All guys are assholes. Its just to what extent. At this particular point in time, my accusation is towards one guy in particular. He came over on Monday or Wednesday, I'm not really sure exactly which day it was. That was the last I saw him. Now, I'm okay with going a few days without seeing the guy I'm supposedly dating, but I also haven't talked to him since that day either. I wasn't expecting to talk to him all the time, but at least maybe once a day at the least.

I've sent him text messages and I've called him a few times, but nothing. No return texts, no return calls. Nada. I'm done with trying. I'm not going to call him anymore. I'm not going to text him either. If he wants to talk to me, then he'll make the effort to contact me. At this point I'm not even sure if I want to talk to him. I'll get over it, but if he expects me to forget it and go back to being the way we were, its not going to happen.

Its things like this that keep me from feeling bad about having Stuart come over. It keeps me from feeling bad about not wanting to take off my shirt so as the marks Stuart left on me are not seen. Who cares at this point? But now, I'm not sure when I'm going to see Stuart again. He's not answering my texts right now either, but he's a lot busier than Justin. He also doesn't ususally answer them until later in the night anyway. I guess I'll try again in a couple hours.

Gah! I'm so pissed at guys right now. David is the third guy in this 'situation,' but I don't expect much from him. So its easier. I guess I don't really expect much from Stuart either, but I have my hopes up about seeing him more often then I do David.

So much for hoping that I'd have an enjoyable last month in this Godforsaken town.

Fuck.

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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There are three guys that I want to see right now.

One more so than the other two.

I won't be seeing either of them tonight.

Instead, I'll be alone.

I guess tonight won't be any different than any other night I spend alone ...

Except today I spent three of the best hours of my 2 years in Tucson with the one guy I've wanted the whole time I've lived here. And I didn't want it to end. . .

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I'm thinking about joining another blogging community. Don't get me wrong, I don't intend on leaving Nutang at all. I still plan on keeping this as my main blogging site, but I kind of want to broaden my horizons.

I've heard of Xanga, Facebook and LiveJournal. I already have a myspace, but I don't blog on it. I'm not even sure why I still have a myspace. But that's not the point of this entry.

I'm strongly considering joining another blogging site just to bitch about certain things. To put my more private stuff. I dunno.

I'll make my decision over the next couple days.

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Have you ever had a time when you wanted to write something, but couldn't think of a single thing to write about?

Whether its an online journal/blog or physically writing something down on paper, there have been times when I wanted to write, but couldn't think of anything to write.

I'm having one of those moments right now. I don't really feel like writing a blog entry {although it appears that one is forming as I type}, but I really want to write something down. Like on paper. I have no idea what though.

I had that problem last night. I wrote down 2 pages worth of just random thoughts and feelings, but then ran out of things to say. I still wanted to write though. Eventually I gave up and put the notebook away, but I'm still wanting to write.

Meh.

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I feel alone again. I just don't feel like I'm in a relationship anymore. I haven't actually talked to Justin since the last time he was here ... last Wednesday. We exchanged a few texts on Thursday and then again on Sunday, but other than that, nothing.

He's not answering my texts and he's not answering my calls or returning them. I have a strong feeling he's ignoring me. That he's doing this on purpose.

It makes me wonder why. Why is he doing this? Is it because he's found someone else? Is he mad at me? Did he find out about Stuart? I want to know why he's not bothering to even say hi.

I knew that our relationship wasn't going to last long, but I was hoping it would last up until I moved. I guess I was hoping for too much.

Why is it whenever I try to think positive, it falters? I've never really been an optimistic person, but its things like this that keep me from being positive about things.

I don't even know what to say anymore. I just wish something would happen to confirm my uneasy feeling or to prove it wrong and unnecessary.

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