their faces were smiling,
but their eyes were crying.
they wondered for years and years,
the reason they were abandoned.

was it because they were bad?
was it because they were useless?
was it because they were naughty?
or was it because they were accidents?

they all gathered and sit down here
they all asked and they all cried
for no one gave them what they want
the answer to why they are here

was it because they were nasty?
was it because they were handicapped?
was it because they were sick?
was it because they were unwanted?

i cried when i saw their tears.
i cried when they hide their tears
i cried when i saw them playing,
pretending they were happy all this while.

they are cute kids,
nice,smart and wonderful
but how could someone bears to leave them
and let them walk the path alone?

they may be unwanted
they may be nasty
they may be ill
they may be naughty

but i know,if i were the mother
i would not leave them alone
unless a valid reason exists
as in i am dead;gone.

so i guess,
they must have some reasons
for why
they are left alone.

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i stared at that place hard.

the board says ' no black tie'. the name of the pub.

without humans, that place is so lonely.

the piano and the drums, the speakers and the microphone, the tables and the chairs.
everything was there. yet the vital part is missing:the humans.

i dislike that loneliness.

so, i invite everyone to join me in that pub.

but nobody joined me.

some said they aare busy, while others gave me a look that says ' i don't trust you.'.
everyone tried to find an excuse to push me away.

i went further down the streets. i did the same thing and i received the same reactions.

some even said i am crazy.

is it that hard to ask someone to join me?

i just want to kill the loneliness in that place.

why is there no one that is willing to help me??

and then, i went back to the place and sat on the floor.

i stared and looked around. after taking a deep breathe, i gave a loud sigh and went off.

the place is still as lonely as it is... ... ... ...

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yesterday is my first day of school. 26/3/2007.

sigh!!

because i didn't go for the orientation, everything is so complicated for me.but then ok,i got used to it.the course starts at 8.30 but my subject only starts at 10.45.

the first subject is ...sort of boring.maybe because i am not comfortable with a foreign place and a group of unfamiliar people,i don't like that place.so,i am waiting.

i am waiting for someone to barge in and to disrupt the class.i am waiting for someone to create heavoc in that peaceful class and to ease my uncomfort.

after the lesson,i have a 2hr 15 min break,because i am not attending that subject.and during that break,i totally have nowhere to go.i could not find a corner that can kill my boredness.i don't want to go to the library for i want to explore the college.but sigh,nowhere i can go, nothing i can do.

so i walked around,looking at the notice board everywhere i go for some interesting events that had happened in school.

and then i wanted to eat something.but the canteen made me feel so pathetic.a huge college but a small canteen.it has only a junk food stall, a chinese stall and a malay stall and the choice of food is so little.

and then i went for my maths lesson.

and then i saw a old man walk in.he is my teacher.and wow,i have a teacher that look like albert eistein and walks around with a cane.

and then the rest is lesson n lesson n lesson and then home.

but i saw ant fight yesterday while waiting for my mum to fetch me.so interesting.mostly one on one,then they mostly attack in a straight line.which means one attack enemy in front and one attack from the back.but most ants would not interrupt the one on one fight.they just find other enemies to fight.

very interesting!!!

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he has been crying since the moment i met him.

i don't know what happen, but i guess he is just depressed and lonely.

i keep talking to him,comforting him.

but he is still crying, ignoring my words.

he did not even gave any response to my words.

what an unfriendly guy he is.

i still don't want to give up.

so i took some puppets and make a funny show in front of him.

i even read some jokes from a book,

just to make him smile.

but he is still crying.

he is still not laughing.

that's so much i can do.

so i ignored him and walked away

thinking that he would stop crying once i am gone.

but again,

when i turn around,

he is still crying.

i started to become a little frustrated.

and so,

i took an eraser

and erased his tears.

and i erased his mouth,

and replaced it with a smile.

finally,

he is smiling,

no longer crying.

that guy i drew,

is finally smiling.

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a rich woman donated a few thousand dollars to the an orphanage.

and

a beggar giving his blanket away to someone who needs it as much as he does.

comparing both,

i think

the beggar is noble,

while the woman is just generous.

for

the beggar needs that blanket,

yet he still gives it away.

but the woman is rich

so,

donating a sum of money is no big deal to her.

she still has much to spare.

she can still shop, still go to spas, still go for high-tea.

but,

the beggar might have to shiver through that night

just because

he gave that blanket

to a someone he thinks might need it

more than he does.

she has money.

donating it to a orphanage is no big deal to her.

but he needs the blanket.

yet he still give it away is a big deal.

so i think,

doing something within one's capability is no big deal,

but

doing something out of one's capability is one big deal.

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for days now,my mind keep repeating my name,keep saying 'my name is csy'

it make me feel as if i am going to lose this name soon.

i know its almost impossible to lose a name,unless memory loss of course.so i don't know why my mind keep repeating that.its not as though i can predict that i am going to have a memory loss.

*sigh~~

even i don't know what is going on in my mind, oh gosh!who can tell me what's going on up there,in my brain?

it's irritating 'cause i already know my name,so there's no use keep reminding me of it again and again.

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