-he liked her, but could not be with her.

-he said he would rather die than to lose her.

-they thought his insanity was just a joke.

-they thought he will let go as soon as the matter goes.

-so they ignored him, thinking that a joker like him should not be bothered.

-their isolation did not bother him

-for her attention is all he wants.

-but her not caring hurts him so much he took a risk.

-he asked her out.

-she was so scared that she asked her boyfriend to follow her.

-throughout the journey, her emotions were tensed.

-she felt that something was going to happen
*************
-sometimes, a girl’s intuition is very accurate.
*************
-they reached and they saw him.

-he looks sad and pathetic, so she straight away runs to his side without much thought.

-for a moment, she forgot that tense feeling during the journey.
**************
-but beautiful moments never last long.
**************
-without much word, he reached for his pocket knife.

-he stared and said ‘how could you ignore me like the others? How could you?’

-he was very worked up.

-his emotions were running out of control.

-then, he placed the knife at her neck, as a threat to make her stay.

-that’s all he wants, her accompany.

-but he knows she is not going to stay, when he saw her eyes.

-her eyes were filled with determination to leave him.

-of course, her boyfriend did not know what was going on.

-in his eyes, the only important thing now is the safety of his girl.

-he started to struggle with him to take away that knife that has hurt her neck.

-it was a long struggle and both of them were forceful against each other.

-and then, he accidentally stabbed him.
***********
-accidents always happen during the critical moments.
***********
-she screamed.
***********
-moments later, the ambulance came. The sirens frightened her and the flipping of the door each time a nurse rushed in or out of the surgery room freaked her out.

-everything was too scary she almost breaks down.

-and the culprit now is nowhere to be found.
***********
-minutes went pass slowly.

-finally, the surgeon came out of the room.

-she prayed for good news, but

-‘sorry, we did our best. Please inform his parents about this.’
***********
-it was just a moment of relief, followed by another moment of fear.

-she called his parents and then rushed in to see him.
***********
-he was smiling, wiping the tears off that little girl’s face, who is now kneeling beside him.

-she was the girl he used his life to protect.

-still smiling, he said: ‘when I die, I’ll be that butterfly that stays by your side forever. So, don’t cry. I’m not leaving.’

-word by word, he said it with much difficulty, trying to hide the pain caused by his injury.

-he then sit up a little and place the butterfly necklace around her neck

-his last gift to her.

-she cried again.

-then his parents rushed in.

-they were all about him, and she wanted to leave for she felt so left out.

-but he pulled her hands.

-she looked back and saw him smile gently to her.

-a moment later, he was gone.
*************
-she was so sad she ran to the rooftop and started yelling non-stop till she was tired.

-with little energy left, she fall back and lie flat on the ground.
*************
-everything was just too sudden.
*************
-but hours later, she smiled weakly and get up to leave.

-what were left were a rose and a butterfly resting on it.
*************
-nobody knew what revive her smiles so fast at a gloomy moment like this except for the sun and the clouds, for they witnessed him keeping his promise.
*************
~when I die, I’ll be that butterfly that stays by your side forever. ~


(tell me if its nice, for i am starting to hate this story as soon as i post it up)

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this is one of the two letters that she gave me:

to: miss chong siew ying, the one who enraptured my pain.

you know why i stopped talking to you? did you know when you were telling that bastard teacher that haunted me everyday now, i was watching? i've heard and seen enough this is lke the forth time you betrayed me already.and you know exactly why i hate you when yu betrayed me, you know very well that i'll hate someone who betrays me like forever.now the whole block is alking about it and it's killing me, did you ever gave a thought for me? NO,you never.i told you that trapping me is not gonna work, it's only get the condition more fuckingly worse. and you didn't believe me. well,well,well......the warning was set,tell you something:i'm a bipolar person,i have like only two points of emotions that can be shown like that: very happy to very upset.

which means that i have a great emotional change whenever something happen.and by telling everyone about how a jackass i've been in the holidays,you just shot a bullet into my head.too bad, that's now you'll kll your pure, innocent 'friend' who hates you so much now.tell you what,if you just give me a little push,you'll force me to the point of suicide.take my words seriously,as i said,i'm not going to end this so early.

it's not like i want to write to you,i think that you thought i would fnally be soft-hearted to write this.BULLSHIT.too bad,this is just a theatening message gainstyour actions. you better control yourself before 'she' actually breaks down, ask the others to stop talking about it since you started this great issue.

anyway about the split personality thingy,i can't say its true.

sign,
yuki.

p.s. i didn't write 'dear....' cause' i feel no need to since you're such a hypocrite.cry all you want, i don't mind, i don't even care.

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coming up next,i am going to tell a true life story that happens to me(hahahaha)

a year or two ago,i was rather depressed and was sucidal.bleeding was pretty much part of everyday's life.

but then,i had a big group of friends who stay by me to keep me happy and safe.so,soon, the bleeding lessens,and slowly,not that noticable anymore.

i became who i used to be,cheery on the outside and always poking into people's stuffs again.

one day,my unlucky day,for i think i poked into some wrong stuff.

a friend started to say some weird stuff as though she has two characters in her body.she was very angry with herself.i thought it's just some minor things,so i ignored her.

then some weeks later,i saw scars on her arms.ok,i thought she was jus having some emotional ups and downs,so i thought i should accompany her more often and cheer her up like how they cheered me up.then i felt something wrong;more and more scars.

i guess when she let me see all those scars,she thought i would keep it as a secret.but i did not.

i told some of my friends that i thought was reliable and i told a teacher.i never thought that much,it was as if my mind was thinking i should keep the secret but my body was looking for help.as she sinks deeper into her depressed moments,i could not handle her anymore,so some help might be good for her.

then, she started to blame me.she blamed me for betraying her(as in telling others about her condition) and started avoiding me.i wanted to know why she avoided me,but only weeks later then she gave me 2 letters.

after reading that letter,i was totally hurted.i cried and stopped and cried again.i was so sad and scared till my temperature's running low with my hands feeling freezing cold.

i blamed myself to looking for help and blamed myself thinking that she was just following what i used to do:injuring myself.

i was so sad for months,a little thought could just make me cry.she WAS my best friend,and yet, we became like this.i keep blaming myself.

so after,i started avoiding her,avoiding my thoughts and avoiding myself,till i was able to convince i did no wrong.and during that time,people around me who knew what happen were like 'why do you do this to her' n 'its not your fault.you did the right thing.'

then, i felt nothing.my heart no longer felt painful or sad or anything.they say i numbed my heart,but i don't care,i just want no more tears.a emotional blackout.

now,i just convince myself i do no wrong,and should not be thinking about it anymore.

even though sometimes now,i do chat with her,i don't chat much about anything.i've learnt my lesson to not poke into her stuff anymore.

i never told anybody about it,only a few knew what really happened.i am totally used to keeping things to myself that telling others make me feel so weird(which is a bad thing).so no one could imagine my pain.

but at least i am ok now. :)

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this very particular moment,
when the moon's awake and the stars in dance

MY CHEST SUDDENLY HURTS!!!

man!i don't know what happens but it just hurts a lot,and a last for so long.

what is worse is that i don't have painkillers.(i wonder what type of painkillers should i take for heart pain)

so pain and so uncomfortable...and i don't know what to do when chest pain.

man!!gonna be a nasty night.

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haha...i felt so lucky today.

my family and i were out for dinner in singapore with my grandfather and cousins.
we were eating and chating happily.
***********
meanwhile at home~

my house blackout for a moment,a very short moment.
************
then when we reached home,the gate was wide open,with the neighbourhood security guard nearby.

the guard has been there for about more than an hour and he told us that a guy in motorbike has been returning to our house about 3 times but didn't went in.

he told us to check our stuffs.when everything is ok,he went off.

haha...so so lucky.

if the strange guy went in,that means he's a burglar and my house would be broke into.

there has been a lot of burglaries and robberies happen in this neighbourhood,and therefore a petrolling group recently formed.

so so lucky my house escaped from a disaster.

hope someone would get the gate fixed so that it won't automatically open when the blackout is ok again.

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i am crying

when i hear a love song this very moment,i am crying.

its not because i felt touched,but because i felt empty.

how i wish i can be loved,till now,this very moment,i just want to be loved.yet the most important person went missing this very moment.

i felt empty.because of his absence,i felt as though my heart is pitless.

he is so important to me that no other love can replaced the pitless hole.it just feel so empty even when i try to put as much love in it.

yet,he never realised how great his absence means to me.

a child,without a father,no matter how old she is,her heart is half gone.

how i wish he is always by my side,loving me.

how i wish he never show me that scar in this family.

that scar is still vividly painful,no matter how long ago it happens.

my heart is painfully empty,no matter how much love tried to fill it full.

i missed him,yet i can't see him.

i loved him,yet he pushed me away.

once a scar,forever a scar.

how i wish emotional scars can heal quickly.

but no,they can't.

they just start bleeding with a gentle touch.

a touch,that can cause death of the heart.

all i want,is just to be loved.

my wish,my only wish.

so sad.

it has become such a scar for anyone to heal,that even his love now would not heal it.

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