so since i use this blog to get all my feelings off my chest its time to write about my latest feeling...Happiness

I have kind of stumbled into a new relationship, and i think its the best one i have ever had (knocking on wood, don't want to jinx it)

You see, after the whole Gary episodes, i gave up guys for awhile, it was just best, i was sick of getting hurt. I figured I would just get through my senior and just focus on school, do my best, graduate and then after i get to college, start fresh. Yea well that plan is down the tubes.

I started talking to Seth last year becuase I do service learning with his mom (she's an English teacher in the middle school). Then this year we sat next to each other on the football buses and we began talking more and we developed a friendship. Well then this quarter, we started walking to 3rd period together becuase we both have to walk up the hill. I dunno when exactly our friendship changed, but it did. We started hanging out outside of school a few weeks ago. We just watch movies and stuff at each others house because his parents don't want him riding in cars with other kids. But this simple thing seems to be what i am living for each week. I can't explain how this happened really, it just did.

Anyway, I am extremely happy, i mean i haven't felt like this in a looong time. Last year, everything just went wrong. I forgot what it was like to feel this good. Part of this scares me, the last time i started feeling like this, my heart was pretty much stomped on. Though (i am praying to God) i don't think that is gunna happen this time. Seth is easily the sweetest guy I have ever met. I don't think he would ever do anything to hurt me.

To keep this story going, this past weekend we talked about actually making this whole thing official. He said that we would ask me out, but he really doesn't wanna screw this up. I can understand this because i don't wanna mess this up either. So I told him whatever he wants to do is fine with me. Because I am happy with how things are right now, and i rather have this than nothing at all. However, I am not sure how long this carefree feeling will last. I have been in one of the "hanging out" relationships before, and it ended horribly and I don't want that to happen again. So, I am hoping at some point he will be ready and we can actually date. I mean that is honestly what we are doing right now, just without the lable. For some reason that lable seems to scare ppl, myself included, and i am not sure why.

Hmmm...to conclude this rather long entry, I am very happy that I somehow found this boy. He is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. And I am glad that i can finally admit how much all of this means to me. Because I tend to deny things for a long time, and don't let myself truly feel, because i am so afraid to get hurt. But once again I have torn down the walls and let someone in, and i hope that this time, I won't have to build those walls back up again.

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well i am supposed to be working on my senior project, but its really boring and i haven't updated in awhile sooo ya know i think i will take a break...

Well I can't really remember much about Mon., Tues., or Weds., sooo apparently nothing too important so i will start with Thurs.

For Thanksgiving, we go upto Watkins Glenn to my Aunt Joyce's. 3 of the 4 of my grandparent's children and family came this year. This included my baby cousin Jared (he's 2). He is getting to be so big, and smart too. I carried him around a bit before dinner. Then he had to take a nap. But when he woke back up, he had me read stories to him. He is So cute, i wanted to bring him home. After I got home I drove over to Kelly's.

Friday, Kel, Cassie (her cousin) and I got up at six and went Black Friday Shopping. I spent alot of money, on myself...but i did need some new clothes and i got my snowball dress, so i think it was a good day of shopping.

Saturday was Nathan Earle's 18th Birthday party. It was fun, not as many ppl as expected showed up. But we made the best out of me. My cousin Derek sang Kereoke (sp?) that was funny.

Sunday I had a cobblestones show. That wasn't too bad, Jenna lost her dress...already, not sure what we are gunna do about that. Then I had an hour practice afterwards. It was just singing Grease music, so that wasn't bad either. Then I went home, changed and went up to Seth's . We went for a ride up behind is house, and then watched movies. More on that whole situation later, it needs its own entry.

Monday I went back over to Kelly's and we worked on the dance routine. We got it all done, now its just remembering it for practice. Then I came home, ate supper and went to Cobblestones practice. It was our last practice before our first christmas show, yea i am real nervous, we really not ready.

I think thats really all for now. I really need to get going on my project.

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yea i am current working on a AP chemistry packet that is due weds...its pretty much killing my brain, its really not hard just tedious, and i have been working on it on and off all day

since the last update-

umm last weekend was busy. On saturday I went to kelly's. She invited my mom, my and and me to a Jewelry party...it was fun, i made an awesome bracelet. Then we went down to her trailer and locked ourselves in. We needed to work on our wrestling cheerleading dance routine. We got about 1:30 done...have a minute left. yea we worked on it forever...and thats all we got done, it would help if we didn't bust out in laughter every few seconds. On Sunday I went over to Seth's and Him, kevin and I watched movies...it was alot of fun.

This week has been fairly busy. Monday I had Cheer practice then Cobblestones...Miss Ayres was mad because I didn't have choerography done, she forgets i have a busy life, and i don't live to serve her...oh well...just means i have to do it all this weekend. The rest of the week consisted of school and cheer practice. Friday was a fabulous day that consisted of a Stats test and Government test...yea both SUCKED...then we played crab ball in Gym...it was a game that was alot of fun in middle school, yea its not fun anymore

Today I went to a morning Cheer practice (YUCK) and then pretty much worked on Chemistry all day...broke it up with some Sim Playing and watching the football game. Tomorrow I have a cobblestones show...fun...then an hour cobblestones practice, more fun...thhen i have a small thanksgiving dinner with the Rogers Family. After that I believe Seth is coming over, but not for as long as id like because i will have choreopgaphy and most likely more chemistry cuz my A.D.D. is kicking in real bad

so i think thats pretty much all for now, hopefully thanksgiving break will be a good one, i need to just relax and hang out with my friends and family

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so i cheered for my last football game on Saturday...we lost, that didn't feel to hott...but i got over it eventually. Wrestling cheerleading starts next monday...so i get a week's break...haha it never ends!

we have changed quarters in school. I can't believe i am a quarter the way through my senior year...its just FLYING

anyway i was supposed to have study hall, but they wouldn't let me have my way on what lunch i ate...so being an only child, i found a way around their rules and changed to service learning, where i can choose what lunch i eat...so THERE. anyway working with Mrs. Grantier again...I love her...i get to work with her the rest of the year now...should be fun

Economics has changed to Government...haven't decided if i like it better or not. Mrs. Edsell has also come back, not sure if i like that either

so thats pretty much whats going on with me...ill write again when i get the chance and have something worth while to write about

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