Nothing really constructive of note happened today, except lots of business proposals / developments discussion.

I've noticed a certain person avoiding me for whatever reason from me. Perhaps its not avoiding, perhaps it's just coincidence that I never see them online when they are, but whatever the case it seems impossible to contact them.

What does an individual do when they have one of their key goals in life in front of them, yet its elusive as it never existed? It's there in front of you, yet it's intangible for whatever reason. How far would you go to make that goal reality or tangible? The less time I spend online/phone with that person, the more I want to be with them. You feel that the feeling is mutual, yet that person is hesitant for whatever reason of making this reality.

As bits and pieces of my life are coming together, my dreams, my ambitions, my success, my soul...,,I have a key jigsaw still missing there. As much as I want to force another piece pushed in there, nothing except a certain piece will fit in.
Sometimes I wonder if the lesson in life I am meant to learn is loneliness, since it seems I've been lonely all throughout my life. Perhaps I don't deserve happiness or completion, a trade off for other things I may gain in life. But that doesn't stop me wanting, lusting for the complete perfection.

I think the longer I wait for that piece to be ready, the more crazy I will get.

The whole purpose of this blog was to reveal a side of me I don't reveal to others so that person can see me. I am not even sure if they even read what I have to say.

Ah Ah Uptown girl
She's been living in her uptown world
I bet she never had a back street guy
I bet her mama never told her why
I'm gonna try for an uptown girl

She's been living in her white bread world
As long as anyone with hot blood can
And now she's looking for a downtown man
That's what I am

And when she knows what she wants from her time
And when she wakes up and makes up her mind
She'll see I'm not so tough
Just because I'm in love with an uptown girl
You know I've seen her in her uptown world
She's getting tired of high class toys
And all her presents from her uptown boys
She's got a choice

Uptown girl
You know I can't afford to buy her pearls
But maybe someday when my ship comes in
She'll understand what kind of guy I've been
And then I'll win

-billy joel.

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What happens when someone semi trusted breaks your trust? Forgive and forget isn't always the best option if you consider exactly what has occured. Not sure what steps I will take, but really I just want my money back no matter what. Personal grudges is something I can forget, but when you have an issue of a person owing money and lying/cheating on you, it isn't a good idea to forget the whole issue.

To suceed in business or in life, you have to seperate your personal problems with business problems. Friendship away from business. When one mixes the two , it's too easy to lose priority of things. Priority of friendship and business are two seperate things. A successful business is built on cold logic and calculation. A successful friendship is based on sacrifices. A business made with sacrifices is one that is sure to fail, and a friendship based on hard cold logic is never a friendship to begin with.

Working with friends that are business partners, I have realised with business matters treat it as business where there is no leeway because they are friends, but outside the scope of business, you can make sacrifices as long as it doesn't impede the business. It's something that is hard to manage, but one that must be done for it to be successful.

Most people I know are still stuck in the mentality that friendship comes before anything else. Shouting your friends everytime is something you can be proud of, but 5years in the future you're destined to be shouted by all your friends for the rest of your life. I rather shout people out than be shouted out for the rest of my life, personally. That's why personally I don't like shouting people or being shouted. Friendship shouldn't really involve money, each person should hold their own as equals. When someone shouts someone constantly, it isn't as equals but as one person acting as the superior (monetary wise).

Bottom of the line is, never borrow money.

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Friend of mine got jumped at an asian dance party at sharkies for being white.
You have to wonder about the mentality of certain people who go solely out to clubs to start fights. Oh well the guy who got jumped is posting a $10 000 reward for that persons detail. Moral of story is , don't start problem with the wrong people or you will end up in the deep end of the ocean.

Enrolled at tafe today, paying $210 for Japanese course A. 4hrs a week, which seems too little to learn anything. It looks like I am going to have to buy a text book and self study. Regret that I never bothered studying languages in highschool properly.

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Saw the hottest chick today, she was from shanghai, looked like someone straight from a chinese princess story. Ah my friend picked her up with his smooth ways, while I could only watch on in jealousy. That's life I guess, but I guess I should be satisfied with what I have, considering where I lack in girls I make up in the knowledge that power is just around the corner. Who needs drugs, girls or any other form of addiction when you have the ultimate drug of all, power.

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Someone close to me got betrayed by someone he felt was a friend. I guess it's something most of us feel once in awhile. But this reinforces my original assumption on friendship. There are few people you can trust in life, and trust is a rare commidity that should be earnt not given.

Today was a weird day where it started off on a positive note and ended with a negative note. Perhaps its a reaffirmation that with good things always comes bad things. To always keep your guard up no matter what occurs.

A hooker called me up asking me to buy her a drink where I promptly told her that I have business to attend to. She said shes leaving to go back to korea, and expected me to feel sympathy for her and spend the night with her. I feel sorry for her plight knowing she was sold to slavery to help her sisters financial burdens, but really when it comes down to it there are billions of people around the world in need of help too. If we went out of our way to show compassion for everyone who needs it, we ourselves would be in need of help. I made the conscienscious choice to ignore her and spend the night playing games.

Again the same loneliness feeling , growing day by day, somehow I manage to contain it, but for how much longer I don't know. I wish a certain someone would be there for me. Or am I asking too much?

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Living two lives , a walking contradiction.
I find myself surrounded with talented intelligent males who are rejects of society yet the same time potential to move society.

Yesturday night was a weird night, we are criminals yet we discuss philosophy/theology to a level that would fit in with rhodes scholars. Are we destined to be something more than mere men or are we destined to dig a hole for ourselves being rejected by those that do not understand us?

I enrolled for today today, whereas in I was told I was over qualified. I guess in a way it is living a fantasy, a university student who has no need to find a job going to tafe just to pass the time at his leisure. Do I expect to learn anything out of tafe? not likely, but again it will allow me to meet people I would not have otherwise met.

Loneliness is something that eats away at me everyday. The thought of someone being there for you, someone sharing your thoughts, the idea of debating with someone and learning about things together, perhaps is a fantasy.

I feel so close , yet so far. I've had my hopes up too much in the past and I have no great expectations for it be consumated, just a faint hope. Perhaps I am doomed to choose a random plate even though I am fully aware only 1plate is going to satisfy me.

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