lavenderblues's Weblog Site • NuTang.com

listening to: anywhere for you - bsb
mood: hopeful

so i think my mind and my feelings and always been working against eachother. in the past, it's always been my feelings that i listen to. it really is true. sometimes i just shut my brain off and feel and i dont care if it doesnt make sense or if its gonna screw things up, because it just feels good or feels right and thats all the affirmation i need for things. like when i got together with nina.. she was all thinking about it.. what would happen.. how it would be.. and i told her to stop thinking about it, that it didnt matter, all that mattered was how we felt about eachother. so i've always been one to go with my feelings.. and i mean.. it's gotten me hurt, and it's caused me to hurt other people. and there's always repercussions and confusion. so i've tried thinking more, about what would make me happy, and i've done things to try and be happy. but i'm not happy. when i think about the times that i've been most happy, i know 100% when they were. when i think about happy, i think about one thing. and yeah, everything is going to be a struggle, nothing is perfect, nothing comes easy... but that's when you gotta stick with it and make it better. i'm not happy right now, at the end of the day, i'm not happy. there can be times when i think i am, but when that's gone, when i'm alone, there's something missing. and that something missing is what can make me happy. and i think i'm better off than a lot of people, because i know what it is. and its just right there, it's just within my grasp. and i want it, i want it back again.

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listening to: gunning down romance - savage garden
mood: sleeeeeepy

its AM so.. MOMMY AND DADDY ARE COMING TO VISIT TODAY! YAAAAAAY! :-D Dad was all like, she's coming home in a week, why don't we wait? And my mom was like noooo! I'm pathetic! I need to see my girly! I agreed with mommy. *nods* BESIDES dad has to fix my cable and my bed *insert halo here*

im getting sick of dropping things below my bed. since i have the two beds pushed together and one is higher than the other, theres a gap where stuff falls between the beds and then its a bitch to get out cuz then i gotta crawl under the low one. mary fell down there last night, and tonight fell my vcr remote and some chocolate. stupid thing. looking forward to getting my bed lowered. i told dad to bring a hammer, he didn't seem to keen on the idea. *halo*

i watched Labyrinth tonight *grin* SUCH a good movie :-D hehe. it's good stuff! i was kind of disgruntled tonight.. i had a headache and i was tired and i just wanted to lay in bed in the dark and quiet, watch labyrinth and go to sleep (during or after the movie, whatever worked) and i'm in the middle of the movie and the phone rings.. i know who it is.. i dont wanna answer, my headache was finally gone, i dont wanna talk to anyone and have it come back, and im trying to fall asleep here. so the phone rings again... and again can we say grr?? so then i go online and i've got messages.. i hope your headache is better it was until the phone kept ringing! grrr. cuz ya know my away message that said "sleepy, headache, movie and bed" really means keep calling me! so i left that and got no response and went back to the movie and bed. then the phone rings again. have a headache. not too thrilled. shut off the ringer. then the cell phone starts ringing. JUST MAKE IT STOP *sigh* teresa and pete thought i was being a little bitchy... but if someone's tired, has a headache and is in bed watching a movie... i wouldnt keep calling.

the people left my common room, thats good, cuz i only wanted to go to sleep 4 hours ago. :-p stupid. its not like im gonna go out and ask the 10 people to leave or anything, just kinda.. blah.. go away people. but they are now, so i should get my tooshy to bed soon.

my mom is rad "i know better than to call you before noon, i'm not cruel"

teresa was impressed that i'd gotten homework done tonight. i did my legal studies so now i just have studying to do. my plan is tomorrow afternoon/night - get a good portion of finance studied. Then I'm going to start the economics homework which is due Tuesday. then work on Finance more. I dunno when we're gonna do the stats lab. I'm not really looking forward to that. I told Danielle i figured I could show them how to do it and then we can all do a part and then put it together and Danielle was all like, well it shouldnt take too long, i dont see why we cant just do it all together... cuz it's gonna be ME doing it all and YOU sitting there WATCHING ME.. THATS WHY. i have no idea what any of this stuff is no shit, maybe if you weren't writing notes to liz or doodling through class you'd catch something! it's not hard!

am i being bitchy? i'm sorry, people just piss me the fuck off.

i bought some books off half.com today. The Bfg - Roald Dahl, The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle - Avi, The Cay - Theodore Taylor. I almost bought James & The Giant Peach too, but I decided not to. I tried using my borders gift card to buy shit, but it was just not working for me, so i went and got it cheaper (not counting free as cheaper) at half. should be cool :) i love kids books. i had them shipped to orange so i don't have to wait as long cuz they'll probably get there around when i start spring break and i'd have to wait till after break to get em here or just wait in general cuz the PO sucks. uuuh i can say that since i have friends that work there? :)

i cleaned my room tonight. *smiles* go me!

*yawn*

i wanna read harry potter again. i still need to finish girl, interrupted. maybe i should take a HP book home for break. just in case the books take a while to get there and i finish that one and i wanna read.. good fun.

me thinks its just about nuh nite times,

i posted lots of good time wasting fun junk over at my livejournal

lover i don't have to love by bright eyes is a good song. i like the fact that he says
I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk

*yawn*

okay.. me things its DEFINATELY nuh nite times now.

bye bye peoples *waves cutely*

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