There never seems to be
Because what I believe
A moment I'm not trying
To show them who I am
Why can't they understand
The things that they're denying
They're denying...

So what should I do?
Just lay next to you
As though I'm unaffected
And who should I be
When they're judging me
As though I'm unaffected

So what should I do? I'm not unaffected. Well, another extremely uneventful day really. I got up late, as usual. Watched tv and washed some dishes. Went to my grandparents house to pick up my brother. My granddad was coming back from Emporia, my grandma called him to see where he was at. So I got home with my brother and my granddad pulled up like 10 minutes later. We went to the vet to get his dog Schatzi, a rottweiler. She is pretty big and she couldn't jump into the back of the truck because she broke one of her legs. So after that, we got back home.

Well tennis is on for Saturday. Still don't know if Sarah is gonna come. It'll prolly take a miracle now for it to happen. Ugh. I really wanted her to come, but alas I had no way to contact her and nobody who really talks to her on a regular basis to ask her. Well, what can you do about that? Not much I'm afraid.

Oh yeah, I didn't even mention this in my last entry. For those of you who haven't noticed (which means you are obviously blind,stupid, or stumbled across my blog and are new), I redid the picture at the top of my blog. Each symbol represented something. Like the unreal logo because, well, I play unreal. The ODU logo because I go to school there. The defcon badge and knoppix std logo for the new hacker side of me. The RIAA/MPAA thing for my blatant disregard for following the rules, such as pirating music, software, and movies. Of course, the last one is hoobastank because I like their stuff, saw their show, and I use their lyrics all the time in my blog.

Time to go. Stuff to do tomorrow.

So what should i do?
I'm not unaffected
And who should i be?
I'm not unaffected
Unaffected.....

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My state currently is hopeful. Hoping things go the way I'd like. Its been kinda boring around here lately, especially after last week being pretty nice. I've been sticking close to home and not doing too much this week. Nothing exciting, nothing out of the ordinary. Hopefully this tennis gathering will work out too. So I guess the verdict is we're shooting for 3 pm Saturday. Tallying up the people, we've got Twyla, Heather, Chris, Drew (I guess), and I. Sarah hasn't said anything. So either I'm gonna hafta bug Twy to ask her again or I'll have to come up there and see what the deal is.I hate to bug Twy with it, but I'd hate to have to make a random trip up just to ask her, especially if I head back up that direction on Saturday. Gas is so damn expensive. It's like almost 2 bucks for the regular. Ridiculous.

I'm in a bit of a situation right now. Its a little confusing, but it'll get sorted out eventually one way or another. Things will work out for the best. I'm lucky like that.

And the reason is you...

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Yes, apparently Scottie is smitten with a certain someone. Which is a bit of a predicament, seeing as though I'm kinda in a relationship and so is she. Right now, I'm not sure what is going on. Like I said before, I'm not afraid to let it out. Sarah. She's a nice girl, we get along very well, fun to be around, attractive, and I feel that I could just talk to her about anything. It's just intriguing. I hadn't seen her since probably june of last year. Then I go to the final regular season tennis match for the ARGS girls and there she is. That surprise smile on her face when she saw me there, like I was missed by her. I can't begin to describe that feeling.

Ever since then, I can't seem to stop thinking about it. Every moment I could be around her, I was. We talked for hours on a Wednesday when I visited ARGS. Twyla said that she could see I liked her just by the way I was talking and acting. Good eye Twy, maybe its because I do like her. There are certain people who I would do anything for. Not a lot of people, but a very select few. I think she is in that group alongside my closest friends and family. That really says a lot. I know something may never happen between Sarah and I, but I'd never rule it out of the question. Because:

You make me...feel...lucky as I can be

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No, I wanna wait for someone like you
No, I wanna wait for someone like you
To make my life so dynomite
Turn the dark life into light
Make my world so shiny bright
Make my life so dynomite

You've got me burnin' both ways
Got me burnin' all day
Ima explode!

Another exciting day of doing absolutely nothing. I swear, something has got to give. Guess I'll just wait until its time for camp. June 11th. Then this blog won't be updated til August 15th. Unless I hit an internet cafe up there.

I didn't think that organizing a tennis get together with some people would be so difficult. Times, places, transportation, weather, and who is coming. Well I know Chris is in if he can hitch a ride, Twyla is in, Heather is in. Now Twy brought up Drew, so who knows. Sarah is a maybe at this point. I hope she comes, that'd be good. We talked for a good while last week. She even missed a class to talk with me and we also went to see Tyler at his work. He's hilarious about that place, "whore badge of honor" is all I have to say. Don't know about it? Ask Tyler. Then I also went to the districts tennis and hung out. So its been good times with her around.

Well, we'll get this stuff figured out. If we don't, then...

Ima explode!

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Before, I couldn't get a break
Never had a chance to make
The impressions I want to
But now, it falls right into place
When I get to see your face
Then there's nothing that I can do
You make me...feel...lucky as I can be

I've come to some realizations over the past few days. All the people I have around me: friends, family, and even some people I never got a good chance to know but recently showed up out of nowhere. These people really do make me feel as lucky as I can be. There is this one person who I knew only slightly. Now it makes me happy whenever I see her. Yes, I said her. Fun person and nice to talk to. Very beautiful girl. So its all good.

So I went on a rant about people talkin prom. I did something similar to that on Nutang a few months ago. I didn't get a chance to talk about what went on Saturday. So here goes. I woke up at about 7:15 on a Saturday morning. That just isn't right. Not only that, but went about 3 and a half hours up to Harrisonburg to check out Camp Horizons. They had a open house and I decided to go. Got an individual tour of the camp with Kenny and this girl from England. The camp was very nice and so were the people. Seems like its gonna be a good summer.

This coming up weekend, the 22nd of May, some of us are going to go play tennis at Prince George High School. Should be fun. I'm tryin to get some more people to come as well, hopefully Sarah and some other people maybe.

Yep, I'm lucky as I can be.

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Well, the prom for ARGS is tonight. Everyone has been talking about it: at the tennis matches, in their blogs, etc. Guess they're havin fun tonight. Prom for me was one bad night. Worked up the courage to ask this girl I had a big thing for, she said yes. I was feelin good that day. She calls back the next day, informing me that her family was going to Florida that weekend.

That was the biggest disappointment ever.

After that ordeal, it was pretty much too late to ask anyone else. It would be such short notice. I don't think I had anything left to ask anyone else anyways. I already rented the tux and what not. I went anyways. That night hurt so much. It wasn't how it was supposed to be. I covered up that hurt by putting on a show, acting sorta stupid for lack of a better word. That was the first night I felt really alone. That was the night I figured out I wasn't like everybody else. It was a long ride home, lots of time to think. It's true, prom night is a night you'll always remember. They never said whether it would be good or not. I know, I'm being an ass. Here are some more Hoobastank lyrics to "Let it Out" to let you know why.

I'm not afraid to let it out
I'm gonna show you how I feel
I'm not afraid to let it out
Who cares if you don't like it

Thats it for now.

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