Woah.. I like the new look it rocks! Atleast I think so anyways. I had a pretty good day yesterday/today.. whatever u ppl wanna call it. lol. I slept, did chores, and worked.. you know the usual! lol. I just want to express myself.. it has nothing to do with anyone's nutang just to letchya know. I've changed... and I just wanna express my feelings and stuff. I hate how other's just seem to have to pick on someone just to feel kewl or just to be happy. I mean.. what's the point!? I know you didn't say that stuff about/towards Chrissy.. but I just wanted to add that... cuz I think it ties in with what I have to say tonight! I also hate how the world like holds it over people's heads usually girls heads that you have to be skinny to be attractive or beautiful. I think it's such bull shit! And I'm just realizing it. I let the world and other ignorant people brainwash me into believing that I wasn't beautiful cuz I was a lil overweight!? BIG MISTAKE. I mean soo what if someone's a lil overweight.. if they wanna be that way why can't they. ya know what I mean!? I mean you don't have to be a size 1 to be beautiful. And I'm finally realizing that pretty doesn't mean skinny or thin. It means that you're a lovely person on the inside as well as the outside! Who cares if you're different or you don't live up to other people's standards. If they don't like you for you that's their problem. I mean if everyone was the same in this world.. this would be one heck of a boring dull world! I love being unique.. I love being me! I'm different.. all my friends' tell me that I'm the weird one.. well you wanna know what.. I'm glad I'm the weird one.. I'm glad I'm different and that I'm not afraid to act so! People are just gonna have to accept me for who I am. If you like me you like me.. if you don't you don't.. I really could careless anymore. I'm not here to please you or be who you want me to be. I'm here to be myself.. which from this day forward I'm gonna be. Good bye baggy hoodie sweatshirts.... I don't need to cover myself up anymore.. My coocoon has finally been opened.. and I'm ready to be that pretty butterfly that I am! I may not be the thinnest thing in the world.. I may not be the fatest thing in the world either.. I may not be all that and a bag of chips! But I do know one thing.. I am Jackie Lynn.. AND I AM BEAUTIFUL IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! And if you don't like it tough shit!

woot woot... 12 more days.. heck yes! :) Sorry I just had to add that!

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I got this from my ELLEgirl magazine.. and it made an impression on me. So I wanted to share it!

“I’M A FAT FASHIONISTA”

Candice Smith
Age: 22

If I gave you a bullet-point list of the things that make me tick, I wouldn’t seem that much different from the average ELLEgirl. And I’m not. I have a slight obsession with online
shopping. I spend far too much money at the M.A.C counter. I am forever on the quest forthat perfect Jennifer-Lopez-eat-your-heart-out pair of jeans. And yes, Adam Brody tends tomake me drool. I’m smart, I’m sexy, I’m well accessorized. Did I forget to mention I’m plus-size?

Plus-size: A term that strikes fear into the hearts of girls all over, regardless of the number sewn into the back of their jeans; a term that makes people think of catfans and polyester and Oprah circa 1992. Standing solidly at a size 16, I’ve been plus-size most of my life. It wasn’t until a few years ago, however, that I learned to love it.

For a very long time, I, too, believed that plus-size meant unattractive, frumpy and fashion-free. I wore big, bulky sweaters to cover myself up. I dressed to fade into thewoodwork. My closet had three colors: black, off-black, and faded-to-gray black, because everyone knows black is “slimming.”

When I went to the mall with my friends, I would happily accompany them through Nordstrom and Abercrombie, pretending to look at clothes. Then I would excuse myself to go to the bathroom, run to the nearest Lane Bryant, buy yet another black sweater-duster, and the cashier, “No, I don’t need a bag,” shoving it directly into my purse so nobody could see that I shopped at the “fat lady” store. I cut the brand labels and size tags out of my clothes just in case anyone spotted them in gym class. I was a fashion victim for every sense of the word.

The sad thing is, that person wasn’t me. On the inside I was bursting with color and style. In my mind I was a trendsetter, always mentally piecing together the cutest outfits for the day
that I was finally “pretty,’ a word I always thought was a synonym for thin.

Then, one evening, while putting together another stunning sweatshirt-and-jeans combo to go out dancing, I looked in the mirror. I pictured all my friends in strappy tanks and dance
pants, and it just broke my heart. But in that moment, I saw myself through my eyes-not the eyes of the cheerleader, who lived next door, or the cute boy in math class who didn’t know my name. I took a long gaze in the mirror and, aside from the red face and watery eyes, I liked what I saw. I noticed that under the bulky fabric I had been hiding myself in, I had quite the figure. There were woman who paid good money to have the curves that I was blessed with.

I took to the Internet and researched plus-size fashion- which I found, wasn’t an oxymoron at all. Stores like Delio’s and Old Navy carried clothes in my size and up! I also discovered Torrid, a store completely dedicated to the plus-size teen. My black-and-white wardrobe became live and in Technicolor. One of my first really “wow” outfits featured this long, soft lilac crocheted sweater-duster that was clasped at the breast with a gorgeous crystal brooch. I found a vintage store for five dollars! The knit was very sparse, almost like filigree, and underneath it I wore a light-gold satin slip dress, cropped dark denim jeans and these strappy light gold espadrille sandals laced halfway up my calves. I went to a party, and everyone was shocked because my outfit was sexy and bare and colorful, all things that didn’t scream Candice. The reaction in the room was palpable, and I definitely got my fair share of attention that night. From then on, I wore what I wanted, not what people expected.

Most importantly, however, I gained a newfound self-respect. I am not going to lie-changing
my clothes didn’t change my life. Self-esteem is a constant struggle, one that you deal with regardless of your size. But I have learned some important lessons. Like that pretty and thin
are not the same word. And that the way people view you has a lot to do with how you view yourself.

I am not a girl who is afraid of the word fat. I own it. I am constantly being told that I am the “sexiest fat girl” people have ever met. And I am okay with that description. I used to try
every fad diet, but now I focus on being healthy and active. Once I stopped dwelling on my weight, other people stopped dwelling on it, too. They responded to my confidence more than they responded to anything else.

By buying into the fat stereotype, I was allowing it and condoning it. I have discovered that I am a trendsetter, that I do have color and style and life. I am a fat fashonista, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Thank you sooo much ELLEgirl.. I look at myself differently.. I'm no longer the girl that hides in hooded sweatshirts anymore.. I now know that I'm beautiful on the outside as well as the inside! I'm a new me and I LOVE it! I was an ugly catapillar that coocooned into a beautiful butterfly! I hope this chances someone else's perspective like it did mine!

"Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera

Don't look at me
Mm, mm,
Yeah, eah, oh, ooh,

Everyday is so wonderful, then suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then I get insecure, from all the pain
I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes words can't bring me down, Oh no
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness, the pieces gone,
Left the puzzle undone, ain't that the way it is?

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down, no, no
Cause you are beautiful in every single way
Yes words can't bring you down. Oh, no
So don't you bring me down today

No matter what we do, (No matter what we do)
No matter what we say, (No matter what we say)
We're the song inside the tune, (yeah) full of beautiful mistakes (oh yeah)
And everywhere we go, (And everywhere we go)
The sun will always shine
(The sun will Always, Always, Shine)
And tomorrow we might awake on the other side

'Cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes words won't bring us down, no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes words can't bring us down, oh , no
So don't you bring me down today

Mm, yeah, don't you bring me down today
Yeah, yeah, ooh,
Don't you bring me down, ooh, today

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Well it kicked ass except for the part about getting bitched at cuz i didn't do my chores when i was told too.. but i got them done.. that's all that matters right?! lol. i didn't have to go to church.. i was kinda happy about that one. turns out my mom had to work a half day of overtime... soooo now my weekends are shot to hell too.. cuz i have to babysit all the effin time! you wanna know what i think is bull shit! well i went school shopping on sunday.. and got a whole shit load of things! and i have to pay my mom back for buying my school clothes! it's like wtf! i babysit that brat for nothing... and you're making me pay you back.. haha u have another thing comming! chrissy would be proud of me thou.. haha my shirts are sooooo adorable! i got this cute peach shirt, a cute pink shirt, a cute peach, tan, and off white poncho, and a white undershirt with a blue overshirt! i got myself a job too.. i work in snedekerville for an old lady. i mow her lawn.. and do whatever else she asks to me too do! :). she's nice i like her. it's all because her husband knows my dad. speaking of my dad.. i hope he comes home soon.. im sick of babysitting her all the effin time!!!! it's driving me nuts! he better be home before school starts atleast.. cuz im not walking to the bus stop in the morning! i always run late in the morning im gonna end up missing the bus. well i gotta start on them dishes now!

14 more days.. woot woot! i can't flipping wait!!hopefully things work out like i want them too! :)

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When I, thought I knew you
Thinking, that you were true
I guess I, I couldn't trust
'Cause your bluff time is up
'Cause I've had enough
You were, there by my side
Always, down for the ride
But your, joy ride just came down in flames
'Cause your greed sold me out of shame, mmhmm

After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that I hold resentment for you
But, uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Oh, ohh

Never, saw it coming
All of, your backstabbing
Just so, you could cash in
On a good thing before I realized your game
I heard, you're going around
Playing, the victim now
But don't, even begin
Feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave, uh huh

After all of the fights and the lies
Yes you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore
Uh, no more, oh no, it's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Yesterday I was at the fair allllllll day long... I got there at like 9.. I was pretty much bored the whole entire time until Stacy got done working for the Booster Club @ 2:30... then her and I walked around. Then we bumped into Marcy. All 3 of us walked around the fair some more. Stacy and I went into the Fair Office to make phone calls.. I called Tim and Stacy called her mom to see if I could spend the night. Stacy's mom said I could spend the night.. and I got no answer from Tim's house.. hmmmm I wonder why (I'll go into more detail later on). We headed down towards the rides.. then worked our way up to gate 3.. so I could meet my mom and ask her if I could go to the Derby's and spend the night at Stacy's. She said I could. So, Jenn, Marcy, Stacy, and I waited for my mom to get back from the bank.. so she could give me some money for the Derby and stuff. After I got my money, we headed back into the fair. First we all went to take a potty break then we went to get our tickets for the Derby. We got track side tickets. Then we walked around some more.. then we got tired of walking around and wanted to rest a little bit. So we sat on the benches at Center Court.. And I ran into Adam, Anthony, and their friends. haha. Adam told me some pretty interesting things. God, I can't wait to August 15th! It's soooo gonna kick ass! I'm not gonna go into detail just yet about that thou. So you all are just gonna have to wait.. if you wanna know! Then Marcy, Stacy, and I got tired of sitting.. so we headed off towards gate 3, and walked around that section for a bit. Then Sarah (Tim's sister) came up to me. Her and I had a nice little chat. NOTTT! Guys are really beginning to disguist me.. I'm gonna put what we talked about in a private entry.. don't want everyone knowing.. so if u know the password u can enter it! lol. After our chat, we headed into the Derby... We (Marcy, Stacy, and I) sat with Julie, Randy, Deanna, Destiny, Cameron, Chrissy, Melinda, Jenna, and Jenna's boyfriend. We had a pretty good time.. I enjoyed myself anyways. Half way through the Derby before they started another round.. Marcy, Stacy, and I went for a walk.. We ran into some people. Then we chit-chatted and what not and headed back into the Derby's. And I found out that Tim.. actually came looking for me while I was gone! Oooh soo sad.. I missed him! I got to see my car get smashed to pieces. I was kinda sad... but oh well. Im gonna get a better car than that one anyways! lol. My car was one of the first ones out in like the 3rd round.. god did he suck at driving! Well just to wrap this I had a pretty good night. I had a lot of fun with my gurlies! I miss hanging out with ya guys... can't wait to hang out with ya again!

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