I overall have a generally happy life. This year at school has changed me so much, all for the better I think. I met my friend Sarah. I've never had a friendship more connecting than ours. Through that friendship, I bonded with even more people: Alexis, Adam, and Amy or The Five as I like to call us. Not to mention countless other people.

As confident as I've become, and with as many friends as I now have, I still sit and wonder. What can I be?

I just think about it too much, you know? Countless times asking myself why I'm single or why don't things work out for me, receiving countless replies back of "the right one not coming along yet". Something to that nature at least.

You just get kinda uncomfortable around people, taken people. Like I know I feel a little third-wheelish sometimes when tagging along with friends to go somewhere. Or like if they're being playful and "semi-intimate", you don't wanna stare or anything. You go about your business, staring off at something else.

Although that is taking place, you also feel an overwhelming amount of jealousy. "I want that", maybe not referring to a single person, but referring to what they have in another.

I'm not saying to anyone not to do it, it's great that you've got something like that...something you want to hold onto, appreciate, outwardly show. It's a great thing when you have it. Not exactly the same feelings when you wish you had it.

I don't know how to describe the feeling to anyone. It's just a hole inside you that's never filled with anything. I've been single for way too long, much longer than I'd care to be. It's not even the fun kinda "playing the field" single either. It's like the "stand on the sidelines while watching everyone else play the field" single.

"The one that got away" and "The one you could never have." Well currently there seems to be an increase of these two, so it's more like "many getting away" or "many you could never have." I just don't know if I do things wrong or I'm looking at the wrong things in a person. It just boggles me.

So, what can I be? I'm not sure, but I do know who I'm gonna be. Myself. I'm a good person through and through. I feel confident in myself about that. My friends tell me so as well. I'm always there for them, they know I'd drop anything just to show how much I care. It's just sometimes...sometimes, you hope for someone. You wish...for someone.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

READ MY BLOG!

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Let's update this blog that hasn't been updated in forever. Let me make some critical bullets here of what has gone on since the last time I was with you my friends, then we'll get into current events.

Events That Have Occured with Me Since My Last Update
- Another successful(kinda) semester completed at Old Dominion
- Moved back home for the summer(some good things have come of that)
- Working at a movie store(slackass job it is, plus the free rentals...my collection is growing)
- Still single(not really an event, more of a sad statement =P)
- Back to contacts(unless some girl finds me incredibly irresistable in glasses)
- Cutting the grass still sucks
- E3
- Changes to the blog: Not too much looks wise(or content wise for that matter), just a few fun modules to support some great things going on nowadays. I've got links up to This Week in Tech(former "The Screensavers" cast talking about whats going on the world of tech each week in a podcast, Systm from my buddy Kevin Rose, and I also made a module with the stories I "digg" from digg.com.
- A wonderful person named Kelly, we really make each other's day

Yeah, I know it doesn't seem like much, but I can't go into every intricate detail. So there you have that.

Alright then, new stuff. As opposed to the old stuff, which is still good stuff nevertheless. I've been thinking about doing a little audio sometime on my blogs, it won't be too high quality or anything because it'll probably be from my headset I have. Just a thought, maybe I could also have people tell me random things to talk about. That would be fun.

Off to another tangent. My love life. Pretty much non-existant. That wonderful person that I referred to earlier is married, yeah....married. She's having some rough times right now, and I do my best to just give her a little relief during the days before she dreads going home. I know there isn't any more that I can do for her, but I feel like I am supposed to do more. It's really hard to see someone you care about forced to be miserable. She has got to be one of the strongest women emotionally I have ever met. I just need to say that whatever may happen, I'll always be there for her, she's very special to me and she always will be.

Very Current Events
Well, this week seems like its gonna be an interesting one. Today I headed to Chesapeake Square Mall(and no that was not a shameless plug) to get Kelly a birthday present for her birthday coming up. I got something she'll surely enjoy, tracked it down very easily. I remember a good deal of things about people sometimes, and this was one thing she talked about before. I also went and got her some of this ice cream that only the DQ at the mall had at that point. Now mind you, it's an hour to get back home from Chesapeake. Luckily I knew I was going to get this desert before I left home. So I filled a lunch box full of ice packs and all and threw that in the car. I got the DQ employee to put a top on it and I proceeded to the parking lot and placed it in the "mobile freezer" I made. Then I just turned the A/C on high, freezing myself all the way home. See what I'll do to just bring a little joy to someone? Well she was heading to Norfolk at the time, so she didn't get it today. Disappointing, yes. It'll still be good tomorrow, it's in the real freezer now. Not much else went on today though. Watched a little Wimbledon for lack of sufficient enjoyable entertainment. I always watch some Wimbledon each year though, I think I watched almost all of last years. Noticing Maria Sharapova in early rounds of course :). Kinda slack day, but I'll get her that ice cream tomorrow and it'll be neat. It's now 12:07 AM Tuesday. I think I'm heading off, but hey thanks for reading the entry if you did. I know it wasn't too entertaining, but I just had to say things and tell events. They'll get better, I promise. I think...

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

Hey everybody. Man I haven't made an actual entry in this thing in a long while. Well there's been some things going on lately.I felt like I needed to just say some things and just talk about ideas.

Well, I got kinda close to someone, only to be dropped for one reason or another. I don't understand it, I really don't. That's all I hafta say about that. Hopefully I'll meet someone who won't actually drop me all of a sudden. I'm optimistic even though I was a little down. I'm single, I'm looking, I'm interesting.

I've been thinking about getting an iPod lately. Not just for music and portable storage, but for doing some blogs every now and then. Like when I go places or just feel like doing one. I think it'd be fun to do podcastsfrom different places. It would be nice if I had one when I went to Blacksburg to see Josh H. play and when at Twyla's, when we were on the ferry to Williamsburg going to Water Country, out on friday and saturday nights, just whenever. Now I just need to gather funds, easier said than done, to buy and iPod and the microphone. It'd be fun at least.

Umm...it's late. I have a test at 9:30. I should be studying right now. Oops. I'm on it. I'm out.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

I'm lazy...fuck it

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Finally, I'm gonna make a real entry. Let's start off on the fun foot.

I've been playing Resident Evil 4 for a little while off and on. I finally beat it today. Probably the best Gamecube game I've played to date. Awesome game. Interactive cut scenes, beautiful looking worlds, and good story. You don't have to be a fan or have followed the Resident Evil series to like this game. Well, I'm not gonna spoil stuff for people, but its a definite rental at least. Let's say by the time I finished the game, it gives tells you how many enemies you killed in the game. The number I ended up with was 969. 969 enemies, thats crazy.

Yeah, back at school. Its been alright so far this semester so far. I have my regular dirt easy IT courses: tech architecture and then a programming one. I'm in my final Calc. class (thank god) and I have the teacher I had my first semester here. He is awesome and is so hilarious. Love that class. Then I have my two "eh, whatever" classes: accounting and economics. Seem easy enough for now. I always leave myself a class to work with, in case I need to drop one.

I've gone back to working at the LAL(Learning Assessment Lab) proctoring tests. I work MWF, and its not bad. I work with two very nice girls, so thats all the better. Been kinda boring couple days there, not really any tests being taken at the beginning of the year. It'll get busier though.

I didn't really make an entry after Christmas, so I'll give a quick rundown. Clothes, digital camera, giftcards, and boots. Easy enough. Nothing off of that extravagent Christmas list I made, but I didn't ask or believe I'd get any of those. I bought a Wireless G Linksys Broadband Router for home when I'm there. Also a Linksys Wireless G USB adapter for my computer. Its just easier than running wire through or under the house. Very fast, I must say.

My great aunt gave me a car. That was nice. Up until now, my other car that I have been driving since I was 16's heat went out after a certain amount of time. I've probably been driving it without heat during maybe 2 winters. It got cold. She had gotten a new car and figured she couldn't get but so much for trading that one in. So she gave it to me. It's pretty nice actually, Chris rode in it with me. A free car is a free car ya know.

I was gonna say some stuff about G4, but I'll refrain. I don't wanna type for hours. Lets just say, they need to have something shoved straight up their asses.

I joined thefacebook along with the masses of people. ODU finally got on it. Whateva.

Umm....the end? I dunno what more to type.

I saw a Tom Green movie the other night. It was hilarious. He was in japan, messing with umm.....japanese people.

I'm looking into getting an LCD monitor for my computer. Send me suggestions, maybe about a 17 in. one. Also, a new MP3 player. Suggestions welcome for both.

Comment! (2) | Recommend!