I'm going up to Towson this weekend to see my girlfriend (she has a nutang site..her handle is GooseGirl..you should check it out). Once college begins, I don't see her at all during the week so I really look forward to the weekends when I can make it up there. My goal is to leave around 1pm today and be home by 5ish on Sunday afternoon. The fact that I'm typing this at work right now makes it all the sweeter. I'm technically getting paid to write this entry. Isn't that just delicious?



Other than Towson, there hasn't been a whole lot to look forward to recently. College, work, and homework have pretty much been eating up all of my time. However, I am proud to say that I have actually skimmed a textbook or two. Reading them word for word is, and always will be beneath me. Like I said in an earlier entry, FUCK TEXTBOOKS!!!



One last thing. I realized that I haven't been summarizing my entries like I said I would. I know you must all be extremely disappointed in me...maybe even a little heartbroken. Do not fret...I will do it this time. So, in conclusion:



*I'm going to Towson this weekend

*I'm looking forward to it

*I have little if any free time during the week

*Fuck textbooks....AGAIN!!! (whoopi goldberg's voice)

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So yesterday it rained its' ass off here in Maryland. I had the displeasure of driving to school in all of the rainy goodness. It was one of those days where you could barely see the vehicle in front of you. So anyway, after I took my sweet time motoring to campus...I pulled into a parking space...turned off the ignition...and just sat there. After sitting for about 15 minutes, I realize that the time will come when I have to get out of this car. Luckily for me, I DID have a small umbrella. Unluckily for me, it was in my trunk. I devised a devious plot to rush out the door...pop the trunk...grab my umbrella...and open my umbrella in one quick motion to avoid maximum saturation. My plot was foiled, however, when I realized the instant I got out of the car...it wasn't your typical everyday rain. It was as if King Neptune himself was smiting me down with all of the earth's oceans. The fact that the rain was coming down at a weird, almost horizontal angle seemed to negate most of the protection that my umbrella could offer me. At this point, I pretty much said "fuck it" and started walking as fast as I could toward the building that housed my class. It was some time between me saying "fuck it" and me hulling ass toward my class that I realized that UMBC was the puddle capitol of the world. It wasn't even like these puddles were sporadically placed...the entire parking lot and sidewalk was one big puddle. The sidewalk was fucking flowing. I'm talking about the kind of flowage that would cause a salmon to say "Damn, I'm not migrating up this bitch." So after purchasing a scuba tank and suiting up..I finally made it into the building. I made my way across the "caution wet floor" and went down some steps. About ten minutes later, our teacher shows up and tells us that we have changed classrooms for the day. I bet you can't guess where this new destination was located...that's right...back outside...across more campus. It wasn't really that bad by this point though. The rain had slowed down to a light sprinkle...I made it to class...didn't slip...and I didn't even see Noah's arc...not even once. So all in all...I guess it was more amusing than annoying.

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To anyone who reads my attempts at poems...please leave me some feedback if you have time. Do not be afraid to be honest...I will not take offense...I know they are nothing special....I'm just curious to see if anyone is a fan of them...I have several more that I've written over the years. If enough people find them worth their while...I'll post some more...maybe even write something new. Please let me know...and thanks a lot!!!

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With the start of college...comes an array of various reading assignments...mainly out of textbooks. Now I don't know about the rest of you, but there isn't much in this world that I despise more than reading a textbook. In fact, here is a small list of things that I would rather do:



*shave my entire body with a cactus

*be slowly lowered into a tank of piranha

*watch the "Real World" (if you know me, that's fucking saying something)

*give myself a 6 inch papercut

*eat an entire jar of mayonaise...at once

*slit my wrists and seal the wounds with iodine



Am I exaggerating? Perhaps a little...but damn...I just really do not enjoy your typical college textbook. In my opinion as a college student...I am paying (well, my parents are paying) to go to class and to be taught. If i wanted to learn from a textbook...I could just go out and buy that shit on my own and never go to a single class. The professors are being paid so they can teach us...not so they can let a book do their job for them. Imagine if people in other professions could get away with that...Like if an auto mechanic said "Well..I could fix your car for you...but here's a book...you'll find everything you need in here." Or if your house is on fire and the firefighters show up and say "I'm kinda busy...this book will tell you everything you need to know about dousing flames." I mean come on...if everyone else has to do their jobs...professors should stop making us invest everything we own in textbooks that we will sell back the very next year at a quarter of the price that we paid for them.



The reason I'm even bringing any of this up is because...like I said earlier...college started last week. I have a great deal of textbook reading...and quite frankly...I don't want to read that shit. Anyone want to read for me? The rewards will be outstanding.

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I don't know about you, but I know I've asked myself the question "Who is the smartest person who has ever lived?" At first glance this may seem like an impossible question to answer....and even if it was possible...it would take years of serious thinking and research. Well, luckily for you all, I have discovered the answer. Now I just KNOW your minds are racing...wondering who on earth it could be and how I could have so easily solved such a complex question. The answer isn't Socrates...it isn't Einstein...and it most certainly isn't the Michelin Man. The problem is...I'm not sure of this person's name...or even this person's gender....but rest assured...this is the smartest person who has ever lived. So here we go...this man/woman is none other than the person who decided to sell the population bottled water. Now before you bash my theory with uneducated insults..at least hear me out first.

Water has always been a resource available to most people in civilized society. In fact, most homeowners pay a "water bill." You can walk into many homes and find actual running water. It comes right out of the faucet like some sort of magic. Now I know some of you are saying..."What about the people who aren't fortunate enough to have running water?" This is a good question..however...the point I am trying to make doesn't apply to these people for the simple reason that they are not the ones dumb enough to purchase the said bottled water. So back to what I was saying....here we all are, living in our houses...enjoying tapwater for a minimal fee...when someone comes along and says "Hey, I can take water...the same water people get from their taps...run it through a cheap filter....put it in a bottle and inflate the fuck out of the price...and I bet people will pay for it." And guess what folks...he/she was completely correct. Therein lies this person's genius. People will go out of their way to purchase water that comes in a bottle...and they will not hesitate to pay an arm and a leg for it. The true brilliance of this scheme is that we could easily buy a simple tap filter and enjoy the same great tasting water that we seem to love paying several bucks a bottle for...I mean damn...let's just sit back and think about this for a second. People are actually paying for a bottle (some plastic and paper covering) that is filled up with water...fucking WATER! Just go outside the next time it rains and open your mouth. So what if its full of pollutants and God knows what other toxins...you can use the money you saved to buy good medical care. Or I don't know...here's a crazy idea...go out and splurge on a Brita Jug. Don't tell me that having bottled water is more convenient. Just put some damn water in a thermos if you crave it so much that you cannot wait to get home before you need to drink it.

You know what...I think the idiocy of the general public has inspired me to come up with a money making scheme of my own. Here it is....I'm going to sell EMPTY plastic bottles. Now here comes the brilliance...these empty bottles will be labeled "Water...Just Add Water" I can see it now...they will sell like hotcakes. Who wants in? I'll split the profits accordingly.

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I finally figured out how to make my picture work...with a bit of help from a friend. I just wanted to say thanks to everybody who offered their advice. I realized that once I uploaded the pic...I didn't need to hit the "update" button at the bottom. Apparently, I never made the connection that it was for something totally different. It took me awhile, but I'm set. May you all be taken aback by my supreme picture.

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