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You Smell Funny
quote for the day
"You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'"
"A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth. "
-- George Bernard Shaw
song of the moment
The Hand That Feeds
You're keeping in step
In the line
Got your chin held high and you feel just fine
Because you do
What you're told
But inside your heart it is black and it's hollow and it's cold

Just how deep do you believe?
Will you bite the hand that feeds?
Will you chew until it bleeds?
Can you get up off your knees?
Are you brave enough to see?
Do you want to change it?

What if this whole crusade's
A charade
And behind it all there's a price to be paid
For the blood
On which we dine
Justified in the name of the holy and the divine

Just how deep do you believe?
Will you bite the hand that feeds?
Will you chew until it bleeds?
Can you get up off your knees?
Are you brave enough to see?
Do you want to change it?

So naive
I keep holding on to what I want to believe
I can see
But I keep holding on and on and on and on

Will you bite the hand that feeds you?
Will you stay down on your knees?
This is me
Wednesday. 12.22.04 5:02 pm
This is me....back from a long Nutang break. And why you ask. Well, because I moved out on the 9th. And my computer stayed. No computer time until the 14thish. But upon request of Kollin I shall give you a brief update on life.
It's almost Christmas and I am so excited!! All I have been thinking about since I got out of class was that. I have spent my time off working, babysitting, shopping, and playing with my new puppy! Yup, it's been productive! AND I HAVE A NEW PUPPY!! Actually, he is my dad's Christmas present. But I have been taking care of him since Friday. And my goodness he is adorable. Especially the way he chews on all my shoes and whines at night if I don't sleep with him. He thinks I'm his mom. I may just have to go home after Christmas to help the little guy get adjusted to the house. I'll put pictures up if I can get my hands on Kevin's digital camera.
In other news, it snowed here in Dallas...twice. It was gorgeous. I miss the snow. That would be the only reason I would ever go back to Wisconsin. I'm getting new speakers for my car. It's exciting. Evidently my dad is really setting me up, or so my borther claims. But then again, he is the car guy, so he would know. Umumum, what else to share. I dunno, I'm just so excited for Friday. We do presents on Christmas Eve, so the family will gather tomorrow night and hang out til at least Sunday, and there will be eating and (not-so-)Secret Santa-ing and white elephant-ing and present opening and card playing and napping. It will be bliss! Merry Christmas Everyone!!!! And Happy Chanukah (yes, that is the Jewishly correct spelling despite the fact that Jewishly isn't a word) and Happy Kwanza!!!!

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Sunday. 11.21.04 2:49 pm
it is currently 2:49 pm on sunday afternoon. i have been up for two hours and have accomplished much. i have gone to plano to return some clothes that needed to be returned a month ago. i have gotten a starbucks coffee. i have had a meaningful conversation with my mother. i have checked my e-mail. i have eaten lunch. this means i only have two more things to do today. unfortunately i saved the biggest for last. i have about half of my english annotated bibliography to finish for tomorrow and i have a chem test to study for. the english should only take abou an hour. the chem will take the rest of the day. but that is because i never go to class, and i have no idea what the test is over. thank god danielle does. in other news, i'm am coming home on wednesday after noon. i am having thanksgiving with my uncle milner. and i only have enough money for gas and car insurance for the next 2 weeks. although, i will babysit on saturday and that will help out. also, because i am driving another girl to houston, i will have gas money for on the way back. now, i must begin the homework i should have started about a week ago.

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Friday. 11.19.04 10:10 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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this will be the longest entry ever...
Monday. 11.8.04 5:39 pm
So, since I haven't updated in forever, I have tons to share. Let me see, blood test was pointless, and now the parents want me to go see the real doctor. Last Staurday (as in not a few days ago), I had my first regatta. We were in Austin, and although we didn't do very well, it was a lot of fun. I finally had my first taste of why people love this sport so much. But, it was nothing in comparison to this past weekend. Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Then there was seeing President Bush on Monday night. Now that was fucking awesome!! He was so excited to be back home. They got there really late though. Chuck Norris, Tracie Byrd and Toby Keith were are there. It was a huge cowboy reunion. Shea, Chris, Emily, Alan and I waited in line for about two hours before we even saw the doors to the place, but it was well worth every minute. I spent the majority of Tuesday night glued to the TV in hopes of seeing who would win. Of course, Ohio had to be special, so I went to bed with angst. Thursday night Lanae and I babysat these two little boys we are giong to start taking care of. They are so cute and so good. Lanae was the only problem we had all night. She drove me nuts!! I had to play with boys, bathe them, put them into pjs and then get them into bed without any help from her. And every time She was alone with the baby, he would scream and scream until I came in a rescued him. It was the saddest thing ever. So, I was pretty pissed at her after the night was over. And all that wasn't including the fact that she talked about the drama of her and Chad all night. I could have killed myself! And now we are to Friday. I woke up at 4:00 in the morning and tromped on a bus. Then we headed off to the airport. Upon arriving and getting our tickets, Doug hands every one of us an envelope. And what does it contain, you ask. Well, just $26 for breakfast that morning and lunch Sunday afternoon. Yes, they handed us an envelope of cash. I was quite amazed. So, we arrive in Atlanta, Georgia and hop on another bus. This bus takes us about 30 minutes away to Gainesville. We arrive and the head of the Chattahoochee River where the '96 Olympic rowers raced. Kevin and Lenis are there with the trailer and we start unloading and rigging the boats. We also hear the story about how Kevin (my coach) killed the truck on the way there. Make mental note - never jackknife with a huge trailer full of 9 boats and aviod a flat tire at all costs. So, after that we practice on the course and get to check things out. This place is absolutely gorgeous. It kinda reminded me of Wisconsin. Then, around 6ish, we headed to the hotel. And damn the hotel! You see, hotel is a little misleading. I figured hotel like at Nationals. After all, the varsity said it was really nice and Kevin said it was four stars. Well, as it turned out, my hotel room - number 4 - turned out to be a cabin. Yes, a cabin. I shared a house with two other girls. We had two bathrooms, three beds, three tvs, a dishwasher, fridge, coffemaker, toater, washer, dryer and.....a hot tub! I have never stayed anywhere this nice in my entire life. This place kicked my dorm rooms ass. We could have lived there for weeks! I just about died. On Saturday, my boat raced. We did fucking awesome! Let me give you a little background and then I'll tell you more. My boat is a four person boat plus a coxwain (pronounced cox-in). Here is a picture of an eight. My boat is different in the sense that obviously there are only four rowers and see that girl on the far left doing nothing? Well, she is the coxwain and she lies down behind the person on the far right in my boat. The coxwain is the only person who can see where we are heading so she steers. The saying hear goes, "we win our races by sitting on our asses and going backwards". I am the person on the far right in my boat, the bow. Me = bow seat because I am the shortest. So, we are get in this boat and row 1000 meters from the dock to the finish line and then 3 miles to the start. After we get to the start line, it is time to move. We turn the boat around, get in line and experience the most painful 25ish minutes of our entire lives...again. The way the race works is that each boat is let go one at a time and the boats race against the clock. Obviously if you pass boats, your time will be lower than their's at the finish line. So, we start off on out 3-mile tourture row and almost immeadiatley pass the boat in front of us. Of course, this is the motivator for the whole race, and we pass five more boats!! All in all, we got 17 out of 38 boats and the other SMU novice boat got 27 out of 38. While this may not seem like any big feat, it really is because most novice teams there are made of already experienced freshman rowers. Both our boats were full of people who just walked on the team. And we killed Duke and Rice who are both supposed to have awesome novice/frosh teams. Ok, I'm tired of writing, so here are some Bush Rally pics and here are 2 crappy Austin pics. And HERE is a little piece of the Atlanta trip. If all the pics don't load, close the window and try again. I promise, they all should work.

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on a more positive note
Tuesday. 10.26.04 11:28 pm
I got my blood tested today. For the first time ever! And it was scary as all hell!! But, hopefully sometime tomorrow the doctor will be able to tell me what's wrong with me. Okok, I know, no one will ever be able to tell me what's wrong with me, but I mean in the physical-I'm-still-sick sense. And if she says diabetes, I might have a heart attack. So, updates soon!
p.s. I am trying really hard to update on a very regular basis again.

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arghh!
Monday. 10.25.04 9:17 pm
Sometimes having a roommate sucks. I mean, who doesn't know that you can only run water through a coffee pot? And who doesn't know that you have to clean things after you scorch the shit out of them? So, now I have gone through $30 worth of coffee pots, and I don't really feel like shelling out more money so that she can break another one. But, on the other hand, I still want to have my daily tea time. And, I could use that pot to make so many wonderful things. I just think that if I go to the trouble of buying another, then, in a month or so, I'll be dealing with the same shit as right now. Next year I'm thinking I might have to get an apartment. One with a guy might be nice. I mean, guys will be messy, but they love me no matter what. As far as girls are concerned, they are messy, borrow my shit without asking, and have PMS. And that is much more stressful! So, to buy another coffee pot or not, that is the question...

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