I just need to rant and get this off my chest.

So this coming Saturday is a public holiday and I think every girl will look forward to spending a holiday together with her other half. I told my bf about this and expected him to not mind spending the extra day together with me, but he told me no, I have already allocated the day to spend inside the game.

Sometimes I wonder why is it so important about upgrading his character in the game. He claimed I don't understand because I am not a gamer myself. But would he rather both of us be gamers and I just let him sink deeper and deeper into the virtual world until he completely lost touch with the reality?

From my viewpoint, even if I have a Level 100 character in the game and I am oh-so-better than all my peers in there, what will I get in return? Even if I can have 10k or 100k inside the game, can I convert those into real life money? I am trying my best to understand about the guys' ego and also their need to achieve something, but it is pathetic to just be able to achieve something in game and as a result, become a loser in real life. I know most guys who are in there are using their achievements in the game as a way to feed their ego, as a way to tell themselves that hey, at least there is something I can succeed in...

Am I such an unimportant entity in his life? All the time I have spent with him, being there for him when he needs help, can his game do that? And he can accuse me of not having anything to do but just want to be with him all the time? We are not even meeting up everyday and he can claim that about me...I am not even asking him to accompany me 24/7, but really if he can't even spend an occasional holiday with his girlfriend, why does he even bother to get into a relationship? If one likes to spend so much time with himself and also the game, maybe I should just disappear from his life altogether and leave him alone to his own devices...

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I am not sure if my feeling towards this issue is valid…

My bf is a gamer, bordering on developing an obsession towards the game which he is involved in. I accepted it when he told me that gaming is his interest but is it okie to schedule your life according to the game that you are playing?

For example, he told me that he needs to be in-game from 8 to 1030pm every night (weekdays, except Tuesday). So during this time, I am not supposed to bother him or ask him out or anything. Sometimes if he reaches home late, he will even forgo his dinner just because he wants to get into the game. So needless to say, if I ask him to come out and have dinner with me during this time, no will be the answer.

And he makes everything sounds like he is entitled to being that way, and if I were to ask him to forgo playing for one night just to accompany me, he will kick up a fuss and say that I am not being understanding. Alright, to give him credits, he does set aside a day to be with me, which is on Sunday and I absolutely forbid him to go into the game during this day. He will still log in sometimes but maybe just for a few minutes.

Am I supposed to be content only with this? He does still make time to contact me everyday (for those who don’t know, we are still in a LDR, sort of, will be until the end of this year) after the game. However, if the game goes longer than 1030pm, I would have to wait for him to complete the quest or whatever battles he is in. This applies even during times when I am sick. He told me I can call earlier if I do not want to wait, but I sense he will be unhappy if I really call or even if he does pick up, he will be distracted and won’t be able to talk for long.

What I am not sure is, am I kicking up a fuss for nothing? Is this all part and parcels of the sacrifices and compromise one has to make in a relationship? I told him I hate to be taken for granted, he has assured me that he appreciates all I have done for him and has even set aside a day to accompany me and even cut short on his gaming time (it continues on even after 1030pm actually) so that he will be able to call me at night. He said this is a big sacrifice on his part as most of his friends actually pester him to continue playing until midnight but he has to say no to them just so that we would be able to contact each other at night.

I am wondering what will happen once I have moved to his place… (we will not be staying in the same house until we get married, which won’t happen until 2 or 3 years later due to our financial circumstances) Most probably I will be eating dinner alone as he will be rushing home to play his game, and will still only be able to meet during weekends. I guess the good part of this is I get more time to do my own stuff (I will be posted into a government school as a primary school teacher starting from next year, so I guess it will be very busy for me as well, what with all the books and assignments to mark). Maybe I have been wrong to put him as my first priority all this while…it’s time for me to develop my own schedule and have my own life without him if I want this relationship to continue.

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I am feeling pretty nosltagic as I have just activated my Facebook again recently. Glancing at all the profiles of my friends and looking through all their photos, I have come to realize how much I miss them. Most of them are scattered throughout the world now, some still in US, some are in Australia, some in Europe while the rest are in Singapore and Malaysia. I can tell that most are doing pretty well, either in their studies or in their career. Sometimes I tend to compare myself to them and wish I am half as talented as them.

Humans like to compare, don't they?

I have tried to be happy with what I have. But sometimes when I see my boyfriend being so close with his friends, I feel envious. In my eyes, I could still see myself laughing and smiling with my once close-knitted friends. Going to late night cafe together. Cycling an hour to just go to a cinema when we could have taken a 1/2 hour ride in the bus. Lying on the field and talking about how this might be one of the silly but memorable things we could do before leaving this school. Watching the sunset together. Going on a trip, there are various photos still to remind me that the times we have spent together are real and not just a figment of my imagination...

I miss you all, and hope you are doing well in your life, no matter where you are.

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Haven't been updating this blog as I have been busy with stuff, but I am pretty excited about a concert I attended last weekend so decided to blog about it.

It is by Cheer Chen (her fans know her more as Chen Qi Zhen, ). I had wanted to go to her concert for ages, but she seldom comes over to hold one in Singapore, which is the nearest venue to me. I think the last time she came over was 4 or 5 years ago, and even that was a small-scale mini-concert which was sold out pretty fast.

As I didn't have enough money to buy the front row seat (front row seats are priced at SGD 158 each, and if I convert it to RM, it will be nearly RM 350) so I had to make do with the Category 3 ticket worth SGD 78. So needless to say my seating arrangement sucks. And the row of people I sat with happened to be the passive type. Luckily towards the end of the concert, the guards gave up on guarding us and we were allowed to roam freely. So I managed to wing my way to the front row seats to get a better view of her during the last hour or so.

The concert started at around 830pm and at first it was really quiet. Everyone was sitting down and only clapped and cheered during the chorus, the end or the beginning of the songs. Her voice was soothing and mellifluous, melodic and touching at the same time. I admit that when she sang I Am Still Lonely (Hai Shi Hui Ji Mo, ) I nearly cried.

However the atmosphere changed when she sang one of the songs that made her famous, Let Me Think (Rang Wo Xiang Yi Xiang, ). The audience went crazy and started stomping and jumping on the platform, while singing along together with her. There was also a song (forgot the title) when she came down to tour the seating area. And before she sang The Meaning of Travelling (Lu Xing de Yi Yi, ), there was a short clip asking the audience if anyone wears a helmet to the concert. There were a few, and since she promised, Cheer promptly put on hers as well and went on to sing the meaningful song. And then it was time for her to bid us goodbye.

But the audience refused to let her go! We cheered and cheered and Cheer good-naturedly returned to the stage 5 times to fulfill her fans' wishes to listen to her sing.

I was quite surprised that the guards were quite lax overall. One of the regulations is that no cameras and other taping devices are allowed, but tonnes of people managed to bring in their cameras and could be seen flashing away during the concert. And the fans were all rushing to the front row (yours truly included) towards the end and most were standing on top of the chairs as well. One niggle I had was that they banned me from bringing in my water bottle (just mineral water, for god's sake) and as a result, I think I was dehydrated during the concert. So the next day I developed a high fever, which turned into flu and sore throat which I am still suffering from until today :(

Here are some pictures to satisfy your curiosity if you have not been to the concert...





Some pics I have taken from HWZ

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Have you ever had to keep a secret from your other half?

My SO and I are pretty much very open with one another. Whenever we have a problem, we believe in talking it out and sharing it rather than keep it bottled to ourselves and letting the problem grows bigger as the time goes by.

Hence this is why it hurts me to have to keep this from him...I have been in a dilemma about this for a while now. You can say that I am selfish. I am afraid of what will happen once I let the cat out of the bag.

I know no secret can be kept forever...I am just stalling for time.

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My parents are starting a whole load of crap again. It happened last week and it repeated itself again last night. Needless to say, I am pissed off to no end now.

The whole thing began simple enough. I was about to drive my parents out for dinner, I was tired after a whole day at work (I was teaching nonstop from 10am to 5pm, and have exhausted myself screaming and shouting after a bunch of brats in my class who refused to keep quiet while I was lecturing) and was looking forward to have a rest after the dinner. So we got into the car, I was trying to reverse it carefully as there are lots of cars parked behind mine. Then my dad had to say,"Why do you have to reverse it so slowly? Can't you just move the car faster?"

So I told him it was not possible as there were a lot of cars right behind us, and if we were to go faster, I would probably bang into one of them. So he just suddenly exploded and said,"Oh, you are older already la now, so don't want to listen to me already!"

I was flabbergasted. I tried to explain to him that it is not that I do not want to listen to him, but more like I was thinking about our safety by going slow and steady. I also don't see the need to rush as we are not going anywhere important.

So the whole thing, which started simply enough, escalated into a big-time argument with my Dad finally stomping away and refusing to join me and mom for dinner. And he refused to come home too, even after my mom called him on his mobile to ask him to come back. Only after a few times he decided to return. And I had no peace at all at home last night, as after he came back, he began to bang on my room door (I locked myself inside the room, which is something I usually do when my parents are being unreasonable) and caused so much racket that I am beginning to wonder is he 60 years old or just 6?

Am I being unreasonable to tell him that I would like to drive slowly? Other parents are always getting their kids to drive slower, mine is doing exactly the opposite thing. I really do not know what to think.

And my poor darling had to spend more than an hour listening to me rant to him over the phone. Sigh.

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