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I am so sorry that this is such a late blog entry!
But nevertheless, it's decicated to Amy Leong!
Girl hope you like the presents that PuiSin and
me picked for you!
From that.. I think i can be proud to say..
that I know you pretty well! haha!
I am such a NICE friend okay!

Let's hope that we managed to make up
2 birthdays in a row for you haahha!



PS: I also heard how sweet Clement was to you can..
*envy* *envy* *envy* *envy* *envy* *envy* *envy*

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Girls... I am so upset.
I am so cut up.
I am so torn inside of me.
I believed so much in him,
that he would not cheat on me.

but the trust is broken.
totally gone.
only yesterday i did something i never ever wan to do.

That is to check his hp when he's sleeping.
I know its violating his privacy
but i just need to know
cuz deep down i know things are very wrong.

All along he's in contact wif his ex-gf. Ann.
From the messages they share
i can feel the intimacy between them.

fact cut me like a sharp blade.

i know now. i was right all along.

Asked him to own up to what he has been doing.
Denial is all he could give me.
Eventually he admitted everything to me..

Quoted from his words.
" I feel very comfortable with her around.
I never forget her and let her go all this time.
I still like her"

People say facts are cruel.
Indeed it hurts like anything in this world.

he even request 1 day from me..
for him to think it through.
Aint things clear enough now?
Aint it clear that I am not the one
he is looking for?
Why does he even do this to me?
why?

Having an extra day or not doesnt really matter.
Decisions are already made.
Why stll wanna drag it on further?
i am ripped apart into pieces.

I could have given him a tight slap
flare up at him and walk away.
But why did i even stay and listen to what
he has to say to me, and even
pretend to be strong?

That's because i love him so much.
I cant bear to do it all on him.

Friends anymore? he asked.
Now it seems he has gone overboard.

"you two-timed on me.. and even asked for
my forgiveness now and be friends with you still?
Sorry. I cant do it. For you hurt me so bad.
I never knew betrayal and unfaithfulness can
bring about so much pain and misery."

I let him go. They should be together. Although I wished
I was the one he can be with in the end.

I am so torn.
Trust me.
I dun even know if this is a blessing in disguise.

In a way I am glad that I saw through him.
In a way I feel so cheated of my everything.

Lord, its so painful to be in love.
Let him regret on me.
Let me be suave and let things go.

Today he just messaged and called me.
I ignored all of them.
He says he still want to be together with me.

Lord, is this a prank?
I cannot afford any of these games anymore.
Is he sincere? Is he really repentful?
Questions and questions circling in me.

Lord, could you answer them all for me?
I am so lost. so confused.
I know not what to do anymore.
Would you be kind Lord,
and show me your guidance?

Thank you Lord for showing me
your care and your guidance.

As the night falls
I embrace myself in tears.

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Just met him..
but things dont feel quite the same anymore.

Vast distance between us.
The feeling is somewhat going wrong.
Are we really growing apart?

For the past 3 weeks
he's back and forth m'sia
we barely talk
we barely go out
in other words
we barely communicate.

Its getting so tiring.
Thoughts of giving up
kept coming back to me.
I felt so worn out.

He dun even understand what i want
what i actually need.

Had my new job interview
but he's the last to know about this
Much as i wanna share this piece of good news with
but it seems like he doesnt care about it anyway.

everone yearns for a perfect relationship.
to be loved and be loved.
isn't that true?
Nothing seems to be perfect in this world exactly
but everyone holds different perception regarding
the "love" that they dream of.

For me, its quite the same.
I hope for my bf to love me and vice versa.
but now.. i dun even know what is this.
I blog umpteen times about us
but i hate to be reminded in reality
about us.. cause there is no us in fact.

Dont ask me what happened
and what am i blogging.
I am so confused.
Just leave me alone.

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yesterday was a very meaningful day for me.
i have to admit i was not a filial grand daughter afterall.
as recalled back, the last time that i actually
went to visit my grandparents was...
more than half a year ago!!!

ought to do some reflections!
okay so here's the story in short.

ah gong slipped and fell at market yesterday.
so he was hopitalised for a night for obsevervation.
thank goodness everything was fine..
he was discharged the very next day!

so my sister, cousin (XH) and me
decided to pay grandparents a visit!
we even got chicken essences for ah gong!!!

From the look of their faces,
i could tell they were actually
overwhelmed that we were there!

what a blissful day! indulging in our reminiscing
had dinner at ah ma's place.. simple home cook dishes
but we all simply miss her cooking so much~~

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Hi guys! Like I said.. Here are my images!!

Enjoy viewing.. haha!

Oh ya not to mention.. most of my friends
there were dead drunk.. >.<
*PS* I am not one of the drunkards..

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