oh my God.

First off, I'm just gonna mention this once then it's gone...

Nobody likes to read the long posts?

Fuck it, I'm not doing this for you all.

Anyway, I am freakin' so bored right now. Beyond bored... getting to the point of wanting to annihilate myself or commit a crime for the sake of a change in scenery.

I'm trying to schmooze my way up to Millersville for a night this weekend. That's probably not gonna work out, but the effort is definitely there. There's even a fund on facebook to get me out there, haha. 18 dollars is all it takes.

And I'd have a lot more to say... but my hands seem to think the community sees a long post from me and just clicks that old back arrow.

They're pissed.. do you see what you did, people?

Love,
Chris

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Crap.

So yesterday the Patriots blew an 18 point lead and lost to the friggen Colts in the AFC championship game.

Three minutes into the game Peyton Manning looked like he was screwed. His team was down, and it appeared they were out. However, they found a way to come back, and 11 minutes into the second half, they had tied the game at 21 a piece.

Eventually, they'd go on to take a four point lead with exactly one minute left, setting Tom Brady up for another fourth quarter post season miracle.

But it wasn't to be. Not this time. The Colts picked Brady off and were on their way to the Super Bowl. To play the Bears...

When the Patriots started winning Super Bowls, I made it abundantly clear that I wanted them to play the Packers and the Bears. The two teams that had beaten the Patriots in Super Bowls past. And when the Bears made it through the NFC title game yesterday, the stars were aligning. And when that last pass was intercepted, my brother and I looked at each other and realized we were waiting for it to happen. We were waiting for the other foot to drop.

And that's when I realized something beyond awful.

I forgot what it was like to be a Boston Sports fan.

The past 5 years had spoiled me. Ever since 2001, the Patriots were the most dominant post season team in sports. They could come from any deficit to win a game in the playoffs. Behind Tom Brady (the best big game quarterback in 20 years) and Bill Bellichick (one of the top 7 head coaches in NFL history) the Patriots seemed invincible as soon as they got to the playoffs.

Not to mention, in 2004 the Red Sox won the World Series. Are you fucking serious? THE RED SOX? It's been over two years and I still can't believe that happened. I've watched those games at least 100 times, and I am still in denial of it. My business was being a Boston Fan, and since 2001 business was good.

But here's my point. Any Boston fan or Philadelphia fan knows the feeling. Watching your team in an important game, it's close, your team is staying competitive, but you KNOW that something is going to happen, you're waiting for that other foot to drop, and you know when it does it's going to be devastating.

1997, The Patriots lose to the Packers in the Super Bowl because of Desmond Howard returning kicks.

1999, The Red Sox lose in the ALCS to the Yankees after defeating the Indians in an amazing AL Divisional Series. During the Indians series, Pedro Martinez had what many still consider the performance of his life, giving all of us hope that it might be the year they did it. Alas, the Yankees shut that door again.

2003, ALCS. Game Seven. THE SOX PUSHED A GAME SEVEN against the Yankees. Hell, game 7 went to extra innings. And after blowing a 5 run lead in the earlier part of the game, the Sox lost the Championship Series again, this time off of the bat of Aaron Boone. Who sent a walk-off series ending home run over the left field wall in Yankee Stadium.

Now allbeit, by this time, Football was secured for me. The Patriots had defeated the Rams in the Super Bowl in 2001. And two years later took the Panthers in the Superbowl.

But what is really terrible about the above examples of tough times, is that it is just in my life time. And that's only a few of them. We left the Celtics out of it, and the years of my Bruins fandom before abandoning to go to the Flyers (who are ATROCIOUS THIS YEAR).

The Patriots and the Red Sox had both broken my heart for so long. But 2004 came along. That magical year. It started with the Patriots beating the Eagles in Super Bowl XXXIX. Which was sweet because during the game I was surrounded with obnoxious freakin' Eagles fans. So that felt good, especially since I was in a wheelchair at the time, I needed that.

And when that feel good feeling was about to wear off. October of 2004 rolled around. The ALCS. Red Sox vs. Yankees.

The Yankees went up 3 games to 0. One more, and another tragic collapse of Boston is complete.

But Boston won game 4 in amazing walk off fashion.
Then they won game 5.
And game 6. Holy SHIT they forced game 7 again.

And this time they would not be denied. They blew the Yankees out in game 7, and would play the Cardinals in the World Series, and on October 27th, 2004 they completed the four game sweep.

Anyway. Point is, I've been spoiled. And it's especially clear that you've been spoiled when you live around Philadelphia fans, who have been tortured since 1983.

But that feeling came back yesterday. And that is a terrible feeling to have. With the exception of the Gotwols family, every Philadelphia fan I know goes diving face first into any possible good sports scenario, and don't even imagine what it would be like to lose.

There's the difference.

Boston fans always expect the absolute worst. They expect to snatch defeat from the clutches of victory.

But that feeling had gone away. And with one minute left in the game yesterday, my brother, father and I were all waiting for that other foot to drop.

And we all knew it when we felt it, and we all knew that as soon as you start to feel it, there's not stopping it from happening.

It's over now, though. I have to root for the COLTS in the friggen Super Bowl. I enjoy Peyton Manning, I like Tony Dungy, Gary Brackett is a great defensive player. Other than that, I pretty much can't stand the Colts.

But that being said...

I hate those Bears.

Love,
Chris

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I didn't even do anything tonight.

And yet here I sit at 3:26 AM.

But, good news on the music front! I'm in talks right now with a guitarist who lays some grooooovy shit down. I'm very excited about this.

Also, cigarettes accomplished because I'm surrounded by enablers

Anyway, I'm stable again, there was a lapse of sanity there, but it's all good.

Also, working on a screenplay outline, that makes me happy. Plus I've got Dave collaborating... maybe soon I will enlist the help of C.J. and we'll be on our way with this thing.

Ummmm what else. Meh, not much of anything, watched Silent Hill.. fell asleep during Silent Hill.. that's when you know a movie just isn't freakin' scary. I've heard it described as "walking through somebody else's nightmare" and frankly, the nightmare was that the movie is over 2 hours long. And I only got 15 minutes of sleep during it... and I was suddenly refreshed... hooray narcolepsy?

Other than that... boredom ensues... and will increase tomorrow when I go to Delaware for 10 days... because at damn near the age of 20, I still cannot be trusted to be alone in this house.

Love,
Chris

UPDATE: 3:40 AM

Okay, I was just reading some of my past entries, and I read the one about why I'm in Doylestown and not Millersville... and frankly, I can do better than this shitty entry.

Here's my solemn pledge, readers:

I will do my best to get these shit ass little blurbs out of my head, and actually get down to the nitty-gritty. Things that actually mean something to me. And if the Patriots can manage to pull off a win today... well hey, you're guarunteed one.

Love again,
Chris

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So here's my current dilemma.

I am out of cigarettes.

I have no money to get more cigarettes.

I have no way of getting money to get more cigarettes.

This will be troublesome.

You see, I already know that in about one hour I will be nic fitting like crazy. And I know what you're thinking "now's the perfect time to quit! haha!"

Nope, not gonna happen.

A) I'm not ready.
B) I need to get money, so I need to get a decent paying job.

And I know as soon as I get money, I'm gonna get a pack of cigarettes, because I still enjoy smoking them. And am clearly not ready to quit.

Oh and to top it off... it's been 15 minutes since my last cigarette and I'm already losing my bloody mind.... here's why.

I'm watching Bubble Boy... and ACTUALLY ENJOYING IT. That damn Jake Gyllenhaal....

Love,
Chris

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WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO okay so here we go, I'm not gonna make mention of how great or sucky life is, because it's at a balance nowadays... here's why.

Still don't have financial aid, that sucks...
Do have a job, if you want the Intelligencer every day. I'm your guy.
I don't have a girlfriend... I'M LOOKING, LADIES!
I don't have a band.
I am SHITHOUSED right now, because my best friend Dave was all "hey, let's get shitfaced tonight..." and we did.
I still have impeccable dunk typing skills.


Everything all of the sudden got bordered to the right, I don't care.

Point is, I'm happy right now. I have a job where I make my own hours, and I actually earn what I put into it... that's all I needed, folks.

Although, as aforementioned.. I am on the market for a girlfriend... it's gonna be tough in this high school town to find somebody I'm actually interested in, but oh well. I'm there, haha.

Anyway, drunk rambling complete... PEACE!

Love,
Chris

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Yes, I'm gonna call it a mailbag, because I need to respond to these comments that I've recieved. By the way, thank you to the three folks who got a chance to comment before I so rudely interrupted the NuTang community.

Let me start off by saying, thank you. I do appreciate the comments,

dont think that.. take it all as a test... it obviously makes life challenging.. maybe too challenging for our liking.. but trust me ur not alone.. im quite in the shits myself atm.. but we must persevere!! sorry i obviously cant do much for u, but to prove ur mental god wrong by commenting and give u moral support!!
» ruiyan on 2007-01-05 05:47:23

Yeah, it makes life challenging, and perservering is all we can do at this point. Thank you for the moral support, greatly appreciated.

lol
Trust me, it's raining down on more people than just you.
And don't call yourself a fuck up or anything to that effect. You're at least trying.
Also, I'm without financial aid this semester, as well. It can be done, I assure you.
And lastly, read the book of Job from the bible. You'll see we're not the only ones who suffer in this world.
» elessar257 on 2007-01-05 09:43:48

Yeah, it is raining down on more people than me, much worse than it is on me, Hell, I could be in the Sudan sitting in a tent hoping those footsteps outside are friendly, but due to the noises that preceeded them, having a funny feeling that they're not so friendly. However, I did need to be able to put my life in perspective, and I thank you for that. I have read Job... several times as I have read the Bible front to back on two seperate occasions (I know, I know, I'm a Jew... but ya gotta know for yourself what's right for you... and screw you doubters, Job is included in the Tanakh)... and yeah, I'm definitely not losing my faith... and despite what I said yesterday, I still prayed, because that's how I roll.

what he said.
Job is hardcore. HARDCORE.

and it's true. It's all over the f'ing place. Honestly. I myself got suspended from school and had to wobble on home so I can try and get a grip on things. I'm also going to be going to a threapist....I just need to find one - and I can't procastinate on that...for my own sake. Good luck to you - I'd like very much to know how you're doing - so keep on updating.

p.s. your entry...was rather funny, and for that you get a smile.
:)
» Helena on 2007-01-05 08:52:55

Thank you kindly. Woot on going to see a shrink, eh? Definitely don't procrastinate on that... I was lucky enough that my insurance company sent me a list of folks I could go to and get three sessions for free. So that's good. But I will keep updating as much as possible. And let me know how you're doing too.


Anyway, keep the comments coming, folks. I enjoy getting feedback on both my misery and happiness.

Love,
Chris

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