so im finally gettin to do my reports, and they're kickin ass. gettin props from chief and its all good. plus we got dude from AIT who failed his pt test and his licence test in the same week. thats when a 'soldier' is more of a burden than a help. you have to worry about him passing the common tasks everyone should be able to do before even getting into the complexities of the job. but he is making me and massey look even better. but i dont need help with that dammit. chief also likes me already because hes all about work ethic and being a smart ass. woah am i perfect for this office or what? especially now because he appreciates (as do i) a joke more from someone actually working rather than just sittin there lookin at the wall.

all the same. i have all types of training stuff comin up next month in addition to all the crap ill be doing normally with work. and of course i start doin that all right after i get my computer which is when i dont want to do anything. but i am on masseys as much as i would my own so i cant complain. but it will actually be cool cause its all up in seoul so i can check that area out as well. plus, smith, bergmann, and others from ait are stationed up there so i can go kick it with them. i should start sending emails now.

PLUS, in november i may be sent to pusan for 2 weeks to do nothing but reports. which would rock cause then i get to see pusan as well (for free) and get my name out there as an awesome report writer. i cant write too many, plus the ones now not that many people see. but those will probably be seen more, and they'll say 'mmmm crossley eh? lets send this man a blowjob!' then they'll send one of those nasty korean prostitutes i keep seeing, eeeeww.

quick bit of humor: for this week im the duty agent, so i told massey, while im on the shitter, im the Doodie agent. ha! get it?

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cool ass place. a port town on the easter shore of south korea. i spent all day up there at work and it rocks. had a chocolate milkshare there. excellent as well. also got invited to hang out and a pistol range. 357 to be specific. and thatll be what i do that day. for work. hell yeah bitches. you know, if everyone wasnt in iraq, i would stop feeling like shit for having this job. but i look at it like this, while they hit the people who attacked thru the front door, im here helpin make sure others dont sneak in thru the back. speaking of, the more unadvertised stuff i learn over here, the funnier team america world police truly is.

even with the kick ass job, and cool part of the world. i still get that lonely as hell feeling. and i know, wah wah, boo fuckin hoo. but it sucks. its by far the hardest part of the army. bar none. i know my friends and family are still back home and want to see me, but it sucks not being able to see them. i think the main thing is one individual. you ever really want to tell someone how you feel but you never do before its kinda too late. god damn that sucks. thats called regret fine people. oh thats the worst feeling ever. im always a too honest ass hole because fuck regret. like even with her id never make unreasonable compromises because i did too much before and it caused a bunch of regret. so this time i wouldnt and we'd get thru it and it would be all good.

then its tue feeling like fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, shes all the way over there, has she even thought about me since we spoke last? does she remember who i am? and i realize my brain stretches is farther than it should but it fuckin sucks. we all know how much congressman brian loves his sleep, and ive lost so much over this. and i dont lose sleep over anything. i cant remember the last time i stared at the ceiling like this. im a fat lazy fuck. i love my sleep. and now i cant. dammit

and it sucks because i really cant complain about the rest of life. well i can, but it all doesnt really bother me that much. i signed up for this and knew this would all happen. but not the situation thats keepin me up. all thru basic, called 'the hardest thing ever' i never lost sleep. never stayed up wonderin. it was lights out and so was i. and this is weird; talkin to people like im all cool and nothins wrong. but they dont want to hear me bitch and moan. just when you think you can physically and mentally take anything. BAM. wrong bitch.

id like to thing i was somethin elese. like i made an impression and wouldnt be forgotten in such a short amount of time. but i guess i reallistically have no reason to think that. fuck this sucks. id bet theres already a new frickin guy. just chillin. me over here goin crazy.

and its like for what? so he can cheat and be an ass. everyone knows what kind of guy i am. fuck that. theres no one like crossley. no one will treat you like he does. its not in normal males' nature. no one will beat themselves up like this as if they did somethin wrong when they didnt. fuck that shit. no one would do the shit id do. no one would deal with all the crazy shit, cause they'll never see you the way i do. once you get past the looks, you see im a really good guy. how i do the shit no one else would. but i guess thats not whats important now a days. fuckin people. fuck not being good enough.

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so i saw the ring 2 last week, needless to say it was horrible. except the part he looks in the mirror, takin pictures, and the girl is there. that was kinda creepy. but it was ruined when the fucking deer attacked. what the fuck is that? ill tell you the only deer that frightens me, and thats the one on the jagermeister bottle. oh man he means business. the class 6 carries it but is usually out. but we saw it yesterday and massey wanted to get like 10 bottle. hoo man, bad stuff. the class 6 rocks, except it closes at 22. and the slushie machine looks weird, but ill give in sooner or later.

so unlike the ring 2, we saw a good movie today, being deuce bigalow european gigalo. having military ID's we got in for free so it wouldnt have mattered how much it sucked. unlike the ice princess, but i had good reason to go that day. regardelss, deuce brought up some interesting topics of discussion, like prostitution. whats the big fuckin deal bitches? its like carlin said: "selling is legal, fucking is legal, why isnt selling fucking legal?" its a damn good point. you can knowingly buy cigarettes that say on the pack will give you cancer, but you cant buy a natural, healthy activity. besides, half the time dating is basically more formal prostitution. although i take the buying crap thing to a different extreme. and if the girl really likes you and wants it too its a different story. how much crap do you buy, and have to look like you have money and crap on the first date? fuck all that.

its like we were watchin this show earlier about the different mating rituals of animals. like some gators just growl really loud to attract females and beat the shit out of other gators that try to take their stuff. thats what its all about. but then theres this bird (no i dont pay attention to names) that builds this little alley way thing, and finds all types of flowers and stuff to present to the female, then she checks it out and if she doesnt like it she flies away to find a better one. fuck her then, shes probably missin out on the good bird wang. thats why i sometimes laugh when i see a broad stuck with a good lookin guy who treats her like shit. which is worse, being miserable or dating a guy who cant make the cover of a magazine. the problem is for some people i know the answer to that question. its distrubing how many good guys are out there alone, and women bitch about 'theres no good guys' but they have to be good lookin or rich or somethin. silly people.

and obviously all females arent like that. if that was true i would have been single all my life. guys are like girls, theres alot of crappy one but also some really good ones. but its mind numbing how guys can really be compelete ass holes. and equally amazing how some girls will put up with it. its like buying a broken toaster. would you take it back or settle for it? fuck that, im not paying money for something that doesnt work. oh wait i did for like 3 years and she lived with me, nevermind. stupid brian.

but hey you learn your lesson from shit like that. id me damned now if i knowingly go into a situation, or let it continue when i find myself in that situation. gainful employment is not a disease that will swallow your soul. prostitution is a job. a good one too. you're providing a service people need. i dont think id personally get one, but its like weed, fuck it, it might as well be legal. again, im not gonna smoke it but i dont think it should be illegal. but the problem with prostitution which is a big problem here is the human trafficking that would go along with it. its bad here, and prostitution is illegal, imagine if it was legal. but then again some corprate guys would find away to do it and make a crap load of business legally and put the smaller traffickers out of business. yay corporations. you dont see people getting shot over cigarettes like you do weed because its legal, and corporations take it over and run that shit. good job big business.

oh, here was a good conversation i overheard, this girl loved the government, but hated big corporations. whats difference? you give both of them all your money. but they both provide crap you need. but i do understand the advantages of small business. and this is all off topic of the movie spoken of earlier.

deuce taught the world that women dont want only sex, they want all of the other stuff you crazy broads want (yet they dont see that men are the same) and i agree 100%. BUT he made it seem like women dont want sex. and thats a croc of shit. listen, women love the bone. its a fact. good stuff. i just think they have higher standards to meet before having sex. some of them. there are alot of stankin hos that dont care and just want it. and thats cool if they can find guys who share that idea. which isnt hard at all. the average guy if you just pull their pants down, their all yours. thats how thrad got me. the point is women have that same carnal lust we have, and i think they shouldnt act like they dont. its annoying. so ill end with a quote from the movie: "all girls want a penis on their face ... your's is just permanent" godd stuff

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thats someone who doesnt leave the barricks. ever. unless they have to. i dont get it. we're in friggin daegu korea and all this mofo can come up with, is sittin here. now dont get me wrong, i get my fair share of playstation and computer time. but i also know my way aro und this area of town from goin out almost everynite. theres enough shit on base to do without necessarily going into town. and when everyday people you know are going out and invite you and you never go. thats beat nuts. it shows what kind of personality you have. again, i know i can be antisocial as hell sometimes, but not this bad. who joins the army and thinks they'll never have to deal with people. especially this job. all we do is talk to people. and report it. i guess its his life and i shouldnt really get concerned about it. but if he walked the couple miles with us we usually walk at nite in town, maybe he wouldnt have failed his pt test this morning. hmmm.

and as for sarge, i've been easing my way in with more and more jokes i would normally deem inappropriate because of the whole NCO thing, but she never cared about any of them. i havent called her mom a cow humpin crack whore or anything yet. i think im still weird just coming out of basic and AIT and all the NCOs did was yell and smoke us. for whatever. like one guy is chewing gum in formation so we all get smoked for 20 minutes. thats what im used to. then here im riding in the car as this NCO is driving, i say 'its amazing, no matter where you are in the world; women cant drive' and she just laughs. holy hell this is a huge adjustment. and today, she gives me money to pick her up beer. what the hell is that? for any military out there, it is a non duty night, and theres no driving involved so its all legit.

and even she complains about the barricks rat. god hes fuckin weird. i like to think im weird but this guy makes me seem like , i dunno, someone normal. i still have no standard to base 'normality' so i cant make a reference to someone normal can i? oh snaps, i got my other new shoes last nite. hand made, to my foot, black slip on chumpies, all leather (sorry peta). damn their nice. ok i lied, i really dont care if i piss peta off. damn people protesting insulin while they use it every frickin day. speakin of peta (thank god theyre not over here) i saw this dog with a white face and his wacky korean owner dyed the hair around his eyes to look like glasses. it was hilarious. i love these wacky people.

they're so cool because usually if you catch eyes with them, they'll smile at you. obviously im very different and they probably correctly assume i dont know the language so they dont stop and talk to me. but ive had a couple that spoke english and stopped me. and no, ALL the world does not know english. alot of younger people do but as far as our interaction, the average person does not. the thing that i find weird is the people that work on the US post and dont speak english. off post, i feel im the guest and i should know the language for respect for them and because i am the hassle being a guest of a foreign language. but on post, thats US bitch. thats the one place i should be able to speak english. the only time ive gotten frustrated about the language barrier was on post.

i still feel like one of the assholes back home that thinks 'everyone should know english' which is not how i feel. but if you work on a US post, serving 99% US citizens, and our official language is english, it kinda makes sense. i wouldnt expect to get a job in a restaurant in Seoul not knowing korean. although there are a bunch of americans, and other foreigners who dont know korean but do know english. so having an english speaker would be good for business. especially because i would draw in all the cracker broads.

but as for most of what ive seen so far these people freakin rock. they're overall (my experience) nicer, more open minded, and more intelligent on average than the average person back home. again, based on what i've seen. and im not saying screw america or amercians. never that. im just saying, overall i like their culture a little better. except the whole women beating thing. from what i hear they treat their women like crap. which i hate. but all the females are always smiling and polite and happy. probably because they want a good honkey to take care of em. ive seen a bunch of white guys walking on post with a korean girl. which is cool, i have nothin against interracial boning. everyone wants some wang. females at least. im not all about the asians like everyone else here though. i like a good white set of jugs. and how. who came up with that saying anyway? it really doesnt make anysense. neither does winners never quit and quiters never win, so quit while you're ahead. silly humans

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ha, so i go like 3 months without touchin this thing, them im updating it everyday. that way the people who actually do read it, when they finally see updates, they have all types of crap to read. another point for me bitches. but theres alot goin on i have to write about and i actually have the time to do it. for now.

like today we drove up to Seoul. its a cool city. i want to go up for like a weekend and hit the town, but its still cool to see driving around. Again, up there, i heard about 'all these places' where the korean girls are crazy for the american men and i havent seen any. i did get a bit of insight today i should have put together on my own about why alot of korean girls here like american men (not to stereotype and say they all do, or this is why all the ones who do are like that, just what i heard about some) and this is besides the wang thing the cabbie said on sunday. anyway, its pretty much custom here for the male to be very dominating, abuse at times, and its 'socially accepted' that they can cheat and do all types of crap that women cant when it comes to a relationship.

again, not to stereotype and say they are all like that. but that general idea is understood and accepted. so the korean ladies obviously dont want that so they go for the americans where (usually) crap doesnt fly like that. but i dunno, i've seen enough of that back home and i hate it there too. but who am i to talk? i treat women like crap to.... so it would seem. but everyone knows my whole take on that. i hate that crap. i may not be the best guy ever but no one ever had to worry about that stuff with me. they only had to worry about me being too stubborn to save myself from starvation and eat the pink starburst because i wont eat it beacuse its her favorite. i know i say the broads are crazy but i never said im not.

speaking of i finally scored a toaster oven today. mmm warm food. good stuff. but ill still probably have taco bell. seeing as how i eat it here all the time, then today we go to Seoul, all new eating possibilities, and i eat ... taco bell. its starting to get to my stomach do. i dare risk speaking in blaspheme but i may have to cut back. no taco bell gods! i didnt say quit! dont smite me or anything. its givin me stomach de la runny. [thats spanish for a runny stomach]

and heres some other shit. we all know how i joke around and am an asshole, then we spend all day with the sargeant. the person above me in my chain of command. the one i answer to, my boss except in army so i have to be respectful. and shes all proddin me to be a sick pervert and a sailors mouth and all the other kooky stuff that makes me who i am, and i cant because she is my NCO. i cant bring myself to do it. its like hittin a woman. which under the right circumstances could happen, but not very likely. so she keeps proddin me to 'be myself' i guess and i cant do that. its wrong to tell your NCO 'yeah i slapped him with my cock, but he LOVED it!' never. if im an NCO and they're the same rank, then fine. but not now, especially having just got here. it just sucks. then me or massey will call me weird and shes like 'no you're not' and she'll have no idea. ha.

i think shes tryin to get to much of a social relationship with us (me massey hayes, all below her on the totem pole but equal to each other) and i dont agree. shes a really cool person, and if she was still a specialist it would be cool. but i cant tell my boss, yeah me and massey got all trashed and i puked right over there!' and equally if we're hanging with her im going to have alot more inhibitions (not really sayin much tho) but all the same im not gonna be the same and therefore not have fun. not that im out raising trouble or anything, its just i cant joke the same or talk the same around an NCO. on or off duty. i dont think its right. and she gets mad at me for feeling that way. but thats how its supposed to be! NCOs are supposed to hate privates. thats what ive seen and what ive gotten used to. its crazy to go out and drink with one. knowin how i am ill develop a friendship with her and all my friends know how much i make fun of them. then id make a picture of an NCO with the 3' cock from bukkake bobs picture and it would be totally out of line. of course its fine for me to do that to bob, thrad, jason, meghan, etc. but not an NCO

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"it won't be long, we'll meet again ... your memory is never passing. It won't be long, we'll meet again ... my love for you is everlasting. I long for those, who never knew you..." -Killswitch Engage

word. KE has to be one of my favorite bands now, and The End Of Heartache (their CD) has to be about my favorite CD ever. they rock all hard like, then have awesome quotes like that in their shit. good stuff. its good for me because stuff like the subject at hand can really get me down and make me all depressed and stuff. but their way of viewing it (or making me view it) is that yeah it sucks, but it'll get better. stayin true to your feelings and standards and all that will keep you strong thru it and it will pay off in the end. so instead of gettin lonely and upset, i get all motivated.

they have all types of lyrics along the lines of dont be lazy and do stuff. at least what i take from it. but they say you take out of music the stuff you want and thats how i am so maybe they're really singin about ponies and pixies. who knows. willy wonka might. but still, this CD is one of those that i get all emotional listening to, and like i said all motivated. its the perfect running music.

"sleep brings relief; and the hope of a new day. Waking to misery, of being without you ... another moment is another eternity. Seek me; for comfort. Call me; for solace. I'll be waiting, for the end of my broken heart ... you know me, you know me all to well. My only desire: to bridge our division. In sorrow, I speak your name.
And my voice mirrors my torment"

thats good stuff. kinda brings out my feelings for someone. hm. it kinda works out tho, the time offset, because i will have time to settle in and start bein the shit at my job. and give her the chance to realize theres only on brian in the world and decide if thats what she wants or not. personally i think youd have to be crazy to put up with me but my fuckin quirks are easy to deal with. i just either need food, sex, or time alone with the video games and im good again. i dont have any of the problems alot of guys have like hittin women or that desire to cheat and stuff. i can get jealous though, but thats gotten alot better in the last few months. its a big thing of trust which is an issue with me.

thats why i tell everyone to just tell me whatever. if its not like incredibly eveil to make me want to kill you, then dont think im going to kill you. i know i have a temper but it usually goes away easily (refer to the food, games, sex quote earlier) i just hate being lied to, or when people dont tell me stuff, like what they want of me. and ive had the 'looking out for your feelings' which if that was true i appreciate it, but hearing it later after its been a lie for however long is 10 times worse. its not an open scar or anything just making a point. and the other one; i understand why you said it. i dont like the whole 'do i look fat in this' stuff. i understand not wanting to say 'yeah you look like 8000 pounds of bagged crap' but dont say 'no' instead. say somethin like, 'well, maybe a different [something] would look better' or in my case say the crap sack line. better than going out and having someone say 'damn you look fat in that.' better a friend say it than some asshole in the street.

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