I don't know what possessed me to call my grandmother, but I did. Today is her birthday {I have no idea how old she is; I just know she's old; at least in her mid 80s}

I haven't talked to my grandmother in years. I wasn't even sure if she was still alive. I think that was the whole point in calling; to see if she was still kickin. And when she answered, I paused and almost considered hanging up. But I didn't.

She asked me about how my life was going and how my sister was, but asked nothing about my mom. Bitch.

You must understand why I don't like my grandmother so let me explain.

The two familes {my mom's and my dad's} knew each other through mutual jobs, and they didn't particularly care for one another. So when my dad told his mother that he was marrying my mother, she didn't congratulate him. All she said was that he better wait to get married until after he finished college cuz once he was married she wasn't going to pay for his college anymore. Bitch.

When my dad's job transfered him out of New York to Maryland, she blamed my mom for it and got all pissy cuz she was taking her grandkids {my sister and I} away from her. My grandmother knew that it was my dad's job that decided the transfer, but that didn't matter to her.

When my dad died from cancer, my grandmother blamed my mom saying that if she hadn't made him move away from his family and caused him stress he never would have gotten the cancer that killed him. She got even more pissed off when we {my mom, sister and I} moved farther away from New York to Florida.

The updates and phone calls between grandchildren and grandmother became far and few between in the years that followed until they pretty much stopped altogether. There was the occasional phone call or e-mail, but nothing more. When my sister was 13, she wrote a letter to my grandmother flat out telling her that she hated her and didn't want anything to do with her again. That's what pretty much ended all communication.

When my grandfather died {I don't remember what from; I think it was a heart attack} we didn't find out from my grandmother, not even through a phone call from any other family member. My uncle e-mailed my mother three days after the funeral. WTF?! Whatever. It didn't affect my sister and I in any way.

There were quite a few smaller things/issues that happened, but I don't have enough time to list them all. Besides, if I did, this entry would be extremely long.

So I gave my grandmother the e-mail address that I never use and gave her my cell number, but in a roundabout way told her that I wasn't going to be answering it. It'll be changing in two months anyway and I don't think I'll be giving her my new number.

K, I think that about sums it up. If you don't understand why I severely don't like my grandmother, read through this again and try to picture it in your head. If ya still don't get it, I don't know what to tell ya.

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~~> I'm appologizing ahead of time to those who are against or offended by profane language. I'm pissed right now and I have trouble refraining from using it when I'm pissed.

Dude, fuck my job! I hate my job! I hate my boss just about as much right now. I'm sick and fucking tired of him changing my schedule every fucking week! It makes it really fucking difficult to make plans. I have a boyfriend now! Which means I actually have a goddamn life outside of work! This is fucking bullshit.

I made plans to do something tomorrow night with Justin, but now I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do as planned. I'll still see him, but I don't know if we'll be able to go out to where we were gonna go. I'm on a time restriction with it.

Fuck!

That's all I can say. Goddamnit and Fuck. I'm just pissed. And I doubt I'll get any less pissed by the time I go to bed or even by tomorrow.

Repeating what Ranor said in his latest entry: godfuckingdamnit!

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Its been about a week since I last wrote under this name and I don't really feel like posting under LostSoul13 right now.

I have a lunch date with Steve tomorrow. I have absolutely no idea where we're going, but hopefully it won't be expensive and the food will be good. I'll probably call him some time after noon {since its my day off and I like to watch the PIR and Scrubs}

Anywho, I got to see Justin this morning. He came up to my work for lunch. It was only for a few minutes, but I got to see him and give him a kiss, so I was in a good mood for the greater part of the day. We're supposed to be getting together on Wednesday.

Stuart came over last night. Why is it just as I'm about to give up on him, he comes through? I was seriously ready to just stop inviting him over cuz he wasn't making the effort to come over when what do ya know? He decides to show up finally. Whatever. Who knows how long it'll be until he decides to show up again.

I'm still sore from the concert. My legs hurt worst. My throat hurts, but only in the morning when I first wake up and late at night after the day has pretty much ended. The bruises on my head and arm are going away. At least the pain they cause isn't as obvious when I touch them anymore. So that's good.

I watched Spiderman 3 on my computer earlier. I still haven't seen it in theaters, but I've seen it so when people talk about it, I'll know what they're talking about. Watching a movie on the big screen is so much better than watching it on a 15.4 inch computer screen, but its cheaper than going to a theater. Oh well. I'm sure Justin and I will be going to see it soon enough.

Anywho, I know that this entry was completely random, but that was kinda the whole point. But at this time, the random stuff entry is now over.

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Justin and I are going out tonight. We haven't gone out in a while so I'm looking kinda forward to it.

Stuart is still jealous, but that's his own fault. He had the chance, but he blew it. What he doesn't seem to realize is that I'm not using Justin, as he seems to think I am. In actuality, I'm sort of using Stuart. He's my 'boy toy,' if you will. Oh well. As long as Justin doesn't find out about Stuart. . .

Those two guys are not the point of this entry though. I had a dream about David last night and I can't seem to get it out of my head. It was so vivid.

This is the second dream I've had about him and just like the last one, I had it on my mind for a while. I told him about the last one, but this dream is a bit different. We weren't just talking like in the last one.

I'm not sure when I'll see him again, but I'm sure that I won't soon forget that I dreamt of him. If I start to not think about it as much, as soon as I see David, it'll be immediately resurfaced in my mind.

Ugh. I hate how dreams work sometimes.

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Why is it that some guys are so damn stubborn? I mean, sure, I know that I can be stubborn as well, but ... I dunno.

Stuart injured his elbow fairly bad and he isn't doing anything about it. I admit that it would take a lot for me to go see a doctor, but if I knew for sure that I broke a bone or that I could lose the use of my arm if I didn't get surgery immediately, I might consider going to a doctor.

He's going to play hockey tonight, like he does every Tuesday. That's how he injured his arm in the first place and although its his left arm, he uses that arm to control his hockey stick and to make certain, more difficult shots. He's still playing because he 'spends way too much money not to play' and because 'he's a soldier.'

I care about Stuart and I don't want to see him hurt let alone hurt himself worse just to play a game. He seems to think he's super tough because he'll be going into the Marines, but he's not there yet.

I'm not sure why its frustrating me as much as it is. I'm not dating him and I only see him once a week, if I'm lucky. But whenever he tells me that he's injured himself and isn't going to do anything about it except take the risk in making it worse, it annoys me.

*sigh* I dunno.

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I already posted an entry today and I don't like posting two entries under the same name in one day. Hence posting under this name

Tonight Stuart had hockey. He played three games and won all three. That's pretty cool especially since his team was so far behind in one of the games. They made a comeback towards the end of the game. I congratulated him.

Justin and I are going to the PIMA County Fair on Saturday. He suggested tomorrow, but I work tomorrow and I'm pretty sure he does too. This way too, going on Saturday, we'll have the whole day to enjoy ourselves. I actually have money right now too. I'm looking forward to it.

Tonight I was scheduled to just close kitchen, but I ended up closing manager. It wasn't bad cuz I got paid 2 1/2 hours of overtime and Steve paid me $10 cash in advance for closing for him. It was also slow; that's another reason I didn't mind.

I got another oven burn on my arm. Its about 2 inches above where the other burn was. Its not as big or burned as badly, but it'll leave a scar. I'm not bothered at all by it, though. I'll be fine until I take a shower in the morning and the hot water running down my arm will remind me that I have a burn there. Oh well.

Alright, that's it.

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