Below is a true story... regardless of how weird it sounds.

Last year in the beginning of August I prayed to God to get me a date for my birthday. And God delivered. I met someone online who I have to say gave me thus far one of the best dates of my life. It's just a pity that whatever relationship developed went sour rather quickly due to his deceit and my lack of wanting to be an ignorant participant.

Then this year, in about January I asked God to get me someone else for me, but before my birthday. I asked for March, but that didn't happen. April, May, June, July, all came with no results. So now it's August, and yesterday being the fact that I was already in the city, I went to one of my favorite karaoke spots. At this point it's four days til my birthday and God had yet to deliver, but that wasn't on my mind at all. The only thing in my head was my birthday is in 4 days and I turn 30. Let's just have some fun. So I take a seat at the bar. I'm sitting between two guys and thus far speak to neither of them. I put my requests in and ordered dinner, on the occasion singing along with whatever song was chosen that I know.

Not too long after, an old friend of mine, Matt, from another karaoke location shows up and he takes a seat to my right. We're now chatting having a great time, and the guy at my left starts talking to the both of us. I can't remember his name. Now all three of us are chatting, and on occasion, the guy that was initially to my right, Aaron is now talking to my friend. This goes on for a while until my request comes up, and I sing. After I finished my song, I was complimented by all three men. Now I get into a conversation with Aaron about music, and Matt is having a conversation with the guy to my left (can't remember his name). I think the second that guy found out Matt was gay, he zeroed in on Matt. He annoyed Matt so much that Matt decided to leave. I ended up staying talking to Aaron, who at this point he and I were getting into some decent conversation about turning 30 (which he was going to do a month after myself).

He started taking his fingers and rubbed them against my hand, and then not too long after, he took my hand. I didn't mind, since I thought he was cute. He asked if we could hang out a little after karaoke was over. I said "ok", and so when everything was done, he took me on a little walk and in a secluded street, he kissed me. Ok, I wasn't expecting this. By this time it was 2AM and he invited me back to his place. I knew where this was going and told him I couldn't, that I had things I had to do. He was ok about it, but kept kissing me.

He eventually walked me to the train station, to my platform and I gave him my card. I figured if he seriously wanted me, he'd call. Otherwise I'm just going to do what I planned on doing in the first place and be done with it.

But I've got a feeling I'm going to be getting a call from him in the near future...

God does provide... sometimes in the most unexpected ways.

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In 4 days, on August 30th, I turn 30. I don't know how I feel about it.

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I am going through another challenge...

The event: I was just told the temp assignment I'm currently @ is over. Today is my last day and I'm going to have to go on standby again.

What I'm feeling: Sad that it's ending. Fear because it means I don't know from one day to the next if I'm going to be making the kind of money I need to to cover rent, if I get anything @ all.

What I'm thinking: This gives me an opportunity to be available for better paying jobs. And I'm already booked up for Sept. 1st and 5th, and they pay $1 more per hour.

What else am I sensing: After I got the email from universal music saying that they're making a decision on who they're hiring, and the fact that I wasn't given the opportunity to meet with the management, like I was requested the first day, I feel strange. I don't think this is the end of that situation, and to be honest, I really strongly feel that I will be called back for a meeting and I will be hired there.

So what now: Do what I was doing before; hustle. In the meantime maybe this is a good time for me to finally ebay all that stuff I had intented to sell out of the house. Maybe this is also giving me the opportunity to take the day off for my birthday (next wednesday- I turn 30). You know, it might not be as bad as I thought. At least I have enough from this payroll and last to pay for rent.

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What you're looking at is the most expensive home in the world on the market. It's worth $139 million and is presently unlived-in. It has 103 rooms, 5 swimming pools, 50 seat screening room, bowling alley, squash court, and tennis court. It has a heated marble driveway and 24K gold leafing on the library floor.

WHAT?!?

Outside of the fact that even on the outside, visually it's stunning, can you imagine living in there. *sigh* Now that's my kind of house!

How about some place a little more tropical?


And this is just the view from the deck.

This property is located at the Turks and Caicos. 13 acres.

This one is on Lyford Cay Beach


This one is in the Bahamas.


Parrot Point - Sugar Loaf Cay


Caves Point...

Enough with this... I have to head to lunch.

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Yesterday brought me to a set of challenging events that I am very happy to say, I conquered. Here's what happened.

On my way home yesterday there was a track fire at the subway station ahead of us, so everyone was told to get out of the train and that it was going to head back to Manhattan. I was hoping to get home as quickly as possible to go for my run, but with this delay, I wasn't too sure if that was going to happen.

We were all suck in Long Island City, which, if you don't know, it a warehouse neighborhood, so not the most well populated of areas. It's also rather far from where I live. Thankfully it was still light out, so I wasn't too concerned. The tolken booth clerk however wasn't in the best shape. I tried asking for a bus map (FYI: whenever you are lost in a borough, don't ask for a train map, always ask for a bus map b/c it will give you a map of the borough you're in- as well as the subway stops). The clerk was in assumption mode since there was a mob of people behind me that were pushing to get a transit pass so they can get a free transfer to the nearest subway station. He had yelled at me before I was able to tell him I didn't want a transfer, but that I wanted a map. I even used the book I had in my hand and wrote "I just want a bus map", which he glanced at, but didn't respond to. It wasn't until he let several people bypass me that I yelled at him in the booth "I DON'T WANT A TRANSFER, I JUST WANT A BUS MAP!", he didn't bother looking up at me, just gave me my map and I headed out of the station.

While I was looking @ the map, I followed it, got lost of a second, then got my bearings. During which I actually fell on to my side (there was a rather large hole in the sidewalk), but someone helped me up. Did I mention I was wearing white pants? So here I am walking in this desolate neighborhood to the bus that will take me straight to my neighborhood, and as I was getting witin eyeshot, I saw my bus leave. I wasn't going to run through that traffic because I value my life (it meant having to run pass the entrance ramp to a highway- not happening). So I decided to take my time crossing so I wouldn't get killed and just head to the bus stop.

When I finally got on the bus, it was after 7PM. I knew that the bus would take about an hour to take me home. So I slept. By the time I came to, it was after 8 and I was losing sunlight, which wasn't a good thing bc I really wanted to go running @ the track, and since it's the summer, the lights aren't on @ the track at night, which means running in the dark; alone.

Oh, and did I mention my period started that day, and yeah, I was wearing white???

Now with all of this, you would figure I'd be pissed right? You might not believe this, but I was laughing about it the entire way through. Even the fall with my white pants that were just washed. I wasn't angry. About the only thing that got me annoyed was the token booth clerk issue, but otherwise, I was smiling and laughing. I wasn't forcing myself to do it either. I just saw the humor in the situation. And despite the fact that it was dark, I went running anyway, and had a good run too. It ended a bit later than I hoped, but I was still able to get the more important stuff done.

It really dawned on me this morning on my way to work however, how much of an achievement that was for me to not get angry, but instead be not only calm, but even enjoying the situation. I wasn't on any drugs, I didn't have anyone with me, I wasn't even on my cell with anyone at all. It was just me, working on getting from point A to point B. There's a lot of power in that, and I'm happy to say, I was able to get through it with a smile and a laugh (rather than pulling my hair out).

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I read a response to something I posted in one of my blogs this morning that started getting me angry. I started sensing my blood boiling, and then I instantly shot into my brain "that's your ego talking Jan, drop the ego". So I read the remainder of it like a textbook. A lot of it had stated opinion as fact, but later clarified that it was fact in the writer's eyes. In other words, it was still their opinion.

The whole thing got me thinking... does it really matter what your friends think of you? In truth what anybody thinks of you is really their own opinion that they carry. There's no truth in it and it's only based on observations, which are bias anyway.

Some of you might think that these people are your friends or loved ones. So the way they see you should matter to you. Actually I have to highly disagree with you.

I mentioned in the last sentence in the 2 paragraph that observations are bias. They are. They are not based from a clean slate. They are made in conjunction with personal beliefs, exeriences, and personal fear. Most people tell you that to become a millionaire, you have to graduate college. Actually that's a farce. 7 out of the 20 most richest people in the world did not graduate college, including the man that heads the list himself Bill Gates. Don't believe me? Go to Forbes.com. In the top 10 there are two college dropouts. #10 himself didn't even graduate high school!

I'm not telling you to drop out of school, so don't even go there.
(like I really need some irrate parent flaming me over their child dropping out because of this post)

What I'm saying is opinions are bias. Don't buy into it. If you really want to find out something, you do your research. If you really want to achieve something and someone tells you it's impossible, prove them wrong. Every major development in history has been made by people who were told it wasn't possible. Ford, Franklin, the Wright Brothers, Edison,...

The toughest part of all this isn't the actual doing and achiving of your goal. That's the easy part. The hardest part is not allowing your own ego to get in the way. An ego reaction is so automatic that it's second nature and the majority of us have never been told that it was a bad thing. Ego tells us we're either too good, or not good enough, regardless of the reason, it's self defeating. Opportunity works best when ego is not in the way.

Let's think about this. If you get an idea to invent something, but you don't want to develop it because you don't think you have the smarts to make it happen, that's your ego working. Let's take the polar opposite. If you get an invite to go to a party, but you know that the people that are going to be there aren't as smart as you, or as worldly, or they are in a lower financial bracket, or not as well maintained, and therefore you automatically think you're going to have a miserable time, that's your ego working. Any label that measures the value of you over or under anything is ego at work. Not saying you shouldn't respect yourself, or be proud of yourself, or even value yourself. These are very important. The thing is you should never deem your self worth compared to levels that are illusionary.

So going back to where all this started. I told myself my ego was what was making me angry. And that whatever that other person wrote was what they carried. It neither values or devalues what's inside of me and what I carry with me. I can still write, I can still breath, I can still walk, and I can still do what I do best. It didn't damage me, just challenged me, and I did the right thing by dropping my ego.

It'll take continual work, but I'll get through it.

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