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Muffy deserves better
Tuesday. 9.6.16 12:11 am
I am talented. I am capable. I am attractive. I am intelligent.

I am all of these things and yet somehow I could go through a day feeling like I wasn't interesting enough, expressive enough, or just generally good enough.

I deserve better.

That's been my mantra this whole weekend.

I had a particularly emotional Friday night after running into someone from my past who wants 0 things to do with me. I called my sister and my ex at 3am, woke both of them up, and in talking to them (they were both mumbling in their sleep) I realized that no one should make me feel the way I was feeling. In fact, I meant so much business that I wrote "WOW....I DESERVE BETTER" in sprawling, drunken hand writing across the paper journal that I keep.

I deserve better than to get so worked up over someone who disregarded my friendship. I deserve better than to have a stupid Tinder account, spend too much time figuring out how initiate conversation, and hear nothing back. And, most importantly, I deserve better than to sell myself short.

I'm just done feeling like every awkward moment, missed opportunity, or failed interaction is my fault. I am talented, capable, attractive, and intelligent, and if anybody else wants to see that in me, that's on him or her to figure out.

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Do not try to bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead, try to realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you will see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.
Controlling Tomorrow Me
Saturday. 6.4.16 10:34 pm
It's 9:something pm and I've just gotten back from jump rope practice. I'm awake, motivated, and ready to start making shit happen. I tell myself "tomorrow, I'm going to cook that badass dish that will impress all my friends / hopefully hook myself a future boyfriend / husband." I wonder about all the new music I'm going to find, and how much I'll learn about front end web technologies. I go to bed, feeling optimistic, maybe even a little inspired, and then....

....Tomorrow Me wakes up the next day.

None of these things seem to matter to Tomorrow Me. I'm tired. I don't have any motivation to write code, let alone learn new concepts. I just want to eat cereal because cooking sounds exhausting. It's a beautiful day out, but that seems even MORE exhausting because it feels like I should be out frolicking in the sunshine. The hours tick by, I answer emails, go workout, commute across the bridge, eat lunch, start writing code, get sidetracked by more emails, have to coach practice, and before I know it, it's 9:00 something pm and I'm back at home, absolutely certain that Tomorrow Me will not be the same.

I kid you not, the only time I have control over Tomorrow Me is if I DON'T SLEEP. I once went to the gym at 4:20am and absolutely killed the rest of the day....but it came with a cost. Tomorrow Me was even worse for the next two days.

I need to figure out how to reign in this beast. I feel like Tomorrow Me is squandering so much potential that Current Me is waiting to unleash.

Here is my battle plan:
  • Find a friend to help keep me accountable
  • Eat more fruits and vegetables
  • Only use social media at pre-ordained times during the day
  • Set a big-picture goal for each month.


I'll let you guys know how it turns out. If anybody has any tips on controlling Tomorrow Me, please chime in.

Oh, and on Monday I start a new job, which Tomorrow Me will have no choice but to comply with :)

Muffy over and out

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Do not try to bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead, try to realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you will see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.
Two years later...
Monday. 2.1.16 12:50 am
My last post was New Year's Eve, 2013....my, my, my, how the time does fly.

Some of you might be wondering: "why now, Muffy? Why return to the Island on this arbitrary Saturday evening?" Well, when it's past midnight and you're wide awake from spending the entire day sleeping off a near-death hangover, boredom and free time pushes you to do some crazy things. Like write a blog post.

Let's play catch up, shall we?

I moved to the city!



And I have loved every second of it. I thought I would get a little homesick for suburbia and easy parking, but not one bit! There are days when I wake happy simply because of where I am. To backtrack a bit, my last living situation became a giant clusterfuck of alcoholics (yes, plural), violent outbursts, court dates, and just a lot of mess that I didn't need to be around. So you can understand why I am thrilled to be in my own place, not just because of where I am but also because of what I don't have to deal with anymore :) Woo hoo!

---


I had a boyfriend. We broke up back in June. I cheated on him :-\ I think being upfront about it somehow helps absolve some of my guilt. It makes me sick to think about hurting him, and that I'm one of "those guys" now. I have this weird fantasy where we spend one last night together, not having to say much, and I kiss him on the forehead as we fall asleep. Then, in the morning, we wake up and everything goes back to the way it was, but at least I had a chance to show him I still care.

---


This summer I ran (and competed at) the World Jump Rope Championship in Paris! In fact, it was held at the very same venue in the south of Paris where I met Zanzi back in 2011!

Since the new year, I've already checked two things off my bucket list:
  1. I saw MUSE in concert, and it was phenomenal
  2. I did something that needs to be password protected because it's a little bit TMI for the general public ;) Entry coming soon


By the end of this month I hope to have a full time job as a web developer. I'm ready to emerge from my adolescent caccoon and spread my wings in a whole new land of adulting.

Also, last night I made honey-sriracha chicken wings and they were to die for (view recipe). Next time I'm going to add more honey and some flour to the sauce to make it thicker. YUM.

Ok, I think that's all for now. I will return with some more in-depth posts. Muffy over and out.

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Do not try to bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead, try to realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you will see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.
MUFFY'S BIG FAT NEW YEARS RESOLUTION
Tuesday. 12.31.13 4:55 pm
I have a problem remembering things.

I think this is something of a recent development, since I don't recall having this hard a time remembering things in my high school / early college days. For those of you who are thinking, "well that's because you've already forgotten your childhood, Muffy"....I hate you.

It began to manifest in little ways. I have a number of jump rope friends around the country who I only see every few months, and I found myself repeatedly asking the same questions about their lives only to remember that I already knew the answer! And then it was things like forgetting Friends references or jokes from movies. I had trouble remembering funny stories that had happened on trips, or even things I had read that same day in the newspaper.

It felt like I literally wasn't retaining anything.

You ever write a really shitty essay that's bloated with filler words and philosophizing, and doesn't actually make any solid points based on evidence? That was what my life started feeling like. People would ask "how have you been? What have you been up to?" and I would search back through my meager little memory and pull up some bloated essay about...nothing. Because I couldn't remember the strong points, the stuff that actually mattered and made people feel like they could relate to me.

One day I was browsing TED talks and decided to look up one about memory. I found a great video (link here) that had a pretty powerful takeaway:

Who we are is the manifestation of our memories. An emotional experience has little lasting impact if you cannot remember it."

The video brings up a good point. Are you paying attention? It's a rhetorical question. I'm not ACTUALLY asking you if you're paying attention, though by this point through the blog I wouldn't blame if you'd started skimming. I realized I pay too much attention to the thoughts in my head, even when there is so much happening around me. And even worse, I was too mentally weak to fix it.

I did some reading online and took some tips from the video, and now I'm trying to pay more attention. I'm trying to associate key thoughts and must-remember ideas to certain locations. I watch a TV show and try to recount the important plot points and exactly what made me laugh (30 Rock, ftw). At the end of every day I try to recall exactly what I did, focusing on the details...not because it really matters, but because my brain needs the practice. This ish is hard! I'm starting from the bottom, like a fat kid training to run a marathon. Here's to 2014 and lots of MEMORABLE new experiences.

Happy new year,

Muffy

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Do not try to bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead, try to realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you will see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.
WHAT IS THIS EVEN....MUFFY DOESNT EVEN KNOW
Sunday. 5.19.13 3:48 am
Hello?? Is this a blog?? Is this MY blog?? I've forgotten what I'm supposed to do here. Am I supposed to write about my life?

I'm so impressed by all of you who have kept up writing. Your diligence is inspirational! If only I could actually get back into Nutang instead of doing stupid stuff like play Diablo 3...which I'm NOT doing tonight! However, I somehow managed to waste like an hour and a half watching Youtube videos when I MEANT to be writing this. Ugh. How does that even happen. If there was like a real-life breadcrumb trail for my mind it would probably wrap around the earth twice. And most certainly not in a straight line.

HELLO. LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF IF YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN WHO I AM. My name is The Muffin Man, but you can call me Muffy. I am now an employed web developer, jump rope coach, jump rope performer and competitor. I inhabit The Island; you can see my little guy on the front page asking you to "dodge this."

Before I start writing getting in-depth with my thoughts, I feel that it's necessary to do a little recap, and what better way to do it than with a round of MUFFY'S MUSINGS!!!
Ok, I promise more than that has happened. That's all of the post-worthy things I can think of. I think that instead of trying to write more about ME, I'm going to check up on all of YOU and see what's been going down on The Island!

Muffy over and out!

---EDIT---
I will be posting a series of catch-up posts that talk more in-depth about certain experiences and events that have happened since 2012.

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Do not try to bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead, try to realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you will see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.
Muffy fails the February Challenge. By a lot
Monday. 3.4.13 6:20 am
Oh dear.

Unfortunately, it would seem that I have failed the February challenge�.seeing how it�s already March and I have only one post. But there are reasons! Very good reasons.

I have been super super busy coaching, working, working, working, traveling, and working. Actually on this very day I am releasing an event registration system that I built from scratch! It�s quite a proud moment for me, but goodness gracious did I sent a lot of time on that thing.

I had help from a good friend of mine in college. We met by complete chance (got paired for a random task in project management) but worked very well together and have been collaborating ever since. During one of our late night meetings we both decided the only way we could keep working ourselves to death was for the love of the game. And though we both loved the game, there had to be a balance. Too much of anything � even a good thing � isn�t healthy! He put it to me this way:

We are satisfied, but we�re not happy.


It was a small part of our conversation but it had a pretty profound impact on my thinking. For a while I had felt that doing this work was the RIGHT thing to do. I�m a person very compelled by morality and the �right� thing, and I felt that it was my duty to use my skills to enhance the sport that I love. But I basically sacrificed all of my personal freedom and social life to get it done. So, like my partner had said�.I was satisfied, but I wasn�t happy.

I say �wasn�t� in the past tense because this weekend made me so happy!!
World Jump Rope hosted the first annual Speed and Power Tournament at the Arnold Sports Expo in Columbus, OH this weekend, and I was so lucky (and stressed) to be the tournament technical director! I handled all of the competition data from judging and competitor entries to heat and station assignments. There were so many last-minute changes I thought for sure I had screwed something up, but the whole thing was a huge success. Being a part of the tournament team and introducing our sport to thousands of people at the Expo made me SO PROUD!

We also put on about seven shows throughout the weekend and drew so many crowds�.it was a great weekend to feel loved, appreciated, and valued not just by the jump rope community by also the general public.
It�s time to get back to work when I get home, but now I know to be happy and stay happy. Balance, people! Balance.

I have so much more to tell about what�s happened in my life. The Olympics, traveling to Kenya, jumping in Singapore, competing in Hong Kong �.and just�.life. Oh, and I have a boyfriend now hehe. Yeah, lots to catch up on, but I don�t want to overload you guys. Like I said before�



SOON!!

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Do not try to bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead, try to realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you will see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.
I AM HERE
Saturday. 2.9.13 4:01 am
HERE I AM.

That is me horribly understating everything that has happened over the past 6-ish months in an attempt to fulfill my promise to Zanzi and post a new entry every week.

It's almost 4am and I must sleep! But all shall be revealed.....SOON.

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Do not try to bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead, try to realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you will see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.
AN UPDATE
Friday. 7.26.12 1:56pm
We have been practicing for about 6 days in London, and have made 4 different shows. We will be performing 27 different times throughout the Olympics, including the bronze and gold medal games for BOTH men and womens' basketball.

Tomorrow morning, England time, we will be departing for London for our housing near the Olympic village....and Saturday, the shows begin!!!

Like our page "Get Tricky" on Facebook to find out about potential dates for broadcasting our shows, and if anything turns up I might just post them here as well :)

I hope everyone has been doing great and I will catch up on blogs as soon as I can!!! Enjoy the summer, the Games, and any plans you might have!

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Do not try to bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead, try to realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you will see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.
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