and you'll always be far from the things that you are


because there's so many things that you're not.


...and I know how hard


I know how hard it is to persue


when you're just not breaking through


but darling dont you let them tell you that you're wrong...

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Well. Matthew saw an army recruiter yestesrday... he's seriously contemplating it. He talked to be about all of the benifits (and financially it will be very benificial.. let me say.) and about what kind of job he would be going for.
I just hope he takes enough time to think about what he's getting into. Ah, but I'm not worried he won't.

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Sick to death of my dependence, fighting food to find transcendence
Fighting to survive, more dead but more alive
Cigarettes and speed for livin', and sleeping pills to feel forgiven
All that you contrive, and all that you're deprived
All the bourgeois social angels telling you you've got to change
Don't have any idea. They'll never see so clear.
But don't forget what it really means to hunger strike
when you don't really need to
Some are dying for a cause, but that don't make it yours.

--

i'm still up in new england

I'm stuffed with seafood

and I am relatively content.

:)

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This need to scream into the toilet until I empty all of my insides out is probably to make things easier on me.

For now I'll take it one day at a time, even if it hurts THIS bad.

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Have you ever been on a train or a transit or any public transportation, and you feel as if the world outside is just a photo reel of trees and pretty non-existant things? And you just wish with all of the sadness in your heart that it would just rip... that this photo finish on the world will fall apart, it will breakdown because you're right... You're right to think that real things are not built on plastic pictures and that being sad is not such a BAD thing. That maybe it's okay to be the way that I am. Maybe I don't have to be controlled by all these NEGATIVE feelings 'they' have taught me about myself...

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For future referance:

Always complete any task you have been assigned. Even if-- no... Especially if you have assigned it to yourself.

Too much thinking about this...
good thing school is soon, something to focus on.

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