanted to hug him immediately. But at that very moment, she slipped.

He caught her hands just in time and tried to pull her up. She struggled to keep herself alive too, for she doesn't want to die. He was struggling to pull her up as his energy is draining away every second. He knew he was not going to hold on much longer, but they both did not want to give up.

And so, the very moment came when he could not hold on much longer. Her hands slipped and she fell. Both of them were staring at each other when she falls. They both were reading each other¡¯s lips. Both of them said ¡®I loved you¡¯. They were tears on their faces, and seconds later, they lost each other.

****

28 Dec


He could still remember her face. She was smiling when she fell, although there were tears on her face. He understood her smile. He knew she was laughing at herself for being foolish to play such a joke on him, which made her pay such a big price to learn a lesson like this.


He keeps blaming himself. If he was a little stronger, if he was a little better, if he was a little more careful, then she would be safe, playing by his side this very moment now. Only he could felt the helplessness when he saw his loved one die in front of him yet could do nothing.


He keep lighting the cigarettes one after another, leaving the empty boxes and cigarette ashes everywhere on the floor.


*****

29 Dec

The last day of her funeral.

The day she is being buried.

He lost his love, his soul, his heart and his lover.

He lost his world

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