watching: words being typed on my screen
listening to: midnight aria
mood: contemplating life
In the most intellectual of moods, oh, who the hell am I kidding? lol. I've been in the worst moods lately and I can't understand why. I'm a week past my PMS time-period, so that idea is way out the window. I keep on finding crap to complain about and then it just gets me into the crappiest of moods and I get in a fight/arguement with someone about it. It's really stupid if you think about it, and there's not even that much thinking required for it. Bryan's always been there for me whenever I get like that, but sometimes I wonder if I'm too much for him...I could be, very easily. He insists that I'm not, that I'm perfect, but still, most people just say that stuff to make us feel better, right? Maybe it's the music I've been listening to lately, but that just sounds stupid. My cd's cant have that much impact on me, can they? Honestly, Thrice first thing in the morning may not be the most positive start to the morning, but it used to the Used. And running with Atreyu going on in the background can't be bad, can it? I haven't listened to major Emo in forever, as much as I love Hawthorne Heights and Kick Over the Traces and Midnight Aria, I just don't have time to get on my computer all the time to listen to them. So, when I'm in my bad moods, maybe I shouldn't cater to what my senses are telling me to listen to and not pop Atreyu into my cd player for 3 hours, maybe Bad Astronaut or NOFX or Unwritten Law or something would be better, but still. I can't stand that stuff when I'm in a pissed off mood....Now I'm just rambling, but not like that matters anyways, cause no one reads this anyways as far as I know. So there. I mean, I look at Bryan and I see this guy who loves me more than anything on Earth and wants to listen to everything that's wrong with me no matter how miniscule and stupid it is, or even when I don't know what's even wrong with me. He has an answer for everything, one of the many reason's I love him so damn much. Like...I think it was last night, I was just in this really pissed off "get-the-hell-away-from-me" mood and I was talking to him on AIM. I was talking to Fite and he wanted me to come over (parents weren't home), I told Bryan I was thinking about it because my boredom level had hit the top and overflowed my limit. He said he was gonna pretend he didn't hear that, and I just blew up at him. I was like wft? what'd i do? and gave him all this shit about how all I was gonna do was go to a freaking friends house. Then we got into this totally retarded fight about it and how I'm always mad lately. After I took a two minute break, I came back upstairs and apologized and all this shit and started crying. Honestly, that's about the worst mood swing I've ever heard of. And I felt like shit for it too. And there there was Friday night, on the phone with him. I'd finally figured out what had been wrong with me the whole day (after acting like a suicidal sociopath the whole day). Everyone around me my whole life has told me what to be, how to act, how to dress, what not to say, and how to treat every situation thrown at me. I've been trying to be society's so-called "perfect" person my whole life and I finally just got so tired of it. My mom doesn't exactly help it either, whenever I'm even the tiniest bitch to anyone (especially Bryan, which is more understandable), she lectures me on how no one likes someone who's bitchy all the time. Then I get pissed off cause I've heard that one a million times before and then explode at some random person weeks later and the cycle repeats itself.
So, if anyone does read this, help me out? Any sort of advice helps, please....I need this to save w/e kind of relationship I have with anyone...
Kristin

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watching: collateral
listening to: dance music
mood:
i love this kid. he has got to be one of the most entertaining people i know, not to mention on of the hottest. he's supposed to be coming over today, if he ever wakes up, and we're gonna hang out. we were online talking last night until 3, we started at 6. that's like 9 hours. he just makes me feel like i'm somebody important, and he acts like i'm the only one he sees. i love that about him. he's a total romantic, and he always says the best things to me. we're not even officially dating yet, and i can only imagine what he would act like then. every time i think about him, i get this stupid smile on my face and i get really happy. does that ever happen to you? it can't be love, can it? i've been in love before, but that was a long time ago, it feels almost the same, but i keep denying it to myself. i can't be in love with this him, can i? i'm totally confused.

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Yes, at last, it is Halloween. I love this day. Stay out late, dress up finally being okay, wild and crazy parties, and it's just a wow amazing day. So yeah. I haven't updated in a long ass time, but hey. The important thing is that I am back, right?? Thought so. I need to change the layout of this doo-dad. I'm not liking it so much anymore, so hopefully, I'll get around it sometime or another. Lol.
Halloween plans tonight:
If Bekah ever texts me back, then I'll go with her and Jojo and Eric and some other guy. Lol. Should be oodles of fun. If that doesn't happen then I'll go with Jessie, Ellery, Krista and Alex and hopefully spend the night somewhere if my parents let me. So yeah. I'll find out later, for now, I'm gonna go get some eats.
Late.

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Today was freaking awesome!!! Not just one reason, or any reason I think, it was just pure awesome. It was pouring when I got to school, which resulted in a half hour long "active" part of PE. When we finally when out to play ultimate frisbee, the whole varsity swim team was on the field playing it too...W/O SHIRTS! Omg...that, right there, was pure fabulousity!!! YUM!!!! We got this new girl from Stony Point in our class, Kristal, she's super nice.
Biology was even good. I got moved away from Amy and Victor tho, that made me sad. But then, I got moved with Devyn, so that made me happy!!! Lol. We worked on this super easy test review, I was done in like a half hour and then had the last hour to chill and do any hw I hadn't finished yet, and then I talked to Emilio, Cortney, and Hope. So that was pretty cool too.
Then, lunch...dum dum dum. Jordan. wont. talk. to. me. and i dont know why!!! It's driving me crazy!! He's just playing around with me, I know, but still...I need to know why!!! He just totally blows me off...hmph!!! I finally just decided to blow him off too till he tells me why, cuz I know he's only doing it to bug me...so there!!!
Geography was equally interesting....I continued trying to annoy Jordan into talking to me...didn't work. That's when I finally gave up. So yeah. We had a vocab quiz...i totally failed it....oops.
When I was going to biology today, Bobby came up to me for no reason at all and started talking to me about my english essay and if jessica had edited it for me. Either it was a totally idiotic excuse to talk to me, or he wanted to show off his lip. Some guy punched him with a football helmet...ouchies. It still made my day no matter what the reason was that he wanted to talk to me...so there.
French...ah francais....I heart that class!!! It's so easy and I now have a partner that actually talks to me w/ a clear view of ALL the cute guys in there. YAY!It was fun, I have got to have a good grade in there with all the extra credit crap I've turned it...I wonder if we'll ever have a project in there.....I saw/talked to Kevin today too, cuz I forgot my french book in my locker. Apparently, I walk like a run way model...??? He was making fun of me cuz he's my partner for the fashion show and he thought I was practicing, but I had to explain to him that, no, that's really how I walk. A runway model walk is TOTALLY different!!! so there!! It made me blush...damnit...I had being embarrassed by hot guys, the ONLY time i EVER blush. I think he figured that out......not good...i think.
I was talking to Cera on the way to......PE today and on top of District, Temple, and the two dances, Jacob is also having a party....damnit!!! Now i have to choose AGAIN!!! poop! I really wanna go to his party, but it's my freshman dance!!! Maybe, I'll go to the dance like a couple minutes late, see who's there and then decide whether or not I wanna go to the party...yeah...that'll work!
Welp...i g2g...That's my day!!!
BTW:
DANE: I'm sry you had such a shitty day!!! *big hug* Just be happy more!!! That's how come my days are always fabulous.

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Hmph. Well, I was in a perfect mood like all day, and then, mom told me she went and saw Fritz and Zach. I was totally fine with it, but still. I mean Zach and I went out for over a year, and he was my best friend in the whole world, and now he doesn't want anything to do with me. She's going to lunch with him on Saturday, but, when she asked him, he very bluntly said, "no kristin" that hurt, cuz he was a huge part of my life. So yeah. It doesn't really matter anyways though, I doubt I'd be able to go, I have a meeting for the fashion show anyways from 2-4. *sigh*
Anyways, today was pretty good. We didn't get our progress reports cuz the computer messed up and gave everyone wrong, bad comments. So yeah. I have french tomorrow as well, so I'll have a new seating chart in there...I wonder who I'll sit by and who my new assigned partner is.....
PE tomorrow as well, bleh. Emilio....oh well, Jordan and Midah (or however you spell it) are there to make me happy. Lol.
Well, I g2g...I'll never wake up tomorrow at this rate.
Kristin
XOXO

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Tomorrow: Back to school. Meh. Tomorrow's a B day. That means Algebra, Kantori Choir, English, and Spanish. I don't think I'll see Jordan, and that makes me sad. I know I shouldn't, but I really like him. I'll have to figure out a way to get him to ask me to dance next Saturday and then see where it goes from there. At least I get to see him for 3 hours straight on A days. So yeah. I have to look at the positive side, and tomorrow I'll still get to talk to Bobby, Parker, and Kristin, so that's pretty good. Maybe I should tell Kristin about this, I mean, she is one of my best friends.....I don't know. I'll think about it, but any help you might have would be welcome!!! Ugh...Justin keeps on bugging me to go see a movie with him, but honestly..I know he's liked me for a long time, but I don't know how to tell him I don't??? Life is far too complicated, and then, he got mad at me today for not going with him today. I was busy!!! I had to clean my room and do a shit-load of hw. So there. Hmph. well, i g2g...good movies on. Kristin XOXO

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