First of all, my mother finally came to her senses and gave me my laptop back. She seems a bit more calmer lately. Maybe she is the one on drugs.

I'm sure you are all wondering how dinner went with Eric and his parents. Let's just say there was a big surprise waiting for me there. Apparently, his family are all vegans.

Now, there's nothing wrong with being a vegan. It's just I'm a meat eater and I wasn't prepared for that. The menu consisted of garden burgers, grilled peppers, sweet potato salad and homemade baked beans. To be honest, I thought I was going to hate it all but some of it was pretty good.

Eric's parents are really nice. Maybe a bit too Brady Bunch for my tastes but sweet all the same. The only bad part about the night was that Eric seemed really miserable throughout dinner. Not the guy I met a couple of weeks ago. I'm starting to really get worried. Whatever he is dealing with, I'm convinced he can't handle it alone anymore.

So, when is it okay to retreat from your safe distance and start doing a bit of confronting?

Comment! (1) | Recommend! | Rate!

I'm resurfacing after my little moment of shame to announce that despite giving me the cold shoulder for a while, Eric has invited me over for dinner tomorrow night. I get to meet his parents and whoever else. Any other time, this would be a major step up in our relationship, but I have a strange feeling that it's just some kind of diversion.

I would be worried about this, but my mom is on the prowl again. I came home from school yesterday and my room was totally trashed. She said that she thought my recent "odd" behavior had to be because of drugs. Why is it that parents always think it's drugs? So, she decided to tear my room apart until she found my "stash". Too bad there wasn't anything to find.

I got the pleasure to spend all afternoon and night cleaning up her mess. Oh the joys of having psychotic parents.


S.

Comment! (2) | Recommend! | Rate!

Let's face it. Everyone thinks about sex, some more often than others. Adults say that we are too young to fully understand the responsibilities attached to sex and they're right. But it's hard to ignore what your body is telling you.

I have said for years that I would wait to have sex until I met the right person. I was watching the Greg Behrendt show one day and he said something like virgins aren't waiting for the right person. That they are preparing themselves to have sex...something like that. I think that is partially true. I'm preparing myself for that day but yet I also want it to be with the right person.

The problem is that no matter what my convictions are it all comes down to self control and what almost happened a couple weeks ago proves I have none. What's worse is that despite the secret Eric is holding on to for dear life I fantasize about what our first time would be like all day long, everyday. I feel so guilty about it too. He's made it pretty clear that he is going through something and all I can think about is us having sex.

How terrible is that?


S.

Comment! (6) | Recommend! (1) | Rate!

There is this website called PostSecret that I visit often. People create postcards illustrating their secrets, mail it to the owner(s) of the site and then, it gets posted for the world to see. Why is it that we have this overwhelming desire to air our dirty laundry in public? Is it a need for validation or something?

I decided to pay it a visit today and found one that I guess I can relate to:

"The people I thought were my best friends abandoned me when I needed them the most but the real surprise was the people who stood by me!"

Well, this one doesn't exactly describe me as much as it does my friend Nicole. She was exiled to a far away place which I thought no one else at school knew but me. I was wrong. On Friday, I experienced the first day of relief from all the classroom harrassment. The bad part is that it shifted from me to her. I don't know how everyone found out it was her because I didn't mention any names here, but they did. I think it may have something to do with the kids that work in the office. Most of them will do anything for a little one-on-one with a member of the popular crowd.

Now, when Nicole comes home, she'll probably be in the same boat as me. She sent me a postcard, one of those "Having fun. Wish you were here." types. I can't imagine what she is going through right now.

I guess it takes something like this to happen to found out who your real friends are.


S.

Comment! (2) | Recommend! | Rate!

My mom has pretty much put me on lock down once again even though this time I didn't do anything wrong. I'm posting this via a school computer. I thought she would find out about me sneaking out of the house the other night but thankfully, she hasn't. Don't need any more drama on my plate than I already have.

Eric is still keeping secrets. I know I did my fair share of that, but he never came off as the type that would. I feel I've done whatever I could to reassure him that he could tell me anything. But he won't. The weird thing is that he acts more afraid of me than someone else. Like I'm the abuser or something. I don't understand that.

It's bad enough I have the whole school maybe even the town hating me. I can't bare him pulling away from me too. I guess I'll have to wait and see how this goes.


S.

Comment! (1) | Recommend! | Rate!

Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

Comment! (0) | Recommend! | Rate!